Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To be annoyed with DH about my lie in?

56 replies

HopefullyAnonymous · 12/05/2018 11:29

I work shifts, including some very late (or rather early am!) finishes. Within reason if these shifts fall on a weekday I still do the morning school run to save on childcare. If they fall on a weekend I appreciate a lie in until say 11, particularly if I’m on the same shift that day.

Last night I was held on 3 hours after I should have finished, meaning it was after 4.30am when I got to bed. DH knows this’ll I always text to let him know when I’m leaving work (phone on silent so this doesn’t actually wake him). This morning he brought me a coffee at 7.15 when the kids woke. I sent him away. He popped in at 8 to check on me. I sent him away. At half 9 he came in to tell me some pointless info that really could have waited and at 10 he decided to have a shower in the en suite when he could have used the bathroom. He now can’t understand why I’m grumpy. He does this on a semi regular basis because apparently he gets bored sometimes and he won’t see much of me before I have to go back to work. The second part is true, but I do try to make up for this on my days off. AIBU to expect the occasional weekend lie in?!

OP posts:

0hCrepe · 12/05/2018 11:32

No. That’s really annoying. I assume you’ve spelled out the do not disturb rules? Maybe starting waking him up because you’re bored when you get in late.

Frosty66612 · 12/05/2018 11:32

I’d be livid! Sleep deprivation is an awful thing and the fact you had a chance for 6 hours sleep after a busy shift and he chose to wake you up multiple times is incredibly selfish behaviour. If he’s that bored then he should take up a hobby and leave you in peace!

DragonsAndCakes · 12/05/2018 11:34

Do you wake him up for a chat when you get in from work?

PositivelyPERF · 12/05/2018 11:35

Bring him a coffee, every time you get home from the late shift. He sounds incredibly selfish. Maybe a few times of being woken at stupid o’clock will let him know how it feels.

rookiemere · 12/05/2018 11:38

YANBU. He's not disturbing your "lie in", he's depriving you of the necessary amount of sleep that you need in order to keep your body functioning.

Perhaps if you are using the terminology "lie in" he doesn't appreciate this - obvs this makes him an idiot of the first order - but you need to spell it out to him that like any other human being you need sleep to function. If he does it again tell him you're going to start waking him when you get in from night shift and see how he feels.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 12/05/2018 11:43

My exh used to make a big deal he would get up on a Saturday and let me have a lie in.
Then send the dc up to play in their rooms. Either side of ours.
Twunt.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 12/05/2018 11:45

Bring him a coffee, every time you get home from the late shift.

That made me chuckle! I can just imagine his face at being presented with a cup of caffeinated beverage at 4.30am!

MuddyForestWalks · 12/05/2018 11:51

My ex used to do this. Finished a long night at 7am, got home around 8.30, asleep by 9 by the time i had wound down, and my ex would wake me at midday to see if I wanted lunch made for me. I often didn't get back to sleep, and that was when I did 3 7-7 shifts in a row (no.kids then). I can still remember how exhausted I was.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 12/05/2018 11:55

Yup, take him coffee when you get in from a late shift.

Tell him you’re bored and want to chat. See how he likes them apples.

Bratsandtwats · 12/05/2018 12:03

It's NOT a lie-in. It's part of the normal amount of sleep that the average person needs!
He's being a selfish prick, give him a taste of his own medicine if he won't listen.

Gloryificus · 12/05/2018 12:04

My Dh works shifts and I'd consider the time he gets in, heads to bed etc as his sleep not a lie in at all ever and therefore I do not disturb him til mid afternoon or if he's in work again that night I let him get up in his own time for dinner etc time with dc before shift.

You need to reframe this to your OH as your much needed sleep not a lie in!! And that you'll be up at x time so no coffee, lunch and showers need to wait until after x time

jedenfalls · 12/05/2018 12:08

Yep.
Make it clear this is not a lie in this is YOUE nights sleep (not that it should matter, i do like a lie in, but my DH is not a dick and appreciates that I am only to be woken in the event of a serious emergency that necessitates evacuation of the house)

And I’d definitely go with making him a coffee, having a noisy shower (drop the shampoo bottles a few times) and all the other unnecessary shit when YOU get in at 4 am.

jellycat1 · 12/05/2018 12:09

I'd be fucking livid OP. Bringing you a coffee after a couple of hours sleep! Grrrrr.

gamerchick · 12/05/2018 12:13

Yes you need to stop calling it a lie in.

One more chat spelling it out and then go back to bed for a couple of hours. The shower especially would have made me murderous. Selfish bastard!

ReanimatedSGB · 12/05/2018 12:16

Is he selfish in other ways? If he's generally nice eg does his share of housework/childcare, listens to you, treats you like a person he cares about, then this might be down to the misconception that your daytime sleeping is, as PP said, a lie-in rather than your actual sleep time. In which case, explaining it to him ought to work.
But if everything in the house generally involves his wishes and needs coming first, then you have a bigger problem than disturbed sleep.

BewareOfDragons · 12/05/2018 12:17

Next time you get home in the middle of the night, wake him up. TUrn on the lights and hand him a cup of tea so you can have a chat.

lborgia · 12/05/2018 12:19

He wakes you up because he’s BORED??? I’d give him reason to wish himself bored again... def wake him up every time you come home for a week.

God. Men. (I know, I know, but sometimes...)

MathsScience · 12/05/2018 12:20

Whats wrong with him that he does this?

Sit him down quietly (like a child) and Ask Him.

I would really lay it on the line OP and go ballistic if he did it again.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 12/05/2018 12:20

He’s been a selfish, inconsiderate wanker and needs this spelling out to him, in no uncertain terms. He’s acting like a child, not a partner.

Pebblespony · 12/05/2018 12:21

I do this. DH works shifts. Just realised how selfish it is.

MrsMozart · 12/05/2018 12:24

My DH would only do this once. I'm not very good at being woken after very little sleep, unless of course there's a stonkingly good reason. Maybe you need to blow a fuse.

megafatCEObaby · 12/05/2018 12:25

Tbh I'd have screamed at him at 7:15 and he wouldn't have come back lol.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 12/05/2018 12:27

You're not having a "lie in".
You're trying to get more than 3 hours sleep!

restingbemusedface · 12/05/2018 12:28

He woke you at 7.15 after you went to bed at 4.30?! What a knob!

Goldmonday · 12/05/2018 12:29

Wow I would be furious. My DH wouldn't dare disturb my sleep as the consequences are too dire for him. Just take yourself off to have a nap for a few hours and make it clear you do NOT want to be disturbed.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread