To accept this money?

[LastGoodbye]

My cars been playing up and I could really do with something newer. Me and Dd have just moved house, so don't have loads in savings at the moment but can afford to be putting some away each month.
I get on ok with Dd’s dad and I’d asked him about my car, he knows cars and said he thinks I’m best trading in now.
I don’t have enough to buy out right so was considering finance but he’s said he’ll lend me the money and just give me a bit less in maintenance while I pay it back. He pays more than he should anyway and said if I’m struggling I can always say and he won’t reduce that month.

It will save me money as no interest and I’m not sure I’d even get finance as I only work part time. But he is my ex and when I mentioned it to a friend who said “no way, should I borrow from him and that he will in effect own my car”. But he’s also Dd’s Dad and me having a reliable car effects her.

But now I’m not sure if I’m unreasonable to say yes and if he only offered because he’s DD’s Dad and feels he should.

And what cars would I be best looking at?

Must be 5 seats not 4, we go away quite often for weekends so reasonable boot space and reliable. I have a corsa so no smaller than that ideally but not another corsa!!
Don’t want diesel either and cheap insurance and tax if possible.

Ive always seen decent cars on autotrader from around 2k upwards OP, personally I’d go for a used VW Polo - that’s what I have and they’re fab, v reliable. But anything about that size you should be able to find for a decent price.

I think you've been unlucky with this car. It sounds like a dud. They do happen occasionally. I am slightly biased, the only two really awful cars I have ever owned were both Vauxhalls. I'm currently using a Renault that's 16 years old (but only done 80000 miles) and which has just sailed straight through MOT without even an advisory. I also own a second Renault which is the dirty smelly dog car and again that's running beautifully at age of 15.

Meanwhile I see no reason why you shouldn't allow him to help get a reliable car to drive his daughter around safely.

There is a Mumsnet Cars section btw. It's rather odd, if you go there you can't get back to Active without jumping through hoops.

I don’t think you can go past a Ford Focus for what you need.

In your situation I would borrow the money off of him. He sounds like he feels bad about the car you bought when you were together and he wants you both to be safe. Also that it’s better to get rid of your car now before it gets worse.

His DD doesn’t stop being his responsibility or priority because you no longer live together. Let the man help. Plus if he was happy to give you some money towards it instead of it being a loan I don’t see the issue there either, you have to have certain things because you have the responsibility for housing, schooling, ferrying around your joint DD there is no reason the other parent shouldn’t contribute to that if they are willing and able. He pays more than the standard CSA, but we all know it still doesn’t actually cover even half of proving housing, schooling, etc etc for a child. The ‘hidden’ expenses.

I think it seems like a waste of money really, but I’m not ‘into’ cars at all, just want something reliable

It won’t be a waste of money if you get the reliability and are free from worry about it.

Logically, you have £200pcm to spend on a car over the next 2 years (£5K) then you have £3K saved. So you’ll still need to save up that amount again for another car in X years time. So once youve paid off your £5K loan @ £200pcm you’ll want to start saving that again so you have the money when you need to replace the car.

So either way you are ‘wasting’ money on cars because you can never actually trade them in and get back what you’ve spent - they’re effectively consumable, they depreciate, and you always need another one!

So just reframe it as “paying for reliability and lack of stress”.

Btw, I say this as someone who has always bought secondhand cars outright with savings or savings + loan. But in your situation I would absolutely not bother and go PCP or whatever, and just accept that I’d never own the car.

Ex is going to come look at cars with me today, well I’m going to pick him up seen as I’ve got his car!

He thinks I’ll get a ok amount for mine as it’s only when you get up to 3rd/4th gear there’s problems and he said they’ll only drive it round the forecourt. He’ll do that negotiating though, because I’m crap and I’ll just tell them all it’s problems, otherwise I’d feel guilty.
If I get what he thinks for my old one, I won’t need to borrow as much from him or I could keep my few thousand and continue to add to it in the hope I could just pay him the remainder in a lump sum, hopefully after not too long.

He is very good though in regards to dd and money, pays half her nursery fees and gives more than csa. Guilt over us separating or just a good dad, I’m not sure maybe both.

I don’t think I’d get PCP or finance though NoSquirrels so think ex would have to take it for me and that seems silly when he’s got the money in the bank. Plus if things turned sour I think that would leave me in a worse position, wouldn’t it?

