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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why does football seem to bring the worst out in parents?

77 replies

bbc3ismyworld · 16/05/2018 20:45

I've got two older DD's, who play hockey at a fairly high level. There's rivalry between teams, and high feelings when teams are being chosen, but it's all very pleasant and sports-woman like.

My 6yo DS plays football, and is pretty good. He plays for a local team, and trains with a professional club. So far his matches with his teams have been "friendlies", they officially join the league next year when they players go into year 2. But at the matches they do play, DS is the top scorer.

At training sessions, and matches, I've had barbed and PA comments about kids that have skills at this age start to fade as others develop, how my DS scores a lot because of xyz, but that will change for insert a reason. Not once have I preened and bragged about his performances. I know nothing about the bloody game, and although I can see he's good, I'm really not that interested as long as he is having fun.

The other issue is the shouty parents, who take the games and training sessions really seriously. Shouting encouragement is one thing, and telling your child off for standing still picking his nose instead of trying to get the ball. But this is really forceful and aggressive.

It's such a contrast to how things are in my DD's sports. It's mainly dads involved, too, so maybe it's just to much testosterone and harking back to the days when they thought they were going to become the next Gary Lineker.

I know from talking to parents of older kids, it's only going to get worse, too. I'm dreading it!

(So my AIBU is to be pissed of at other parents behaviour and their attitude towards me re my DS playing well?!)

OP posts:
Karen85 · 16/05/2018 21:10

It's usually dads trying to live their lives through their sons

bbc3ismyworld · 16/05/2018 21:12

That's certainly how it seems, karen85! I just need to find a way to cope with it!

OP posts:
VerbenaBorensis · 16/05/2018 21:13

Think it's usual -seen it so many times myself and hate it(the shouting overbearing parents ) doesn't happen so much at rugby though.

HidCat · 16/05/2018 21:15

I'd leave it alone as long as the kids aren't being made to feel bad or being sworn at. Football fans are extremely passionate no matter what level the game is and will cheer on their 6yr old like they were playing in the PL. Might be worth a chat with the coach if you're concerned about the level of aggression from the parents though to see if anything can be done.

Ohmydayslove · 16/05/2018 21:17

I agree op it’s hideous. I honestly think parents should be banned from the touchline. We had 4 sports mad lads and the behaviour, language, vileness over football for the under 10s parents was appalling. It’s better as they get older as parents are generally more sensible as the kids are older.

I have seen small boys torn to shreds by their dads for a Sunday friendly aged 7.

Rugby and cricket was a tad better because middle cksss dads don’t generally swear but still not great.

My girls didn’t play footie but did athletics next to a football league for men. The language from the men was so bad I complained. Eventually the girls stopped going. Awful.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 16/05/2018 21:18

Find a club where it doesn't happen. My DS plays football, parents don't even pay attention at training we are too busy talking amongst ourselves and at matches we shout encouragement and clap attempts on goal/goals/good saves. Only the coach is allowed to shout instruction but even then he tends to mostly let the kids make their own mistakes so they can learn from them. It doesn't have to be the way you describe, it continues to happen because parents continue to put up with it.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 16/05/2018 21:21

DS1 is a rugby boy and always has been. DS2 is a football boy and always has been. I'm a lazy woman so don't give a toss, but the difference between the two sports is monumental.

The coaches at DS1's rugby team are absolutely never spoken back to, they'll bollock anyone who gets into japes and they're tough on the team when they're not playing well. I can't remember them ever having to tell off parents and when we have tournaments there's a huge emphasis on sportsmanship.

The coaches at DS2's football team have been called all sorts, the children have shouted at them, some of the players on his team refuse to play as part of the team and there have been incidents where parents have had to be asked to leave the game. The tournament I went to in March was an eye-opener because some of the parents were absolutely battered for the whole day.

So I think the difference between each different sport is the parents it attracts. There'll always be exceptions but if I had a choice I'd avoid children's football like the plague.

bbc3ismyworld · 16/05/2018 21:49

The coach will tell off the parents if necessary, just so sad that it is necessary Sad

OP posts:
Ohmydayslove · 16/05/2018 21:53

But you can’t find aclub where it doesn’t happen! If your club is nice you play against others they may not be and you have no control over that it’s fixtures

bbc3ismyworld · 17/05/2018 09:07

Ohmydays you're right, we've already witnessed other teams (of 6yos) playing really dirty and the coaches not picking them up on it. I'm not looking forward to another 10 or so years of this!

