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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why does football seem to bring the worst out in parents?

77 replies

bbc3ismyworld · 16/05/2018 20:45

I've got two older DD's, who play hockey at a fairly high level. There's rivalry between teams, and high feelings when teams are being chosen, but it's all very pleasant and sports-woman like.

My 6yo DS plays football, and is pretty good. He plays for a local team, and trains with a professional club. So far his matches with his teams have been "friendlies", they officially join the league next year when they players go into year 2. But at the matches they do play, DS is the top scorer.

At training sessions, and matches, I've had barbed and PA comments about kids that have skills at this age start to fade as others develop, how my DS scores a lot because of xyz, but that will change for insert a reason. Not once have I preened and bragged about his performances. I know nothing about the bloody game, and although I can see he's good, I'm really not that interested as long as he is having fun.

The other issue is the shouty parents, who take the games and training sessions really seriously. Shouting encouragement is one thing, and telling your child off for standing still picking his nose instead of trying to get the ball. But this is really forceful and aggressive.

It's such a contrast to how things are in my DD's sports. It's mainly dads involved, too, so maybe it's just to much testosterone and harking back to the days when they thought they were going to become the next Gary Lineker.

I know from talking to parents of older kids, it's only going to get worse, too. I'm dreading it!

(So my AIBU is to be pissed of at other parents behaviour and their attitude towards me re my DS playing well?!)

OP posts:
KellyanneConway · 17/05/2018 13:08

I'll also add that the bad behaviour is absolutely most notable in the sharp-elbowed middle class, 2 parent families. The fancier the car, the sharper the elbows and bigger the mouth. The kids from the big estate nearby don't tend to join the organised league clubs.

Scabbersley · 17/05/2018 13:09

Rugby culture has always been vile and misogynist-just sugarcoated with posh accents and "youthful high spirits"

Yes absolutely this

Scabbersley · 17/05/2018 13:09

What a ridiculous comment kellyanne

BertrandRussell · 17/05/2018 13:12

My experience does not match Kellyanne's comment at all.

KellyanneConway · 17/05/2018 13:13

Haha, I'll do some research and produce a graph to demonstrate the correlation Smile

Eolian · 17/05/2018 13:15

I hate it. Not the behaviour of parents, but of kids. Ds tried going to a football club but left because of the horrible attitudes. Coaches turned a blind eye and always favoured the super-competitive kids in spite of their behaviour. Ds has given up playing football at school at playtime too for the same reason. There are boys who are otherwise fine, but turn into monsters as soon as they are playing football. It's fairly regularly banned during playtime because it causes such arguments and bad feeling. None of the other games seem to.

Scabbersley · 17/05/2018 13:15

Lol don't bother!

Scabbersley · 17/05/2018 13:18

I think if parents just relaxed and stopped getting so involved and het up about other kids getting more play time it would be a great example to the kids. Fancy taking your kid out of a sports club because he wasn't a favourite!

Unihorn · 17/05/2018 13:25

I grew up in a football family and played myself until I was about 14. It was always the mums that were the worst and it's the same for my DSD's team at the moment. I played for a team with "normal" non shouty parents and it was well known which teams were the worst culprits in the county.

As an avid football fan it's most irritating when people who know fuck all about football shout nonsense.

Scabbersley · 17/05/2018 13:36

I love football. It's one of the most exciting sports my dds have ever been involved in. Lots of passion!

specialsubject · 17/05/2018 13:51

alleged team games always bring out the worst in people , even in the op's kids with 'high feelings' when teams are chosen. are they still in the school p e class?

there may also be a lot of kids pushed into the 'team' and getting bullied by parents because of it. these sports are horrible if you arent the running about type , cant throw or have poor eyesight. as all three I have nothing but bad memories of childhood sport.

no excuse for screaming parents. and spectator sport doesn count - go do something!

TheAntiBoop · 17/05/2018 14:29

Ime the bad behaviour comes from every class!

namechangedtoday15 · 17/05/2018 14:51

3 children. 1 boy, 2 girls. Mixture of different sports (football, rugby, girls and boys hockey, netball). We're in a fairly affluent area but matches take place all over.

No correlation between sport / area / class.

Football is no worse than any other sport.

Idiot parents crop up everywhere.

BackInTime · 17/05/2018 14:54

This is not exclusive to football or boys, there are vile and pushy parents everywhere. I have heard some horrible things said at gymnastics and dance as well as football. I overheard a parent say to her DD that she hoped another child would break her leg and could not compete. What a great example to set your DC Hmm

Metoodear · 17/05/2018 15:21

My daughter couldn’t take the shouting and swearing this was football class at 3

Metoodear · 17/05/2018 15:22

BackInTime

My son did rugby and I am afraid it’s far less

Storminateapot · 17/05/2018 15:38

My son did Sunday league football for a few years. The parents in our team were all good-natured, enjoyed the games, were philosophical about losing (had to be Grin) and just had fun with it. There were parents (dads) from some other clubs in our league who shouted, swore, were very aggressive. One team had a suspension & we refused to play them again because one of the dads squared up to one of the Mums on our team because her son was scoring goals & he couldn't cope with losing. He was screaming in her face, calling her a whore....had to be dragged off. Never seen anything like it!!

TheAntiBoop · 17/05/2018 16:08

Don't forget the cheating - my ds team got through to a final because the other team were disqualified for fielding a team of players 1-3 years over the age range! Why would you do that!!!

Scabbersley · 17/05/2018 16:27

You should see pony club Grin

BertrandRussell · 17/05/2018 16:29

Oh my word, Pony Club. Competitive picnics and Joan should have won because she's got the most expensive pony!

LARLARLAND · 17/05/2018 16:36

Pony Club sounds hilarious!

BertrandRussell · 17/05/2018 16:47

I always made sure I Won at Picnics. Grin

MrsHathaway · 17/05/2018 17:16

Reading this whilst making a picnic for a Thing tomorrow Grin Four kinds of crudités none of which they'll eat.

Claire90ftm · 17/05/2018 17:57

I hate football, I think it brings out the worst in a lot of people and I really don't get it... Anyway, it is horrible to see those parents who are hard on their children all over a game. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

Lifeaback · 17/05/2018 18:08

i hate football, I think it brings out the worse in a lot of people

Couldn't agree more with this. People get so loud and violent over it and often behave shockingly when watching matches. I think this, coupled with parents trying to live through their kids is why it seems to be acceptable and very common for parents to behave the way you've described.

Unfortunately if you move clubs I'm sure you'll find the same thing there. The best thing to do is probably just turn as blind an eye as you can for the sake of your son. I know it's hard- DD1 is part of an elite gymnastics squad and I rarely go to watch anymore because there are certain parents who sit in the gallery the whole time slagging off the kids more talented than their own out of what I can only assume is deep rooted jealousy. I think it happens in every sport but is more common and much louder in football

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