To wonder how the hell drs, nurses and surgeons cope with dealing with death and emotional distressing situations as a regular occurance

[LardLizard]

Like the ones that work in areas of high stress like surgery or a and e etc

I work with the homeless and when I first started - many years ago, I really struggled. So many terribly sad stories (no they're not all 'chancers' or 'scroungers' as has been suggested on other threads and at other times) I cried an awful lot to start with, and I still do sometimes when I am in an emotional mood myself - we all have sad days after all. I guess we just have to believe that what we are doing will help maybe one out of ten or twenty or whatever and thank god every night that we're currently ok.

I think it depends a great deal on the situation and the area in which you work. I used to work in a hospice, so almost all of our patients died. (I say "almost all" because we did have a few patients whose condition improved and they were admitted to long-term care. We did also have one patient who returned home.) I actually greatly enjoyed working there and we approached death as just a natural part of life. Our job as nurses and caregivers was to treat their symptoms and make them comfortable so that their death could be as easy as possible.

In my area, we have something called the Critical Incident Stress Management (CISM) Team, which is a team of people who are there to support staff in the event of a severely distressing situation. On the unit where I worked they did call in the team once. One of our patients had a visitor who had committed a crime (not while he was visiting). The police arrested him while he was visiting on the unit. I wasn't working that day, but they called in the CISM team to debrief the staff who were present and witnessed the situation. It was a particularly serious crime and involved the family member of a patient. Everything discussed with the CISM team is confidential and it's intended to be a support service for the staff.

Today, I work in academia and I teach nursing students. In the two courses I teach we have sections on palliative care and loss and bereavement. I always encourage my students to practice good self-care and self-awareness and reassure them that it's okay to ask for a mental health day or for a different assignment if they're finding a situation to be too much.

You become desensitised and hardened after a while or you end up not coping with it.

Same with all things see it enough and it’s just another stab wound, just another car accident, just another boat sinking on the way to the eu, just another homeless person etc

I would go into a practical but compassionate mode and somehow deal with it further down the line. There wasn't any form of debriefing or support when I was working as a nurse so you just got on with it, little training either....

I work in high dependency and see some terrible and sad things , you sort of build an exterior shell to it , it can really take it’s tole on you over time .

I asked my df's consultant oncologist that the day he died. She said that she charted her success in the days/weeks/months/years that they got beyond what seemed possible at first diagnosis. So for example when she met df for the first time, she thought he had maybe six months based on the type of cancer/location etc. In the end he managed 26 months so 20 months longer seeing his grandson grow up a bit, spending time with his family etc and that she focuses on that, rather than the death.

I don’t agree you necessarily get desensitised/hardened. You learn to work through
You have skills,you have process & protocol,you draw upon your own emotional resilience
It’s never just another death/homeless/catastrophic event.ever.not for me
I need to really emphasise that in fact it’s always someone, someone’s dad,mum,sibling. Thats the whole point

You learn to emotionally detach, because you have a job to do. Also most health professionals have a really dark sense of humour. I go home and let it all out to DH.

It can be hard though, there are times I’ve gone home and cried or certain patients play on my mind.

I work on a children’s ward and I definitely find it harder since having my own. Especially when we get the children in who have been hurt non accidentally, you can never rationalise it and it’s very hard to not want to shout and swear at the parents.

Yes, of course they have to disconnect emotionally to a degree or they would not be able to do the job properly.

In the moment I can disconnect. I become cool, calm and very, very focussed.

After everything is calm (never say the Q word!), I'll either talk to my colleagues, cry or just push it to the very back of my mind.

I think different people cope in different ways.
some end up hardening and not giving a damn
some turn to drink/ drugs other unhealthy stuff

However I think the majority just learn to compartmentalise it. So I might shed a tear or get choked up when sad things happen but at the end of the day it isn't my mum/dad/ child. When I leave work I try to leave it behind.
A positive part of it is that you learn to count your blessings

Yes I imagine it is very hard.

I'm am very grateful to them for the job they do.

I had to see a surgeon for a consultation recently (not titzilla) I left in awe of how down to earth and lovely she was. I was scared in the way to meet this highly educated lady.

Though I really do not know how A&E staff do not use a cattle prod on difficult abusive patients, disgusting carry-on.

I think it’s partly emotional detachment and partly an understanding that someone has to do this job to help those who are grieving/dying/vulnerable and there’s some pride in being able to step up and be that ‘someone’.

There’s a research literature about it - look up the concept of ‘emotional labour’, it’s very interesting. It suggests that whilst many people detach from their own emotions to be able to do their jobs, some remain aware that that’s what they’re doing whilst others eventually lose touch with their own emotions and become more chronically detached.

My husband works in intensive care and does all that you speak of, the breaking of bad news, the tough decisions, the lot. Most of it he takes in his stride but there are times when he comes back and talks, usually if it's a young person, especially if they have young kids.

But I don't know how he does it, I feel pessimistic about his longevity with the vast amount of stress he copes with. He says that there are rewards from the job that makes the bad times worth it, times where someone walks out who was about to die. But although I can understand that I don't get how he copes still, and I'm married to him! He likes to leave work at work and not generally talk about it unless it's something really bad.

Hats off to them, I know I couldn't do it even for a day.

@LipstickHandbagCoffee

Agreed. We learn how to cope with it. The day we get used to it is the day we should change careers imo.

They have to. Yesterday my son had to deal with 3 cardiac arrests - the first one they could save and after telling family he then had to run for another who he managed to bring back and then within an hour had one more who he also brought back. All elderly, and then later had to tell two families their relatives had died. He dies get emotionally involved with his patients but then hadn’t time to take it all in as another patient needs him

I’m left leaning,have high sense social justice, so my job suits my temperament and ideology
I am emotionally switched on at work,not in a hyper way.in a connected to what going on way
Bit like being plugged into the mainframe

Yes,bratsandtwats,day it’s just another joe is day I’ll walk

It still gets to me. I think that's probably a good thing. Though one day it may finish me off. But I've always said. The day I don't cry (afterwards, when the job is done) after we've lost a baby or child. That day I will quit medicine. Whilst I have any soul left.

Wholeheartedly agree nocoolnames

Midwife here. For me, every stillbirth is horrible & hard & mortifying, and I have a little weep with my colleagues, and sometimes with the woman & her family. But if I know I’ve given good care & done my best for them, I go home, feel sad for a little while, but ultimately I can sleep at night. The worst is the idea of causing something like that to happen. I’ve had one case where I freely admit I didn’t read the CTG properly, didn’t get the Dr involved early enough, & could have caused serious harm. Thank god in that instance all was well in the end, but my mistake haunts me nonetheless and if I still dwell on it in the middle of the night. I don’t think I could have continued to practice if I had caused serious injury or worse to that baby

Only thing I’m superstitious about is I won’t say the q word at work
Had a student say,hey it’s sooo q*t...and well you can guess what happened next

Not a medical professional but don't think it would bother me too much as I'm not a people person. I do love animals though, and couldn't be a vet or RSPCA worker as it would upset me too much.

Alcohol. And fags.