to ask how you deal with anger and rage?

[cjt110]

Today, for whatever reason, I've been an absolute cunt.

And of late, I've been an arsehole to people. Snapping, biting back. Making shit comments to people ...Eg. Colleague tells me and another colleague he is soon be be a GF. Later on, the same conversation occurs, almost word for word. I looked up from my pc and said "Am I getting deja vu because I'm sure you told colleague earlier" Turns out it was not the same colleague he had told when telling me.

Another example, my mum tells me a classmate's son in law committed suicide recently and as such he wouldnt be attending a meal she was going to. I said "Oh well, not a lot you can do then"

I'm becoming very impatient with people. Find myself constantly saying or thinking "Fucking hurry up!"

I'm short tempered with friends and family.

And I hate it.

Can anyone tell me how they've managed to deal with similar situations?

Its like the filter between my mouth and brain is broken.

I have managed to bite my tongue a few times though but if I were to speak my mind, god, it wouldn't be pretty.

I went on an anger management course !

The main thing I learnt was that anger comes from an internal pain and feeling of inferiority , and threat

Not all anger ( ie road rage ) but real hurtful anger

The very process of spending a day helped and made me more aware and mindful

Am I calm ? NO ! Never

But great you are aware of it

I turn it inwards and, probably as a result, have had horrendous mh problems for decades. I don't suggest you do the same . Is there a particular reason you're on a short fuse atm? If not, I second pp for considering anger management of some kind.

And tbf to you, at least you recognise you've been a cunt, which puts you well above most people.

I posted recently for advice about anger management, and was encouraged to see my GP.

My GP referred me for CBT focusing on the anger and strategies to deal with it, and also for talking therapy as the anger seems to be coming from underlying sadness/distress about some things I’ve never properly dealt with.

Also she gave me sertraline to help even out my mood.

Wow, it’s not just that you’re getting angry is it? You’re being quite nasty and vicious in the way you are speaking to people. Good you’ve recognised there is a problem because it sounds dreadful. I think maybe try not saying anything at all if you can’t say anything nice. Maybe therapy as well. It’s almost like the way you are even thinking must be rather nasty and negative for you to say such cruel things, so I think you need to do some work with a therapist on your thought processes to try to be a nicer person.

Sorry posted too soon - it’s early days but I can feel that the CBT in particular is helping me work out my triggers, when I’m likely to be angry/rude and how to interrupt those cycles.

I hear you OP. Have a massive hug. Your story about the colleague saying he was going to be a grandfather made me smile, because it's the sort of thing that would give me the rage too if I'm having a bad day. That may sound deranged to some people but I get it completely

These little everyday rates are a sign for me that all is not well emotionally, and that I'm actually feeling very sad and angry about much bigger stuff. I have a traumatic past and held on to my rage for years without being able to process it properly. I was in therapy for years and I have become much better at recognising my feeling and allowing them out in safe ways (usually lots of crying for me)

Do you think there might be something more deep seated that is causing your anger? Anger is not anything to be ashamed of by the way, it's a normal emotion, but there are healthier ways of expressing it

The first two examples aren't anything to do with being angry. Just plain old twatishness.

Try and think before you speak and react would br my advice.

How old are you? I got really ratty in my mid-40s, just prior to the menopause. Someone told me to sort myself out, because I wasn't my normal sunny self and I got myself to the doctor's.

I can also be vile like this - I generally keep it in but the things I think are awful! For me it's anxiety/hormone related.

If I get angry I log onto World of Warcraft and hack and slash my way through the mobs in a dungeon. By the end I feel a great deal calmer,

I'm the same, you are definitely not alone. Since my 30's the 2 weeks before my period are hell. Im not saying it's hormone related for you, but I totally understand how you feel..it's utter shit.

I run to deal with any negative feelings eg anxiety, rage at work etc.

Really works!

How old are you? And how much sleep do you get? Have you got a lot of personal stuff going on? Do you eat well?

