To be sick of Facebook pages/threads moaning about being a mum?

[Hugsythespacecowboy]

Like yeah, it's hard, it's tiring, it is shit at times, but there are so many pages and articles and mushy poems being circulated at the moment and I'm absolutely sick of seeing them.

Parenthood is hard. We get it. The childless must be absolutely rolling their eyes.

I just don't air my dirty laundry on Facebook. I have found parenting extremely hard, not helped by pnd, and until recently hated every second of it. But I have never put that on Facebook.

I also hate those twee poems and memes, whether about parenting, best aunty, whatever.

But me women on a group I'm on described her 4yo as a psycho bitch. I was 😮

That blog is AWFUL. Just took a look and it made me hate her, instantly. All the ‘gin and prosecco’ shit and calling herself ‘mama’ - urgh!! OP YANBU.

Good points @sprinkles. I don't think the person who posted that was aiming at adoptive parents though - more those who don't have children of their own. I'm sure that the love a mother feels for an adopted child is as strong and special as a birth mother... But I'm also guessing that there will be differences that neither will understand unless experiencing it. I imagine that finally getting the child you've waited for, been through so much for, have taken from what could have been an awful life and given a loving home, feels incredible. I can imagine the feeling but to actually feel it, I would have to experience it. I will probably never know that feeling.

I see what you mean about enjoyable intelligence. But for me, knowing diverging and feeling something are entirely different. I knew I would love my DD and I knew in my head out would be an overwhelming love, but then actually experiencing it blew me away.

Emotional intelligence not enjoyable

If like me you are a SN mum to two boys with ASD. One of the boys are HF and the other severly disabled with CP and Epilepsy too.
Neither boy sleeps ....eldest is better but might not go off before 12am. Youngest sleeps with drugs but wakes usually about 1am. That's our morning and sleeps next when we drug him!!!
Then add in therapies, meeting, paediatrician appointments, my son is fed through gastrostomy as required medicines daily, he still in nappies, can't communicate...u basically have an 18 month old in an 8 year olds body.
Oldest has anxiety and requires therapies and physio daily too....
Youngest ...she nerotypical BUT female and loves arts and crafts and wants mummy to help ...
So I get on average 3-4 hours per night for past 10 years...I then have to run the diaries of two special kids and cook clean and all the basics....

When I see these posts I think .....one day your kids will fucking grow up and I'll still be there changing the hairy arse of my grown adult son who is still trapped within the mindset of a toddler!!!

Get s fucking grip!!!!!

It's one extreme to another it's either gushing inspirational quotes 'share if your daughter is your whole world' or slummy mummies
I've left Facebook recently but have to say the gushing mum posts were more irritating to me

Facebook is the biggest pain in the ass yet I can't seem to get rid of it. What I do instead is instantly unfollow any person or page that posts annoying shit.
It feels good and I don't have to see any crap.

I just think that there are people out there who are absolutely desperate to have children, but for whatever reason can't, and it must be painful to be told they'll "never understand what it's like".

And the poster who inspired my post, described her "defective reproductive system". Have a heart.

Is there any smug childfree, "look at how fabulous my life is cos I don't have children" blogs as an antidote to these? Someone should start one if not!

Crowd - I have two friends who often post stuff like this! One is single and a lesbian and is very vocal about children being too much like hard work (though who's to know she's not yearning for a child, too?) and the other is a career minded and very sensible/head screwed on married woman who has made the decision not to have any children. There are often pics of them sitting in a peaceful sunny garden with a drink, as an antidote to all the crazy/chaotic kid-inspired posts I see.

Comprehension is important, you might want to try some OP. It's not your friends, its just because of your friends?

Learn how to use social media and stop whining about not liking things that you have chosen to read.

I don't have children but trust me, I know what it's like because you lot go on about it all the time . I am amazed people have kids and are then surprised when it's relentless and hard work - it's not exactly a secret.

Although not a parent yet I am hoping to be in the not too distant future.

I just read that link someone posted above. Is it that these days parenting is genuinely more difficult than it was say 30-40 years ago? Is it just that we talk about it more now and in the 80's / 90's you may have only mentioned any difficulties with close friends or your partner?

I'm curious to see why so many people seem to be having a very very hard time when it 'appeared' a little easier years ago.

I only have my own experience to draw from. I've spoken to my own mum about it, she had three children approx 2 years apart for each and she said although some days were hard, she enjoyed motherhood more than anything. She did work PT from each of us being about 6 months old so maybe not being with us all the time helped with a bit of balance, i don't know.

