Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

What assumptions would you make about me if I told you-

98 replies

Janediamond · 14/05/2018 22:50

that I am 35.
that I had never been in a relationship.

-that I had only had sex once, to see what it was like (not that great).

(No physical/aesthetic/personality reasons, I just don’t want to. Am curious to know what thoughts would occurr to people who learn this about me).

Thanks

?
Asking because I wonder what goes through p

OP posts:

slowlywiltingpetal · 16/05/2018 04:38

I'd make no assumptions.

It's your life to live as you please, to be honest even if you were a friend, I wouldn't think twice if you had slept with 1 guy or 101. It's who you are as a person that counts.

If you think between 18 & 35, that's a long time for you to have done a lot of stuff. You could have been married but never had sex, maybe it's impossible or unlikely you'll have sex due to problems in that area.

I would like to think that people don't judge a book without really knowing what's inside. I know realistically it's a fallacy and many will regardless.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 16/05/2018 04:39

When I was younger, I would have thought it was weird.

Now I couldn’t care less. We’re all on different paths and as long as you don’t harm me or my family, what you do is up to you.

If you’re a straight woman, I’d also think ‘good for you’ because 99% of men are lazy, entitled twats.

slowlywiltingpetal · 16/05/2018 04:42

I think having read a few comments, I might be envious, I would wonder how you define a relationship, as you could have dated many men, for many months, but not go to the next level.

My memory is rubbish, I think you said you've never had sex, maybe you're the oral sex queen of where ever you're from. Maybe you've had a trauma which means the thought of intimacy terrifies you.

People are like onions with many layers, in a lifetime there are few who get to see the inner core.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/05/2018 04:56

I’d:
a) wonder if you may perhaps be limiting yourself after one unsuccessful attempt at sex
b) wonder if you enjoyed pleasuring yourself and if not, perhaps you were asexual
c) hope you got fulfilment in life and didn’t limit yourself in other ways.
d) ask you to ask yourself if your life decisions weren’t as a result of childhood trauma. And if so, to get therapy.

MoodyTwo · 16/05/2018 05:31

I would just hope you were happy

boatass · 16/05/2018 08:55

I wouldn’t think too much. Maybe that you’re just happier on your own.

TheFatkinsDiet · 16/05/2018 09:01

I also would assume asexual.

Or maybe unsure of your sexuality as, a few women I know (only women for some reason) have been very lukewarm about sex and relationships all their lives and then finally realise they are gay and do a total u-turn. Very romantic, proposing to their partners etc.

I think anything goes now thankfully. Asexuality included.

museumum · 16/05/2018 09:06

I wouldn’t make any assumptions but I’d wonder if you’re really happy or have some kind of past trauma you’re protecting yourself from.

Mumto2two · 16/05/2018 09:14

Sounds like one of my SILs, never had a relationship until she was 40. And that’s been a bit bizarre too..I don’t think they are ‘romantically’ together. He’s quite socially awkward, and within two months of getting together, they were trawling the internet looking for egg donors so they could hatch a couple of kids
Definitely not long enough to know they hadn’t actually ‘tried’!
You can tell she is asexual though, there is something completely ‘flat’ about her. I think regardless of our sexuality, we all generally exude a certain aspect of that. In terms of how we look, how we dress, how we behave. But with Sil, there is nothing. She has no dress sense or style whatsoever, takes no pride in her appearance, and generally just lacks any shred of ‘sexuality’.
I’m not sure if she’s happy either, she just seems rather robotic at times...hopefully you are happy OP!

tappitytaptap · 16/05/2018 09:15

I have a friend who is 34 and never had sex, she's not odd at all and a very sociable person, so I wouldn't think you were odd 😁. I guess I'd wonder if there was a reason you hadn't had a relationship (my friend had a lot of confidence issues) but wouldn't judge.

FluffyWhiteTowels · 16/05/2018 09:25

It's more about a friend's character and personality for me. Their relationship status or sexual experiences wouldn't concern me.

You don't say that you've decided you never want a close romantic relationship and so have a closed mind to any form of potential dating or whether you've just not met anyone who you've felt you want to spend time just with them. But again that's your own choice and nothing to do with anyone but you.

You also don't mention if you are happy with your life and see the future positively as it is.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 16/05/2018 09:28

I would be surprised.

What does asexual mean? That you don’t have any sexual urges at all? No masturbation? Or that you do but you’re not arsed about finding another person?

RealSLOAH · 16/05/2018 09:53

OP, I would assume you're ace. Nothing wrong with being asexual. x

BroomstickOfLove · 16/05/2018 10:06

I would think that you might be asexual, but wouldn't want to assume anything. And I might ask if you found it boring or annoying when other people talk about sex and relationship stuff so that I could avoid being a crap conversationalist.

KellyanneConway · 16/05/2018 14:04

This sounds like it might be my Aunt's back story. Other people are curious rather than judgemental, including my siblings and cousins but I think she's so wonderful and has helped me so much in my life that I have always focused on those things and her personal life has no interest for me. Plus ever since I was a child she has always seemed so much happier and more interesting than my other relatives so I never worried about whether she was lonely or missing something.

unyummy4amummy · 16/05/2018 18:08

I would think that you were just being you and that is always the best way to be (smile)

SluttyButty · 16/05/2018 18:10

I'd think you were perfectly normal. Asexual is a normal thing to be, we are just more open about it now I think.

MrsBobDylan · 16/05/2018 18:32

I would only want to know you were happy - having sex is a choice as much as choosing not having sex so I don't see anything weird or odd in the way you live your life.

MissWilmottsGhost · 16/05/2018 18:49

I would hope that it was your choice and you were happy with it, rather than you thinking you weren't attractive or capable of a relationship or something, I would think that was pretty sad and probably not true.

My little brother is asexual, AFAIK he has never had full sex (not that I ask for details). He seems happy enough and doesn't want a girlfriend or a boyfriend. He is very likely autistic and struggles with relationships generally, so I think it is just too hard for him to cope with and he would rather not bother.

Relationships often bring heart ache, and occasionally abuse, I can quite understand why someone wouldn't want to. Unfortunately I am too much a slave to my own, ahem, urges and thus have spent very little of my life single. I imagine its quite peaceful

CherryBlossom100 · 16/05/2018 19:01

This is similar to me. I’m not asexual though. Never been in a relationship longer than three months. 32 years old. I have slept with three men though but not overly fussed to be honest. I realised that I wanted a family but not a partner a few years ago and now have a beautiful 6 month old baby girl conceived through donor sperm. It took me a long time to not be bothered by what other people thought. So just own yourself and care less about what other people are thinking.

TolpuddleFarterOATB · 16/05/2018 19:04

I'd assume something happened in your childhood which has made you close off from intimacy and sex.

loopylass13 · 16/05/2018 19:18

- that I am 35.
- that I had never been in a relationship.
-that I had only had sex once, to see what it was like (not that great).

The being 35 and never had a relationship, it happens - whether unlucky in love or through choice. Wouldn't jump to conclusions about that at all.

Only having sex once, especially for a woman - would make me think "I wonder if she knows that first time is always the worst and that 2nd/3rd/4th time sex can be quite enjoyable, maybe she should try it a couple of times". But then I'd think "I hate blowjobs, I didn't have to try that twice to know for sure!!". At that point I'd move on and not give it another thought.

Ethylred · 16/05/2018 19:20

The truth is, OP, that nobody else cares.
Sorry.

Flip

1 2 3 4