Re mil after birth

[ALY44]

So I am due to give birth imminently my MIL has announced she has taken a week off following my due date... This is my second child so I know what I am doing and don't need help etc

AIBU to be annoyed about this as my DP only has 2 weeks paternity leave so we will be spending time as a family of 4 before he goes back to work and I feel as though she is just wasting a weeks annual leave as I won't be seeing her every day for a week!!

Have already said they can visit once baby arrives but don't want her thinking she is going to be here every day, not happening!!

Get your DP to handle it. I hope she has a nice week off, visiting the new baby a reasonable amount and then entertaining herself of some relaxing days out.

Oh gosh! A week is a bit much! Is she nearby? If she kept working, would it have been feasible for her to pop in for an hour or so each day to say hi to the baby? I kinda get the excitement of wanting to see the baby lots, but if she's having to travel and stay with/nearer you and expects to see you all day every day, that's probably a bit much, and I'd like to think I'd say something (or DH would...)

If there's no way out of it, have a big long list ready of meals to cook, cleaning to be done etc so it's not extra work for you ;)

Just tell her you are planning on spending time as a new family unit, establishing sibling bonds etc. You'd love to see them after you're home from hospital but in terms of spending more time, it'd be helpful if she had a week when DP went back to work...you'd really appreciate the help yada yada.....

If you decide to go the 'we'd like some time as a new family etc', make sure your own mother is on a similar arrangement as it might cause issues.

I told DP who said they will be excited... totally understandable but no need to take a week off as I won't be accommodating guests every day for the first week I have said I want everyone to visit the first couple of days then leave us alone to bond as a family particularly my daughter with her new sibling.

For context they live about a 5 minute (at most) walk away so I can totally see her just popping round unexpectedly which I am dreading as I don't want to have to get up and ready every day just in case people arrive at my door unannounced

@Pebblespony I told my mum about it she thinks it's ridiculous and she will be visiting as and when she is invited, which I would expect from most people

"Oh why, are you going somewhere nice?"
Nah, leave dh to make sure that boundary is nice and high.

Can you ask her to take the week after your dh goes back to work? Then she can be of some use and give you a break.

@OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow hahaha I would love to have said that I just said "oh have you" as I was totally taken aback!!

@MrsPicklesonSmythe I feel really awkward about the whole thing as she never even asked just sprung it on me. I can't ask her to rearrange as I am due any day... the annual leave is for next week and she is a doctor so not easy to rearrange clinics etc at short notice

Curtains closed, phone off. Tell dh to text her you are sleeping and he will let her know when is convenient to call in.
Suggest he drops your ironing basket with her to keep her busy.

@Aprilmightbemynewname yeah I genuinely considered that just not answering the door and keeping it locked.... only thing is they have a spare key so will know that we are in as our key will be in the other side

Get your dh to tell her she will have to phone ahead because if you are busy feeding or whatever she won't be coming in.

I think you both need to be totally straight with her about this, especially as your own mother is on board with only coming at arranged times.

Just say you were all asleep and didn't hear them knocking!

I'm just worried that DP will be a pushover about it as I told him today I will be recovering from birth and don't want any visitors past day 2 as I want to relax and bond with baby etc without my house being full of people. He just said people would be excited and want to come... I don't want them to!!

Sorry to drip feed, baby will be DP and PILS first biological as my daughter is from previous relationship

Oh goodness, how high handed of her. We waited for the call asking us to visit. Had to wait four days for first grandson after a traumatic emergency c section birth. Nearly two weeks before we went to scibu with another baby. Your OH really needs to intercede for you. I had to hold my own Mother off, you really need to do things your way.

Tell him the health of you and your newborn is more important and if he isn't willing to support you in this then you'll decamp with baby to your room and they won't be seeing the baby at all.

It kinda depends on your relationship with your MIL and if she’s gonna be actually helpful or not. I get not wanting her to be there every day tho.

I live far from all of our families and my mum is due to visit for 3 weeks a week after my due date in June. I’m hoping this will allow me to spend some time with my newborn and mum can take DD1 out to park/shops etc and equally that she can keep an eye on baby while I make time for DD1. Might not all be bad and you can always blame your hormones for anything you say

@welshmist my parents are the same and have said they will wait to be invited. I've said both sets of parents can visit in hospital then they can come see us when we are home but not constantly... I just feel the first few days are so precious especially as DP is only off for 2 weeks I think he's underestimating that he will need time to bond with the baby

YANBU. It's precious family time. This sounds highly stressful.

I am hoping for you that you go a week late OP, as I did with my second baby. That might sort it for you, your MIL will be back in clinic by then

Why don’t you suggest to her that she takes the week after your DP goes back to work and explain that you’re more likely to need her help when he’s back at work

@YouTheCat this is exactly the kind of response I am looking for I'm gonna have to be really blunt here I think!!

Yep, BLUNT.

I am desperate for baby to come too now but when I said I could still go overdue she said oh you better not cause I've booked the week off... kind of hoping I do go over now!!

Thanks for the suggestions of asking her to take time off after DP, she is a doctor so needs to plan AL in advance so not possible to change it

Ask her to change her leave, you will need help more after dp goes back to work