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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What assumptions would you make about me if I told you-

98 replies

Janediamond · 14/05/2018 22:50

that I am 35.
that I had never been in a relationship.

-that I had only had sex once, to see what it was like (not that great).

(No physical/aesthetic/personality reasons, I just don’t want to. Am curious to know what thoughts would occurr to people who learn this about me).

Thanks

?
Asking because I wonder what goes through p

OP posts:

Bloodybridget · 14/05/2018 23:40

I would be surprised, I guess, as I assume it's fairly unusual. But who knows, perhaps there are loads of adults who have rarely or never had sex.

abbey44 · 14/05/2018 23:43

I would think it's none of my business, to be honest.

BonnieF · 14/05/2018 23:45

I would think you had missed out on a lot of bloody good fun, but if you’re happy about that, good luck to you.

Realistica · 14/05/2018 23:50

I wouldn't think much at all, tbh. If anything.

I mean, obviously if I met you and those were the first three things you told me, I'd think you were a complete weirdo. But if I learned them over time, then whatever I already thought of you would not be strongly swayed in any direction over such mundane details about your life.

ohtheholidays · 14/05/2018 23:51

I would worry that maybe something bad might have happened to you when you were younger,but I'd never let you know in RL that that was what I was thinking.

BlondeB83 · 14/05/2018 23:52

Asexual, but I wouldn’t think any less of you.

TragicallyUnbeyachted · 14/05/2018 23:52

I'd assume you were asexual.

I might wonder whether you were also aromantic (without knowing a huge amount about it I guess that life is easier for aromantic asexuals than for asexuals on the romantic spectrum) but I wouldn't ask unless we got to be much better friends.

BlondeB83 · 14/05/2018 23:53

Bloody hell that came across condescending and I didn’t mean it to! I just meant that would be all that went through my head.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 14/05/2018 23:53

I'd think you were asexual too and would be rather envious of the fact that you are free from all the bullshit and heartbreak that invariably comes with relationships.

TatianaLarina · 14/05/2018 23:54

I’d wonder why not liking sex had put you off finding a relationship with someone who didn’t like sex either.

AliasGrape · 15/05/2018 00:01

I’d think it was none of my business but I’d probably assume you were asexual. I’ve a (male) friend who is gorgeous and lovely and has zero interest in sex or relationships but is generally very happy with his life, and a (female) friend who is romantic and very much wants a relationship but has zero interest in sex, she’s less happy on account of struggling to find a relationship but - having had sex in the past for the sake of the other person - has decided that she’d rather stay single than be in a sexual relationship. So I’d think life is a rich tapestry and as long as you were happy and comfortable in your choices then more power to you.

FrogFairy · 15/05/2018 00:02

It wouldn’t faze me, your sex life is just a small part of who you are. I would be more interested in getting to know the rest of you. Are you kind, funny, do we have anything in common. Just all the usual bits of getting to know a new person.

I have been single and celibate for many years so not shocked by your situation.

springsummer12 · 15/05/2018 00:03

I’d be surprised but impressed that you were happy to be yourself and be proud of it. Unless you told me you wanted a relationship and then I would feel sorry you hadn’t achieved that and I would want to offer advice that might help if I could think of any

anotherchangeychanger · 15/05/2018 00:03

God. I wouldn’t assume you were anything other than satisfied with your own life and choices.

I was 26 losing my virginity.

I and 48 now and haven’t had sex for a year or more and I don’t care.

Onehellofaride · 15/05/2018 00:22

I would ask if you wanted a drink and how your day was

sleepymouse · 15/05/2018 00:30

I'd think you are asexual and as that has no effect on me I probably wouldn't give it any other thought

TuTru · 15/05/2018 00:31

Same as sleepymouse here xx

SubtitlesOn · 15/05/2018 00:33

Just hope you are happy with your choices whatever they may be

INeedNewShoes · 15/05/2018 00:45

I'd think you and I have a lot in common.

I might want to ask you whether you're on the pill though... I was on the pill until I was 31 and up until that point I had no physical urge to have sex (and assumed I was asexual). I came off the pill and BAM! It honestly was like an on/off switch had been flicked. It was that simple and that powerful...

GreenProvence · 15/05/2018 00:46

Online forum:
That you just haven’t met the right person yet who will give you the gallops.
Or that you’re too busy.

In real life:
It wouldn’t cause me to wonder about you any differently.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 15/05/2018 00:51

I wouldn't think anything
. It's your body your choice.

Not everyone rates sex.

I hate the use of the word odd.
How are we defining odd and normal.
Everyone's normal is normal to them.

AntipodeanOpalEye · 16/05/2018 02:50

I'd say that if you were 49, and had a few more sexual experiences but with the same emotional outcome that you were asexual like me. I've never been interested in a relationship that wasn't familial or strictly platonic. Never wanted children and have always been happy and accepted that's what I want. I also freely admit that coming from a family that doesn't try to make you feel less than for choosing a less trod path, living in this era, in a relaxed western culture and having a healthy dose of self awareness and confidence helps too.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 16/05/2018 03:28

I would think that you are unusual and want to ask you questions about what motivated your choices and whether you are happy. But I wouldn't because I'd know that it's really none of my business!

Saracen · 16/05/2018 04:16

I would assume you are

A fairly normal person
Thoroughly fed up with people asking nosy questions and trying to change you
Female - and if you aren't, that you are REALLY fed up with people implying there's something wrong with you due to your lack of interest in sex, because all men "should" love sex
Someone who knows their own mind and probably isn't going to change at this age, so I shouldn't bother trying to fix you up with my friends or encouraging you to give relationships a go
A person of principles. I imagine that many people who feel as you do will have dabbled in a few relationships anyway, just because they feel it is expected of them. You haven't bowed to pressure from society to try to be something you aren't.

TomPinch · 16/05/2018 04:29

Unless I knew you well I'd think it odd that you told me.

If I did know you well, it probably wouldn't change my opinion of you.

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