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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have told woman at college to get a life?

103 replies

OnTheporch · 17/05/2018 12:46

Currently doing a health course at college. I've become friendly with another woman on the course and we sit and work together. On a few occasions she's kicked off about marking, saying she deserved higher marks and that the marking was not consistent. She's very competitive and needs to be the best of the best so to speak. Complete opposite of me, I couldn't give a shit as long as I pass the bloody thing.

Anyway last week we received some work back and she'd got a merit rather than her usual distinction. She beckoned the tutor over and made her explain why. The woman then kicked off saying marking wasn't consistent and the course was ridiculous as the marking wasn't regulated. The tutor asked her to calm down and said she'd still got good marks and a merit was the mark of the average student. Big mistake - this woman then screamed that she didn't want to be an average student, she wanted to be a top student. She was crying and really putting on a performance. Everyone was staring.

Anyway, yesterday we received more work back. She'd got a distinction and low and behold, so did I. She then demanded to look at my work to make sure the marking was consistent. That is when she noticed we'd both put the same answer to one question, hers was marked wrong, mine was marked right. So fair enough, inconsistent. She beckoned the tutor over and asked her to explain how two same answers could receive different marks. Tutor looked flustered and said it was just the way the answers were worded. The woman kicked off saying that wasn't good enough, either the answers were wrong or right and said she wanted hers marked right. Tutor explained she'd already got the top grade so it wouldn't effect her overall score. Woman screamed that that wasn't the point. In the end the tutor said she couldn't mark hers right, all she could do was mark mine wrong which would drop me out of the distinction and onto a merit. Woman demanded that she do that then. So she did, whilst apologising profoundly to me.

I said "don't worry about it, I have bigger things to worry about than whether I get a merit or distinction on one bit of work!" And laughed.

Woman took this personally and said it was clearly a dig at her and did I have a problem with her. By this point I'd had enough of her tantrums so said "yeah actually, I think you need to get a life getting so upset over such daft things! Christ I wish that was all I had to worry about in life!".

She screamed full screech "fuck you!" And gathered her things and left. Everyone was gobsmacked.

Was I out of order or did she need telling???

OP posts:

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/05/2018 13:15

Oh it's a health course.

If I was still fortunate to have my mum and dad I wouldn't have wanted her looking after them.

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 17/05/2018 13:15

She sounds like an OTT nightmare, tutor sounds like a spineless idiot who doesn't know what she's doing. Between the two of them I think you did very well not to punch anyone grin

^ this

But I think you should also mention this to someone higher up. Sounds like your tutor is struggling, with both the course and the demanding one.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/05/2018 13:16

Maybe she wasn't wrong. Her reaction was though.

Cheto · 17/05/2018 13:17

This course may be really important to her ... yes she handled it badly but if I was her I'd report the teacher ... she sounds woefully inept

Juells · 17/05/2018 13:18

This is so OTT that's it's difficult to believe, but on the other hand I've met people like that, unfortunately :(

There's no way I'd have accepted having an answer re-marked downward because someone else was throwing a strop. You need to grow a bit of a spine yourself.

picklemepopcorn · 17/05/2018 13:18

How bizarre.
what matters here is whether the answer is right or wrong, not who cries the loudest.

Elementtree · 17/05/2018 13:18

I think she handled it bad, even though I think you've hammed this up for dramatic effect. I think it's clear that the marking has been haphazard and that reflects badly on the tutor. I certainly wouldn't be as cool about it as you seem to be but I'd just address it with her senior.

whatisthisimleaking · 17/05/2018 13:19

She sounds a bit OTT and emotional with how she handles the issue. And tbh the teacher doesn't sound great.

SendintheArdwolves · 17/05/2018 13:19

Come on, OP. You sketch out a comedically unlikely situation, with hysterically tantrummung centre character, tell us you were cool as a ninja and delivered a pithy put down and ask all innocently "was I being unreasonable to tell her off??"

Chinny reckon any of this actually happened OP

Littlechocola · 17/05/2018 13:19

She will make a great health care professional

scarbados · 17/05/2018 13:21

The marking is clearly inconsistent so she's right on that.