What helped me was:
More sleep (I appreciate it's more easier said than done)
Healthier eating
Counting to ten before speaking, which I reduced to five when I was better at being calm
I read a few books about helping angry children and applied it to myself

It really was tiredness and resentment for me
For some though, peri-menopause or menopause makes them v angry- there's a really good ongoing support thread on MN, over in the meno topic (but apologies if you're 23 or something )

I'm peri-menopausal and a fucking bitch most of the time.

Can I ask a question of those of you who have been on an anger management course - what sort is stuff do you learn?

I have always assumed that these course teach you to keep your anger inside and can’t see how that is helpful?

If you have the anger, because something has annoyed you for example someone ramming a trolley into you legs at the supermarket and not apologising, then going on a course isn’t going to stop them running the trolley into your legs and not apologising, is it? An angry reaction at someone being selfish and rude like that is normal surely? Reacting angrily and telling them that they are out of line for doing it and that they need to bloody well apologise and not do it again is the right thing to do and is they only way that they are going to learn to not go around upsetting people?

I think if someone did something like that to you then you are perfectly entitled to have a go at them but I think some people would say that is an anger issue? Where is the line?

Anger can perform a very useful function - it stops us getting pushed around by people. How do you judge what is useful and reasonable anger and what is excessive?

When I feel angry at work I try to find an empty room, take some deep breaths and count to ten.
I also phone my sister or text her to rationalise things.
If possible I go on my break to chill out.
Sometimes I tell a trusted colleague that I feel upset.

I do tend to bottle things up so my clinical leader told me I should talk to her if I feel upset about something.

I only once recently lost my temper with a colleague & they were so shocked as it's out of character for me, i had to have a meeting with Matron about it! I was mortified, I had immediately apologised to the colleague (even tho it was her fault) and we are still friends luckily.

I can get out of control when I'm angry due to MH problems I have so I'm REALLY careful not to lose my temper generally at work.

Thanks for all the replies. My OP was a little hastily written.

To elaborate a little more, I just feel like a snarly, angry person.

In my head it's like:

"Look, just get to the fucking point. I don't need a whole story"

"Honestly if your husband is as bad as you say, fucking leave him or just shut up moaning about him daily."

"Stop bothering me. Honestly. Just fuck off."

And various other sentiments. Fortunately keeping them mostly inside but if I could stand on a hill and scream "shut up you stupid cunts" at the top.of my lungs I would.

I'm 31, have had CBT to some level in the past, am currently on trazadone having exhausted the other SSRIs available to me.

I've been quite poorly lately and in hospital so whether I'm just a bitter old trout because of that I don't know.

Everything just appears to give me the rage.

I'm just fed up of being a grade A arsehole. At least how I see myself anyway.

"Stop bothering me. Honestly. Just fuck off."

if I could stand on a hill and scream "shut up you stupid cunts" at the top.of my lungs I would.

How are you reading my mind????

This is how I feel sometimes. I tell myself it's "them, not me"!

I have two DC with ASD, and a DH who is becoming more and more disabled, so I do have some shit going on.
I know I could deal with the stress better though, and I can when I'm well-rested etc.

See Haba when you put it like that, I don't really have any shit going on.... It puts it in perspective but I'm still a twat.

Life on paper is good. I just can't deal with inane waffle and shit at the moment. I have no patience. I'm constantly wound up.

Hey- I didn't post that to say "put it into perspective"- you're entitled to express anger if that's what you're feeling.
You're not twatty, you're frustrated, so it's a good idea to look at why. I think there are some vitamin/mineral deficiencies that lead to irritation, etc so thats why I asked about how you're eating.

'Life on paper is good'

That doesn't matter a fig if you're depressed. You just can't keep anything in perspective. I hope your new medication is more helpful.

I relate to so much of your second post, especially the description of 'snarly'. I generally hold it all inside but I'm thinking "oh for fuck sake, shut up / piss off / leave me alone / whatever'. It's exhausting and doesn't make you feel great about yourself

Is there any chance you're a little depressed at all? Maybe your empathy is switched off at the moment?

Ah, fuck, sorry. Had missed the bit about sssris, oops.
Yes- depression can make you feel like this!