For my DH to be drinking with his mate whilst babysitting

[curlyrebel]

I've gone back to work fairly recently and my DH looks after our DD on his days off. This evening I've come home to find DH in the back garden with one of his close mates having a drink. The pair of them drink heavily together and have been known to stay up all night drinking. I hated it before we had our DC and had it out with DH when I was pregnant. He stopped coming over but now he's back. In fact I'm sure I've seen him about 3 times in the last couple of weeks. I should say that Baby is asleep and the house is clean. However I see that they've got through a whole bottle of lemonade (bought just yesterday) and half a bottle of vodka (bought jointly for a birthday party that didn't get drunk). AIBU to ask him not to have said friend over when he's looking after our DD and for this friend not to drink all our booze?

YABU - your DH is not "babysitting"

It’s not babysitting 🙄he’s a adult and unless steaming drunk then I don’t see the issue

Beat me to it!

Oh good. Another one of these alcohol related threads. It's been about 5 minutes since the last one.

1. Your DH is presumably an adult and can make up his own mind as to how much he would like to drink and doesn't require you to police him.
2. Your DH is not babysitting his own child, he is parenting is how child.

YABU

A child’s father can not babysit can not babysit his own child.

What exactly is bothering you about this op? If your baby went to bed at 7 ish your dh could have had a couple of drinks with his friend, with his friend having the lions share. Nothing very controversial there I don't think. Did you have plans that have been spoilt? I'm not sure that he has done anything wrong yet?

Yeah, he's parenting - you can't babysit your own child.

Anyway, I wouldn't want my DH to be drunk whilst in sole charge of our baby. So if he's actually getting drunk I'd be unhappy and ask him not to.

But, I don't think you can dictate which of his friends come round, unless he's actively ignoring your baby whilst hanging out with them. So I'm half and half on this.

This would make me deeply uncomfortable too Curly - I don’t think you’re being at all unreasonable

Was he drunk? If not I really can't see the problem.

Babysitting?!?!? He is the child's father. It's called parenting.

Secondly, are you saying when you are home together of an evening you never have a drink? Never share a bottle of wine or similar when the child/children are in bed ? I know DH and I have done in the past. We know our limits, know how much will impair us and stay below that. DH has a higher tolerance than me and therefore can have a drink or two more than me without it affecting him. If your DH is/was a regular drinker I doubt a drink or two with his friend would stop him from parenting in an emergency. Driving yes, but lots of parents don't drive so there are lots of ways around that should it be needed.

I often used to have a friend over in the evening when my dd was a baby. I had many nights in with wine and friends.

It really depends if he is capable of tending the baby's needs while having a drink. Getting steaming drunk and ignoring a baby is awful and neglectful, chatting and having a beer while being in complete control is fine.

Ok so it's not babysitting and I get that he is an adult who can make his own decisions. But I'm sure he started drinking before he put her to bed. There's a bit of a difference between drinking a couple of beers/glasses of wine and getting through a bottle of vodka. I do trust my DH as a parent but these two do get wrecked together.

I'm pretty relaxed and would have a couple of drinks with DC in the house but getting through half a bottle of vodka with a friend is extreme, I'd be furious

Of course he shouldn't be getting wasted in charge of a baby. You have every right to be pissed off.

Having a beer in the garden with a mate is one thing - downing half a bottle of vodka with a friend he has a history of “getting absolutely wrecked with”, while caring for a young baby, is absolutely shocking in my opinion.
I’d be furious too OP

So they jointly got through half a bottle of vodka? That's not exactly hardcore, and I'm not even much of a drinker.
Also, why are you going on about the cost of it? A grown adult should be able to share his booze with a friend.

well was he drunk OP?

Jointly getting through half a bottle of vodka is hardly getting wasted.

Also he was expecting you home...

I feel like responses would be different if it was "My wife drank a bottle of wine with her friend while she had our daughter, I'm livid blah blah"

I wouldn’t be happy about this no.

Well he passed out on the sofa earlier so yes I'd say he was! Thanks for all the feedback.

Once a week me and my husband have friends over and we all get pretty smashed! The children are all sound asleep in their beds. Don’t really see the problem.

What size bottle of vodka are we talking about? A 35cl one is 14 units so 1/2 of that is 7 between 2 people is not very much really. ... a lt bottle is 37 units, so 18 as half a bottle so 9 units each for 2 people (assuming in both scenarios they've drunk the same amount)

Storm are you fucking joking? Half a bottle of vodka is not comparable to half a bottle of wine.

Sorry you’re having to deal with this OP - I hope you have other support.
I certainly wouldn’t leave my baby with him - what an absolute cock

Half a 70cl bottle of vodka is about 15 units, so 7.5 each. It’s a binge and it’s not good for you, but it’s not a crazy amount, equivalent to 2/3 of a bottle of wine each, or 3 and a half pints of beer.