But I joined MN this morning so I could defend the other student to some extent. I was brought up by a mum who pressured me to be best at everything. Second in the class exam? Not good enough! 97% in a maths test? Obviously wasn't trying! 2:1 degree? Total failure and proof of my inadequacy, lack of respect for her and lack of gratitude for 'all we've done for you'. Dad was a different matter and didn't give a shit if I passed or failed so long as I did my best. But mum hurt and humiliated me so much it took years to get over it.

Maybe your friend has a mother like mine was and hasn't managed to escape the tyrrany yet?

5foot5 · 17/05/2018 13:21

Assuming you are not exaggerating and assuming she really did kick off and shout and scream like this then obviously she is a bit unhinged and should have handled things in a different way.

However, I don't see anything wrong with the attitude of trying always for the best marks and to be the best in the class. I actually prefer that attitude to your "Whatever, so long as I do enough to get through" approach.

Thinkingofausername1 · 17/05/2018 13:21

You sound like me. I have little tolerance for people like that now days.

Aylarose · 17/05/2018 13:24

Wow, she got your grade lowered and then swore at you?! It sounds like she has problems.

Obviously there was a bit of an issue with inconsistent marking and objectively I sort of think the tutor should have given you both the distinction instead BUT like you say there are more important things in life.

LoveInTokyo · 17/05/2018 13:26

Just re-read the OP - she got your grade lowered from a distinction to a merit even though it didn’t make any difference to her own grade because she already had a distinction?

Definitely complain, and don’t ever sit near this toxic woman again. She is clearly mental. And shouldn’t be allowed to work in healthcare anyway.

TomRavenscroft · 17/05/2018 13:30

The tutor should have arranged to speak to her about it privately later, but YANBU in your actions. She needed telling. What a drama llama.

TheCraicDealer · 17/05/2018 13:35

She's right about the inconsistent marking, of course, but she handled it in a completely unreasonable and unprofessional manner. She may have had the desired outcome (i.e., highlighting the tutor's shortcomings) but in doing so she embarrassed and drew attention to another person's grade. It wasn't her place to disclose that to the class; if she believed there to be an issue she could have complained to the college or department. Instead she lost her cool and effectively had a tantrum.

In light of all that she may wish to consider if healthcare is the right career for her, but I wouldn't be the one to give her that advice. Or indeed ever speak to her again.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/05/2018 13:37

Complain to the college both about this woman and your mark. Get your work reassessed and your mark reinstated if the answer is correct. No way should you be a scapegoat for this cowbag. The college also needs to assess whether or not the woman on your course should be allowed to continue as she is seriously disrupting the class.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 17/05/2018 13:38

The marking is clearly inconsistent so she's right on that

See, I don't get that. It depends on the criteria, but sometimes more clearly worded and less ambiguous answers do get more marks.

I don't understand why the OP's was marked down, though, that's just weird and something I'd complain about.

InsomniacAnonymous · 17/05/2018 13:38

The tutor sounds useless. I would complain about her.

Luisa27 · 17/05/2018 13:39

The woman at college sounds like a huge weirdo 😂

StormTreader · 17/05/2018 13:40

So, WAS the answer right or wrong?

hornpay · 17/05/2018 13:40

reach out to her,she might look spoiled but she may be suffering

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 17/05/2018 13:41

The tutors clearly a lazy marker
Small mistakes do happen, no one is perfect. Marking gets second considered as a matter of course but sometimes the odd thing will slip through, systems involving humans will always be subject to some level of human error and believe me when you are marking 200 assignments however hard you try you will make some small mistakes. The rules in our institution are that if a student notices they have incorrectly been docked marks they can request that this is corrected. However they cannot request that another student’s work is remarked. Under those rules this situation would not have happened because she would not have been able to ask for OPs work to be reconsidered, and if awarded an extra mark by accident the OP would presumably not have requested her work was remarked! What I would have done in this situation is explain it was marked as correct in error and explain the rules, and made sure for future reference the OP understood her answer was in fact incorrect despite being allocated a mark. If a second inconsistency had shown up I would have collected all the work back in from everyone for a full review and re-mark.

BertrandRussell · 17/05/2018 13:42

If she really behaved like this, then she clearly has serious issues and you will have done no good at all by your "telling it like it is!"

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