I’ve only got two years where I’m worrying and I don’t really struggle, house is owned outright with savings and my share from sake of a property. So once I’m working full time, it will be fine. But for now I have a 40 min drive each way to get to uni/nursery, it would be about at least a hour and half on public transport. I just need something that doesn’t cause me any more stress.

He thinks I’ll get a ok amount for mine as it’s only when you get up to 3rd/4th gear there’s problems and he said they’ll only drive it round the forecourt.

It's unlikely they will drive it at all. However it would be extremely dishonest of you not to tell them what is wrong with it.

He’ll do that negotiating though, because I’m crap and I’ll just tell them all it’s problems, otherwise I’d feel guilty

And quite rightly so.

I had an ex demo Dacia Sandero it fits the bill nicely and less than £6k despite bring the most expensive model!

No matter how much money you owed him he cant pay less than the minimum maintenance. He has a good track record. So although I think your friend is thinking of your safety, in your specific situation its better to have an interest free loan than an interest bearing loan.
Plus the car will benefit his children.

He sounds like a reasonably good guy. If you have a good relationship and think that c be is trustworthy then take him up on it. Just write up an agreement so that you both know where you stand.

Well officially no one can find what’s wrong with it higgy and there’s a high chance it’s going back to the same dealer who sold us it. I think my ex is right, in that if they don’t thoroughly check it over before giving a price, that it’s on them.

It had two owners before we got it, but not many miles. And it wasn't quite 4 years old then so in hindsight I’m wondering if it’s had these problems all along! And that’s why the others didn’t keep it.

It's an awful thing to do no matter how you try and justify it. You know it yourself as you already said he is doing the talking because you will tell them.

I don't think it's that bad higgyyellow but maybe I have no moral compass. Garage sold car to OP in the first place and a 4 year old car with 2 owners does suggest there were always problems with it. Maybe if she was selling privately that would be different, but in this case caveat emperor.

Like I said, it doesn't matter how you try and justify it. The car is being replaced because it has something wrong with it. It would be downright wrong not to disclose that major fact when doing a trade in deal. Things like it may need brake pads soon are fair game, you know, wear and tear but something such as the OP describes, which is so bad it's actually the reason for her replacing the car, of course she has to tell them!

I would put everything about money in writing even if it's my own parents, just in case.
I wouldn't take money from him if money were the issue in your marriage.
Also I think it's ok for him to advise you about cars and help to choose. In my experience some people who are very knowledgeable about cars love helping others with advice

Hi,

I think if you should take the money after all if it helps you it helps his child and he is the father. End off. As for the £50.00 you would lose wouldn't you lose that anyway and more if you bought private. As for being tied to him for 8 years for fifty quid- your tied to him for 18 for a beautiful child.My ex gave me nothing -no maintaince for 18 year and that makes me a strong women today able to stand on my own two fee but there were occasions I said our child needs x and he made one off purchase. His the father let him pay with the maintaince and pretty decent rare breed if his paying 50 quid over- I'd marry him lol-if I were you of course.

Why on earth would you go back to the same garage that sold you a dud car? One which your ex doesn't think checks the cars over properly.

I think it's really decent of your ex to help you out and would have no problem accepting his offer from what you've said. Would choose a more reputable dealer though!

I’ve put a deposit down on a 2017 seat Ibiza, not many miles at all and it drives really nice. They offered a decent amount for mine, even though they haven’t seen it and only asked when it was due it’s mot, mileage and did it have any major dents or scratches. So haven’t lied as he never asked what it run like and ex said we were looking for something new as it was basically a crap car.

So now I just need to decide if I borrow less from ex or keep some in savings which I like to have just incase and if we need anything in writing.
Ex said he’ll transfer me the money and just put a note saying maintenance back dated. So if he stops paying me extra and try’s to say I owe him, it will look like he gave me the money. Does that make sense? He’s not bothered as he’s not actually bothered to get the money back.

He usually gives between 50/100 extra so he said he’ll just give me 50 extra and the other 50 pays off the money, but I don’t always get that so said I’d rather he just gives me what he has to. And any extra he would goes to paying him back or he can put it in dd’s account if he’d rather.

It’s a main dealer Xici

And ex’s cars have been from them with no problem.

I have my car through Bristol street motors which offered me 0% over 5 years, they do this quite often I only had to pay one month payment as a deposit.