OP posts:
jujujbel · 17/05/2018 09:25

I can't see that you can escape this completely unfortunately. My DS(9) plays for a team where his coach is female and the majority of the coaching staff are female - it is very noticeable how different the attitude and atmosphere is in their team from many of the teams that they play. This isn't something we chose on purpose but I am so pleased how it has worked out for him. All of the team have a huge amount of respect for the coach (and the parents too) as she does not suffer fools but is engaging and fair - and a superb footballer herself.

windermerebell · 17/05/2018 09:39

My DH used to coach football and he said the worst thing was parents. He has been threatened, had a punch thrown at him for not picking a child to start (he was on the subs bench) because he wanted to give all the kids equal chance.
He has had parents after one session with their 5 year old asking if their kids are good enough to play in the premier league
If has told parents to back off and banned them from the touch line for being abuse to their kids or other kids.
The best was a match that I went to watch the DH as the ref. He didn’t even let the game start because he overheard another coach (who was a parent) telling his team to get stuck in and to make sure when they kick the ball to kick the player as well and try and injure them.

He does coach any more

windermerebell · 17/05/2018 09:39

That was meant to be he does not coach any more

MissionItsPossible · 17/05/2018 09:44

OP are you talking about regular hockey? I knew a young person who played Ice Hockey and my god, the behaviour of most of the parents was appalling (and racist). Shoutingly encouraging their children to injure others on the opposite team and cheering if it worked and they had to leave the ice

MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 17/05/2018 09:48

I worked with someone who’s son was a junior referee, did loads of training/assessments - the area is short on junior refs so it was quite a big thing that he had put the effort in and wanted to give something back.

The amount of abuse he got from grown men and women was astounding! He was 15 and had adults screaming in his face that he was effing this and that.

He gave up after leaving school.

Stripybeachbag · 17/05/2018 09:49

Wow! I am gobsmacked at these stories.

windermerebell · 17/05/2018 09:50

Also my DH coached and still coaches cricket and has never had an issue

Mintychoc1 · 17/05/2018 09:53

I've heard about this sort of thing, but my DSs are 12 and 9, both in football teams, and no trouble at all.

Adversecamber22 · 17/05/2018 09:54

DS team was great but the coaches wouldn't stand for any nonsense. His team won the award most years for being the most sportsmanlike team or something like that. I did see some shocking stuff pitchside though, a parent was red carded or the equivalent. Any bad behaviour meant a fine as well.

Mossend · 17/05/2018 09:56

My DS, 14, and is now on a contract with a professional club and I totally agree.
When my DS played at boys club level the jealousy amongst parents was awful, they are 6 fgs, just let them enjoy it.
There is still some issues at the level my DS plays at now but due to the fact all the boys are at a high standard it isn't nearly as bad as at the boys club.,
I'm sorry to say but I don't think it will ever change either

BertrandRussell · 17/05/2018 09:57

My ds is a referee. He gets such hassle from parents he is thinking of giving up.

FizzyGreenWater · 17/05/2018 09:57

Answer to your question is one word: men.

Mumtothelittlefella · 17/05/2018 09:58

Our 6 year old played football on local team. He didn’t know what was going on - he just wanted to kick a ball like most of the other kids. But the parents! The shouting, the pre-match analysis over the WhatsApp Group. We pulled him out the day the parents started calling the ref a KNOB! It was awful. These are kids. There’s no way we want our kids to experience that behaviour.

Mumtothelittlefella · 17/05/2018 09:59

Oh and the Mums were equally shouty as the Dads.

minionsrule · 17/05/2018 10:01

Tbf I have witnessed football coaches who are as bad, so desperate to win at all costs, it's very sad and pathetic and the kids don't learn anything as they are either constantly instructed in matches what to do, who to pass to etc, or are afraid to touch the ball in case they make a mistake.
Op other parents are just jealous if your lad is signed to an acadamy, seen it so many times sadly.
Ds is 12 now and i think will give up footy as he is not as competitive in it as the other kids. Cricket is much nicer, supportive and encouraging.... in my experience anyway

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