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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have told woman at college to get a life?

103 replies

OnTheporch · 17/05/2018 12:46

Currently doing a health course at college. I've become friendly with another woman on the course and we sit and work together. On a few occasions she's kicked off about marking, saying she deserved higher marks and that the marking was not consistent. She's very competitive and needs to be the best of the best so to speak. Complete opposite of me, I couldn't give a shit as long as I pass the bloody thing.

Anyway last week we received some work back and she'd got a merit rather than her usual distinction. She beckoned the tutor over and made her explain why. The woman then kicked off saying marking wasn't consistent and the course was ridiculous as the marking wasn't regulated. The tutor asked her to calm down and said she'd still got good marks and a merit was the mark of the average student. Big mistake - this woman then screamed that she didn't want to be an average student, she wanted to be a top student. She was crying and really putting on a performance. Everyone was staring.

Anyway, yesterday we received more work back. She'd got a distinction and low and behold, so did I. She then demanded to look at my work to make sure the marking was consistent. That is when she noticed we'd both put the same answer to one question, hers was marked wrong, mine was marked right. So fair enough, inconsistent. She beckoned the tutor over and asked her to explain how two same answers could receive different marks. Tutor looked flustered and said it was just the way the answers were worded. The woman kicked off saying that wasn't good enough, either the answers were wrong or right and said she wanted hers marked right. Tutor explained she'd already got the top grade so it wouldn't effect her overall score. Woman screamed that that wasn't the point. In the end the tutor said she couldn't mark hers right, all she could do was mark mine wrong which would drop me out of the distinction and onto a merit. Woman demanded that she do that then. So she did, whilst apologising profoundly to me.

I said "don't worry about it, I have bigger things to worry about than whether I get a merit or distinction on one bit of work!" And laughed.

Woman took this personally and said it was clearly a dig at her and did I have a problem with her. By this point I'd had enough of her tantrums so said "yeah actually, I think you need to get a life getting so upset over such daft things! Christ I wish that was all I had to worry about in life!".

She screamed full screech "fuck you!" And gathered her things and left. Everyone was gobsmacked.

Was I out of order or did she need telling???

OP posts:

KeepServingTheDrinks · 17/05/2018 14:38

Interesting one, OnTheporch.

From the way your OP reads, you're mature-ish students? Perhaps that's just me assuming that? I think it makes a difference whether you are all 18/19 yr olds, or people who are returning to education.
And I think this for contradictory reasons.... An 18/19(ish) yr old, may not have the maturing, or (if previously successful) used to being average, hence the hissy fits and tantrums. It's more understandable by a teenager than someone over the age of 30.
Although, maybe someone who returns to education later is REALLY relying on doing well to try and change their life path? (I think the MN term is 'over-invested'?).

I think the teacher comes out of this incredibly badly.... Being drawn in to the other woman's agenda. Distracting for the class and a challenge to the teacher's authority (will everyone now challenge her marking???). So the teacher has handled this very badly, I think. I agree with all the PPs who've said this in one way or another.

I think - retrospectively - it was a huge mistake to share your work with this woman. Perhaps you now agree? And I can't see you sitting with her or working together in the future.

But I quite admire your line to her. That's entertaining!

How have the rest of the class responded?

Murane · 17/05/2018 14:40

So whose answer was correct? Why could she mark yours wrong but not mark hers right? Something sounds fishy here. Yes the woman could have handled it better but she's right to complain about inconsistency. I'd be complaining to the tutor's manager as the marking is clearly inconsistent so who knows if you're all getting the grades you deserve!

KeepServingTheDrinks · 17/05/2018 14:42

Maturity. Doh!

MirriVan · 17/05/2018 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wizzywig · 17/05/2018 14:44

Im a mature student (very mature!!) And i see this kind of behaviour with a lot of the twenty-40 year old students who have done well in their undergrad degrees. Totally unable to cope with a pass or merit. Ive seen them demanding remarkings, slating the university etc etc.

theunsure · 17/05/2018 14:45

What sort of college course is this? I work in HE and although FE is slightly different I can't think of any way that this would be allowed to happen. I'd be very concerned about the quality of the course if the assessment strategy is so unprofessional.

eggncress · 17/05/2018 14:49

Sounds like she’s trying to intimidate the teacher into making her ‘top of the class ‘

TheFatkinsDiet · 17/05/2018 14:51

She sounds like she’s getting very wound up about the course. I probably would have avoided any sort of confrontation with her, as she’s clearly not dealing very well with something in her life, or the course.

I get why you snapped though. It’s quite unsettling to be around someone so volatile.

My sister went a bit angry when she was resitting her a levels as a mature student actually. She got an A, but apparently nobody in our family celebrated enough. I’ve never seen her so angry, especially not as a grown woman. It was totally out of character. I think looking back, she had always felt really insecure at school and didn’t get very good grades, so getting an A was a massive deal for her although she already had a decent degree by the time she got the A at a-level. Maybe it’s something like that?

KurriKurri · 17/05/2018 14:57

I don't understand why the teacher said she couldn;t mark this woman's answer right but could only mark yours wrong.
if yours was right, it was right - I wouldn't have accepted it being marked wrong - that's just bizarre. And why couldn't she correct the marking on the woman's paper if her answer was also correct.

