Sorry, long post alert, have been lurking and hope this isn’t a derail at this stage.
I started using instagram because of an interest in photography so was following documentary and photojournalists as well as people and organisations working in my professional area.
I got sucked into following these instamum accounts; women of my age, class, etc looking lovely, with info on lovely clothes, holidays, beauty, skincare etc, all very aspirational and insecurity-inducing (even thought I never succumbed to actually being 'influenced') when the selling aspect was so sneaky and shady to begin with. It's very easy for them now post ad-disclosure/paid partnerships etc to say if these accounts make you feel insecure it's your own fault/issues.
For balance, I'm glad that the mental health aspect especially is being highlighted, and talked about, kudos to many people for sharing life's realities and hardships so openly. The amateur monetising of it, however, is gross and shameful.
Also, massive fan of Mother Pukka, I think her efforts on flex appeal are amazing, as is her response to all shades of feedback and questioning. She is witty, funny, open, genuine, thoughtful, reflective.
From early on, however, especially in regard to some of those being mentioned, the cliquey-ness, hypocrisy, cognitive dissonance and snarky responses to valid comments btl were pretty crass but then to see them being held up, calling for and presenting themselves as paragons of 'feminism' 'sisterliness' 'selflessness' 'kindness' made me feel very uncomfortable. The charity trips from last year played very badly with me. I work in international development (and am hugely critical of and questioning of many, many aspects of it - hugely aware of how rife it is with all sorts of ethical dilemmas generally). I have worked on projects with some of the NGOs involved, and just wonder how they justified this internally - the use of money (I sincerely hope influencers weren't paid a fee but thinking flights, hotels, per diems, guides, translators, staff time) and what the returns on this turned out to be, plus simplistic, naive and patronising messaging and perpetuation of white saviour stereotypes, not to mention some very uncomfortable photographs lacking context, (not to mention influencers looking very out of their depth and uncomfortable themselves) and lack of ongoing follow up/engagement longer term. NGOs have some questions to answer here. As others have said, the subsequent lux holidays, materialistic fervour in light of these 'efforts' just stinks. If that's your bag, fine (even if I personally disagree), and OWN it, but mixing it up with self-proclaimed 'selfless' acts to justify it all reeks of hypocrisy, defensiveness and vacuousness.
On this bullying/trolling/be kind issue, and to which several of them have asked 'why me?!': you are stoking this behaviour by selective responses, ignoring others, inconsistent use of 'be kind' mantras and general dissonance e.g. coming on MN and presenting a reasonable facade, then returning to IG and responding quickly, defensively and personally and still referring to 'haters', 'bullies', 'trolls' when you are in the position of power (followers, ££, influence). You are sharing intimate details of your life, asking questions of followers, proclaiming you want to engage and provoke discussion, then shutting down difficult conversations and hiding behind motherhood amongst other personal circs to avoid criticism. JFC. I saw there were calls for kindness following recent threads, but not explicitly a call for kindness on both sides, so of course followers interpret this as not directed at them.
The inability on the KK issue to see that the type of criticism they were throwing her way was exactly the thing they shut others down for doing to them. The massive irony of instamum followers now saying in recent posts 'sisterhood isn't blindly supporting women when they're blatantly wrong' in defence of their IG idols when this is precisely what the very astute and unblinkered MN commenters have been practising is just mind boggling.
The whole thing is very interesting and I'm interested in why it riles me so much. I think it's mainly because so much (feminism, charity work, 'kindness', sisterhood) is being co-opted for personal financial gain. It is neoliberalism writ large ('I'm earning money for my family, I don't care if you don't like if it might impact negatively on others or is unethical). The MLM observation is also bang on. The other initial thing that pissed me off was the promotion or endorsement of fast fashion brands and labels whilst simultaneously promoting feminism and empowering women. Grr. Inbetween squares proclaiming to be 'feminist as fuck' one actually said there was space for throw away fashion in her kid's wardrobe and made a 'joke' about clothes from Primark ‘probably being made in a dungeon held together by the tears of small orphans’, but it was ok cos the clothes were cheap and likely to be ruined quickly anyway. More neolib bullshit for cheap mama laughs. If that makes me humourless then I’m happy to be so.
I am absolutely not jealous, I don't aspire to the lifestyle, holidays or events (I travel internationally for work, I meet incredible inspiring professionals working every day in boardrooms, in parliament, in communities, who make a tangible difference to the lives of people living in difficult circumstances in the UK and beyond, as it seems do many of the people on this thread, yet I am still massively critical and questioning about the way my own line of work operates and want to explore the critiques and look for ways to improve practices/attitudes/approaches). Yes, I can unfollow, ignore, block, whatever (and mostly have) but I really dislike the implications for people and communities working professionally and passionately every day on these issues and where it leads discourse and discussion and where money gets directed, and that ultimately all this influencing perpetuates and supports inequalities globally (fast fashion, social, environmental, economic and not to mention emotional and wellbeing impacts of over-consumption, individualism, apolitical ‘be kind’ stances, shutting down critique and debate).