For my DH to be drinking with his mate whilst babysitting

[curlyrebel]

I've gone back to work fairly recently and my DH looks after our DD on his days off. This evening I've come home to find DH in the back garden with one of his close mates having a drink. The pair of them drink heavily together and have been known to stay up all night drinking. I hated it before we had our DC and had it out with DH when I was pregnant. He stopped coming over but now he's back. In fact I'm sure I've seen him about 3 times in the last couple of weeks. I should say that Baby is asleep and the house is clean. However I see that they've got through a whole bottle of lemonade (bought just yesterday) and half a bottle of vodka (bought jointly for a birthday party that didn't get drunk). AIBU to ask him not to have said friend over when he's looking after our DD and for this friend not to drink all our booze?

Maybe he just needed a couple of chilled drinks with his friend in the garden knowing the DC's were in bed. He felt tired too and dozed off on the sofa

I find some of the responses on this thread incredibly upsetting, and deeply shocking. And before I’m castigated as a ‘tea total, controlling blah blah blah’ - we are vineyard owners - wine is our family business - we love wine. This is nothing to do with the semantics of drinking alcohol per se - it is specifically about drinking to excess whilst being SOLE carer of a young baby.
And for a father to behave like this while solely responsible for his very small baby - is utterly irresponsible. He’s a fucking disgrace.

The OP has stated that DH has a history of binge drinking and getting absolutely ‘wrecked’ with said friend - and that on this occasion she found him passed out afterwards. Yet many of you see no alarm bells ringing here? I hope to god the OP doesn’t listen to those who belittle her concerns.
Some posters feel it imperative they defend this man’s right to drink as much alcohol as he likes whilst being sole carer for his young baby.
Do you even consider the right of his baby to be cared for by a parent who isn’t pissed? And to those of you who say there’s no problem if the baby’s asleep - he should be allowed to drink as much as he chooses?? What the fuck? The baby will likely wake up at some point to be changed/fed/reassured - you honestly think it’s acceptable for the only person to be around is him?? If so, you need to attend a child safeguarding awareness course - urgently.
I wouldn’t leave some of you in charge of a fucking goldfish

Let’s face it op, this is really about the friend, who you hate.

Luisa27 - the man didn’t get wasted though did he! He had a few drinks with a friend
Just because he has got wasted in the past means fuck all.
I go out with my friends and get drunk, if I had the same friends over my house and had a couple of drinks so what? Because it’s certain friends that means I’m going to get wasted! No it doesn’t.

Luisa we do not know that he drank to excess whilst in sole charge of the baby. Op said that between them they had got through half a bottle of vodka by the time she got home. His friend could have had more than him and he knew that op was coming home, at which point he wouldn't be in sole charge. I consider myself a perfectly capable parent, good even, and I would have a glass of wine with a friend whilst waiting for dp to come home.

I also suspect this is you don't like the friend and don't like him there.

A quarter of a bottle max isn't going to impair many people it doesn't matter this pair "used" to get smashed, on this occasion before you got back he wasn't and you know it.

I don't think you can dictate who your husbands friends are and which ones are allows in the house and when. Which is suspect is what you really want to do and are just trying to find an angle to make it not seem so bad.

The question is was he capable of looking after his child if she woke up and the answer is very likely yes. Totally.

As such, trying to tell a grown man who they can be friends with and who is allowed in their own home, is just too controlling and not ok. No one wants to be married to that person.

.....I rest my case

Utter conflation. Whether or not you would “have a glass of wine with a friend whilst waiting for dp to come home” is, respectfully, beside the point.
The OP lives with her DH and knows him well - she is concerned by his behaviour and for the welfare of her baby. And rightly so in my opinion.

Blunt ....how the hell do you know if he was capable of looking after the baby if she woke up - and I quote

....“very likely yes. Totally.” 😐😮😂

Are you some sort of modern day soothsayer?

Anyhow, I’ve said bit....have a lovely Saturday everyone.
Hope you manage to get all this sorted OP

...my bit 😂

Trying to type and make a smoothie at the same time

Your not fun are you

The issue here is not whether or not it is fine to have a drink while looking after children but that the OP thinks her husband is a problem drinker who can’t drink responsibly.

OP, yes you are being reasonable, but you may also have to live with the consequences of your DH ignoring your concerns. You have to decide how much of a problem that is for you.

Are you some sort of modern day soothsayer?

Why no, I live in the real world and know that people used to alcohol will not be impaired with a max of a quarter of a bottle of vodka. I guess you don't drink and as such are currently clutching your pearls whilst digging your judgey pants out your arse crack?

Blunt - at least read my posts properly...we’re vineyard owners...we grow wine. I love wine 😂

So your ‘guess’ is wrong

Actually - I don’t think you’re very good at ‘guessing’ Blunt.
Just like when you try to ‘guess’ if OP’s DH would be capable if the baby woke up

I can see your point I don't think I would be overly happy about it. Depense how much he's drinking. Plus why is his friend hanging about your house so much? I'm curious as to where people are getting this phrase "babysitting" at no point dad she say he was "babysitting". So why is ok for dad being solely responsible for the child while mum's at work to sit and get sloshed but not ok for a babysitter that would also be solely responsible for the child?

I would not want anyone to drink anything alcoholic whilst looking after my child, and I'm incredulous at how many people seem to think this is fine. My mother adores wine, but she was simply tee-total until we were teenagers, as were all of my friend's parents when at home.

"This is nothing to do with the semantics of drinking alcohol per se -"

You are absolutely right, this has absolutely nothing to do with the semantics of drinking alcohol.

Could he drive if your baby was taken ill suddenly? If no then he is being massively irresponsible.

@jamiefraserskilt

My husband no longer had a license. Should I never ever leave my kids with him because he can’t drive??

Jamiefraserskilt
If your child’s suddenly so ill they need to go to hospital then call an ambulance or a taxi.

Hundreds of parents don’t drive! So should they not have children? What a stupid statement.

If he usually drives and op is relying on him to be fully there, with it,and generally on the ball and he cannot deliver because of being drunk, then it is irresponsible. If he is a driver.
Ambulances in some rural areas, let alone taxis, can take ages to arrive. Hence the comment about him being able to drive. If the op lives in a more built up area, where taxis are two a penny and ambulances are quick then fair enough. I lost a friend recently who could have been saved (coroner comment) if she could have got help within half an hour. The hospital was fifteen minutes drive away. if a. Her husband had not have been over the limit (has a drinking problem) b. The ambulance had arrived in less than 40 minutes (maxed out in town) and c. If it had not happened on a busy friday night when taxis are like hens teeth, the outcome would have been different. She lived in a rural area. Her husband is struggling to come to terms with this and so are we. Projection it may be but it happens.