I agree that the woman totally over reacted and made a scene, but I think you were wrong to tell her to get a life just because she has a different work ethic to you. Some people are happy just to get by and pass a course, some people work really hard because they want to do really well. There might be all sorts of reasons why it's important to her to do well. People are different, and being different from you doesn't make someone wrong (doesn't make you wrong either).

Teacher sounds like a complete drip, maybe she'll be a bit more careful with her marking now at least.

Dljlr · 17/05/2018 14:57

Your tutor sounds utterly inept. I'd be more concerned at her inability to control a class of adults than about one unpleasant individual.

toomuchtooold · 17/05/2018 14:59

I have a lot of sympathy for the woman TBH. I also find it crazy-making when there's inconsistent marking on courses. Getting a job is such a crapshoot, depending so much on whether the recruiter takes a shine to you for whatever reason being the same sex, colour and social class always seems to help so it seems doubly unfair when there's inconsistent marking during the course, the only bit you have direct control over. She reminds me of a bloke who was on my German course (it was a full time 3 month intensive course like, not an evening class type thing, we were all quite committed) - he'd been let go from his job, 10 guys only he gets made redundant, and they say it's because his German isn't good enough. Nothing to do with the fact that he is a Serbian ex refugee in a part of Switzerland that took the majority of refugees from the war in Yugoslavia and lots of locals think they're all gangsters... it seemed like the guy had decided to take the language thing at face value, he was basically there to prove to himself that his German was good, that it wasn't the reason he'd been let go. He took it incredibly hard when he got anything wrong and froze whenever he was asked a question, despite the fact that the guy could speak fluently outside the class. He was the only one of us not to pass. I felt so sorry for him. I wonder if anything like that might be going on with this lady.

I do also think though, why the hell wouldn't you try your hardest at a course? I mean, as long as you're going to be there, why not try your best? Even if you're just there for fun, it's usually more fun to do something when you're good at it, no?
(I would say that though. I got a class ticket B in my first year university maths and I asked them if I could take the exam to try and bump it up to an A. They said no, with a distinct undertone of go and have a holiday. It's the only course I've ever sat that I didn't get an A for

Dljlr · 17/05/2018 15:00

This whole culture of challenging marks seems to be increasing year on year within HE (no experience of FE teaching). That tutor seriously needs to get a grip.

woollytights · 17/05/2018 15:01

I'll ignore the descriptions of her behaviour, because you're exaggerating as much as possible to try and make her sound like a snarling, deranged wild animal beating her chest and screaming. Not very believable really

Otherwise, the student is correct to challenge the teacher if they're not marking work correctly.

TryingToForgeAnewLife · 17/05/2018 15:03

OP - are you going to still sit with her?

IceSwan · 17/05/2018 15:03

She might have been right about the answer being inconsistent but to demand you are marked down? Absolute prick!

DuchyDuke · 17/05/2018 15:11

If she was right about inconsistant marking I don’t understand why you weren’t angrier about it. Mature education is expensive, you need to get your money’s worth and in this instance it looks like you aren’t.

Olicity17 · 17/05/2018 16:13

I bet the woman wasnt nearly as dramatic as op says. And that the OP is alot more bothered about being moved from a distiction to a merit, which is why she felt the need to make a dig.

LoveInTokyo · 17/05/2018 16:33

Well it was plainly wrong for the teacher to mark the OP down because this other student (her so-called “friend”) demanded it!

SweetCheeks1980 · 17/05/2018 17:04

I'm presuming it's an access to uni course, because uni grades are different to college grades.
I would have been very unhappy with a merit at college but I got round that by working harder and getting a Distinction*.

This woman obviously wants to get the best grade possible but is also clearly nuts. She's lucky nobody else had told her to f-off before now. You'll probably end up seeing her again in the health care profession when you're administering her meds in the nut house.

UserInfinityplus1 · 17/05/2018 17:16

Blimey. She was correct about the inconsistency of the teacher but she needed to have handled it way better than that. A woman on my degree course kicked off about a grade once to a tutor in front of us all, crying, begging the full works. Instead of arguing his point about the grade the lecturer just upped it. He completely lost the respect of the whole class after that.

Racecardriver · 17/05/2018 17:20

We're they actually the same answer though? If she worded her answer poorly the meaning could have been ambiguous or completely different from your answer.

TheFallenMadonna · 17/05/2018 17:26

Stop worrying about the other student and start worrying about a tutor who marks you down not because you or she have made an error, but to appease someone else.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 17/05/2018 17:31

She sounds unbearable. Avoid like the plague.

It's all very well getting top marks on paper but for her people skills, maturity and ability to remain calm in a confrontational situation I award An Epic Fail.

She's better suited to a drama course. What self absorbed twat makes a scene in front of the whole class like that? There's no excuse for an adult to behave like that.

CircleofWillis · 17/05/2018 17:33

Stop worrying about the other student and start worrying about a tutor who marks you down not because you or she have made an error, but to appease someone else.
^^ this

GrainOfSalt · 17/05/2018 19:11

I taught on an Access course for 5 years. This take me back and is eerily accurate. Yes, some so called 'mature' students can and do behave like this

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