To think that someone involved in alternative sexual practices won’t be able to be happy without it.

[Namechangestress]

So, this is the situation. I’m in love with the most wonderful man. We’ve known each other for 18 months and I’ve spent most of that time falling in love with him and just assumed it would fizzle out. It hasn’t, he says he feels the same, I want him.

It should be that simple, but he’s heavily involved in alternative sexual practices, think bdsm. I’m fine with that part, in fact, I think I’d probably follow him to the ends of the earth, but.. he’s also into group sex, the BDSM club scene etc. He has been clear that he wouldn’t look for sex elsewhere without me knowing, but would want to consider that at some point in the future. It’s a nonnegotiable for me, it isn’t who I am.

So, if I have a relationship with him - will he be happy with just me? AIBU to think that I could never make him happy and that despite the strength of my feelings for him, this relationship is doomed.

Am I reading a crappier version of 50 shades here?

People into the scene do not fare well without it. They also don't generally fare well with partners who are not in the scene.

I would recommend walking away OP if it is not for you.

He WILL seek out fun elsewhere in time, or he will resent you eventually for forcing a vanilla lifestyle on to his.

I work with the BDSM scene, swingers and clubs. I'm not just saying this because he's a bloke by the way. I say the same about women too.

He has expressly said he doesn't want vanilla in the future. He wants to enjoy what he enjoys. Trust what he says.

The only time I've ever seen anyone go totally vanilla was when they were in their 60s and jaded with everything. He is not that person I imagine.

Can those who think he's grooming her/using salami tactics please paste in a comment what OP has said to lead you to that conclusion? It seems totally baseless to me unless I'm missing posts by the OP.

“People into the scene do not fare well without it. They also don't generally fare well with partners who are not in the scene. “

I used to be very focussed in that direction: haven’t felt bothered with it for years, neither has DH. Fetiish seems to lose its focus once you concentrate on the person rather than the activity. Iyswim. Takes a while for the habit and conditioning to wear off though. One of my friends was very heavily into Kink, kept a v popular blog and everything. Actual love and domestic companionship over a year or so and it all faded.