I love a good moan (DH says its my special skill) and did used to use facebook as a way to vent my feelings if it had been a particularly difficult day with my DS. I soon stopped when I got countless comments from school friends who did a child care course in uni of ways to change his behaviour/get a routine/discipline him blah blah blah. I didn't want advice on how to parent my child, the fact he's still alive is enough to tell me I'm doing alright! And definitely don't want advice from girls who have never even looked after a baby never mind had their own, just because they did a course they are now suddenly expects on my child?! One 'friend' actually had the cheek to private message message me saying "call me whenever you need any advice, I'll know exactly what you should do." Swiftly shot that down if her wall was anything to go by she was always getting drunk and therefor I assume would not be full of helpful tips!
Now when I see other friends moaning and just think 'yeah been there' and scroll on. The posts themselves don't bother me, its the people who comment stupid things like 'sleep when they do' that annoy me so I just don't read them.

People didn't have social media so they couldn't post every single thought that popped into their heads. I think it was just as hard, maybe even harder, there was just no outlet for people to complain about it like there is now.
I think women had more support networks as well so they could talk and complain about to other parents.
I find being a mother these days quite isolating even though I don't complain about on fb it's sometimes nice to have a moaning session, it makes you feel like you're not alone!

NOTHING prepared me for the storm of motherhood. It really is something you can only understand by experiencing it.

Alexkate my post was in response to a PP who said that before having DC she had an idealised idea of what it would be like, therefore child-free people have no idea what it's like. I didn't say I knew exactly what it's like, my point is that it's very patronising to assume that all of us are like her and think it'll be all lovely and easy.

In fact, if anything, most of us will be pleasantly surprised because all people bang on about is how awful it is! That's what's put me off having them!

Also, the only thing worse than constantly posting about what a nightmare it is, are the smug #blessed posts followed by "how did I get this lucky?". I love my friends and want them to be happy but smug is smug and it hits hard when you're having a shit time. I rarely go on SM these days because of that. It's not just about DC, I hate all smug posts: "#blessed to have best husband in the world". We don't care, tell him, not us!

Those saying just don't read those posts, it's not as easy as that. We love our mum friends and want to see what they're up to so don't want to hide all their posts. It can just be a bit relentless with the "hardest job in the world / #blessed" posts!

Oh, and to the PP who said earlier about how we're all able to cope with different levels of "hardness" and stress and we're not all the same - spot on. If you threw 20 people into a new job, untrained, they'd all cope completely differently, some thriving and others wanting to give up!

@SayCoolNowSayWhip Some who are childless happen to have gone through the experience of 'growing something inside of them', except they never get to take their baby home. Some have taken their babies home but never got to raise them. Some have raised their kids and lost them too soon. Don't dare tell people what they do not know when it's clear that you're pretty ignorant yourself.

Rita. Why is people being happy and appreciating their lives smug?
There's a difference between genuine happiness and rubbing someone's face in it. I'm genuinely happy after having a really shit few years and I appreciate every little thing I have in my life and I want to share it with those who care about me. I'm also very aware that these times don't last forever and one day soon I could be going through hell again. I'm grabbing the good times whine they're here.I know what its like to be at the bottom of a pit and can honestly say I was never bothered by happy posts from my friends. I don't expect people to hide their happiness in case I'm sad. There are people who are on my FB who have even better lives than I do. I don't hide their posts or have any bad feelings towards them for having it easier than I do.

I think people use social media to unhealthily compare their lives to others and I don't think it's helpful to anyone.

Alexkate we'll just have to agree or disagree. For me there's a huge difference between:

-Photo of baby, captioned: "I love this gorgeous little thing!" (nice post) and:
-Photo of baby, captioned: "How did I get so lucky? Gorgeous baby, best husband in the world who I love so much. I really am the luckiest person in the world! #blessed" (smug post).

Call me old-fashioned but I don't see the need to tell everyone on SM how lucky I am and how amazing my DH is, just as it's crass to boast about how amazing your house is or what a fabulous job you have.

Think the message from this thread can be summed up as: some people are knobs. Some of these knobs reproduce. They are still knobs.

Rita I think a lot of people who post the smug #blessed captions are trying to compensate for their shit lives a lot of the time tbh. Genuinely happy people usually don't feel the need to tell everyone and their mum about how amazing their DH/DC/dog/cat/goldfish is. Insecure people do. Just my observation!

@MonicaGellerHyphenBing agreed!