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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how you deal with anger and rage?

70 replies

cjt110 · 10/05/2018 16:55

Today, for whatever reason, I've been an absolute cunt.

And of late, I've been an arsehole to people. Snapping, biting back. Making shit comments to people ...Eg. Colleague tells me and another colleague he is soon be be a GF. Later on, the same conversation occurs, almost word for word. I looked up from my pc and said "Am I getting deja vu because I'm sure you told colleague earlier" Turns out it was not the same colleague he had told when telling me.

Another example, my mum tells me a classmate's son in law committed suicide recently and as such he wouldnt be attending a meal she was going to. I said "Oh well, not a lot you can do then"

I'm becoming very impatient with people. Find myself constantly saying or thinking "Fucking hurry up!"

I'm short tempered with friends and family.

And I hate it.

Can anyone tell me how they've managed to deal with similar situations?

OP posts:
BigSandyBalls2015 · 10/05/2018 18:43

I've been like this for a year or two, used to be the most laid back person, let everything wash over me, now I'm almost permanently ragey.

I think it's my age (49) but you're much younger so I'm not sure.

FFS you useless fucking twat is on the tip of my tongue all day at work AngryBlush

BigSandyBalls2015 · 10/05/2018 18:45

I'm on a train home now and the conductor is winding me up. I think he missed his vocation, should be on the bloody stage!

GloGirl · 10/05/2018 18:47

Following.

Original poster
cjt110 · 10/05/2018 18:54

So glad I'm not alone in how I feel and others can relate.

My mum said it comes with age - the ability to care less. Not sure I can bare to wait for too much longer lol.

I find I relax with a glass with a % in my hand. But I'm leaning too much on the booze.

I am literally like a yo-yo. One moment I'm so unbelievably low and disinterested. The next my anxiety is through the roof. The next I'm merry as a kipper. All in a day.

From hysterically low to hysterically high.

I've suffered from depression and anxiety for about 10 years.

This is the worst I've been.

OP posts:
Motoko · 10/05/2018 18:56

I think you should ask your GP to check for any physical reasons, and also having some therapy, to find out what the root cause is, because something is causing it.

You can't carry on like this indefinitely, you'll alienate yourself from everyone and make your MH even worse. You're already feeling bad about it, and all those negative thoughts aren't doing you any good either.

Original poster
cjt110 · 10/05/2018 18:58

Motoko it feels fruitless to ask the GP. I've had all the meds I can. I've had the therapies. I've had the other health issues explored and some issues discovered which are being treated.

Maybe I'm just destined to be a miserable twat for life

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 11/05/2018 07:51

I hope that things get better for you OP. It's sad and exhausting to feel so on the edge all the time x

LanguidLobster · 11/05/2018 07:56

Sorry cjt you've been in hospital. One thing gives me the absolute fucking rage but there's no way to deal with it apart from go through it legally.

Have you ever tried things like breathing exercises/going for a walk when you feel snappy?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 11/05/2018 08:22

Can I ask a question of those of you who have been on an anger management course - what sort is stuff do you learn?

You learn more about anger as itself as a concept .
What types of anger there are
What it feels like to receive it
What’s the source of it (usually a pain or a hurt)
What triggers it
How you tend to manifest it

For me it made me (a) slightly more understanding when others are angry
And it’s given me more awareness so sometimes I will literally take a few deep breaths and count to ten

I am not less angry ! But I am more understanding when others are angry and more aware of how horrible my
Anger can be for my children

Honestly the only people I want to be less angry with are my kids / fuck everyone else Grin

OP I think so many of us feel similar . Also of what you think / me too ! I have come to realise that work (my stable and well
Paid job) is actually a source of major stress and anger and it’s the next thing I need to seriously address , erggghhhhhh

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 11/05/2018 08:26

OP don’t give up . These things come in ebbs and flows I find . But it’s hard work getting to the source of things

I know it’s fucking cheesy but that AA mantra always resonates with me

The one about
Understanding and accepting what you can change
Understanding and accepting what you should change
And understanding the difference between the 2

So hard !

And I am another one who is constantly muttering ‘cunt’ under flyer breath all the fucking time Angry

Babdoc · 11/05/2018 08:31

Bit of a long shot, but have you had your thyroid function checked? Thyrotoxicosis (over active thyroid) causes terrible irritability and rage.
Perimenopause likewise can give you a short fuse - combination of poor sleep, night sweats and hormone swings.
Sometimes though, it’s just that, after a lifetime of social conditioning to smile sweetly, please people, defer to others, suck it up etc, women finally explode!

Original poster
cjt110 · 11/05/2018 08:47

Today is a new day.

I am going to be OK today and positive.

OP posts:
LanguidLobster · 11/05/2018 08:48

No you won't, you bitch Grin

(Joke!)

Original poster
cjt110 · 11/05/2018 08:49

Babdoc I have an underactive thyroid

I'm 31 so doubt perimenopause.

I'm just not a nice person I dont feel. Snappy, curt, aggressive, tired, short tempered...

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 11/05/2018 08:49

LanguidLobster Grin

OP posts:
RatRolyPoly · 11/05/2018 08:53

When I was at my most short-tempered, angry and rage-filled (and it was miles out of character) they were the symptoms of depression.

A short period of sertraline really, really helped. The rage literally just disappeared and I was myself again.

Original poster
cjt110 · 11/05/2018 08:56

RatRolyPoly I've had depression for 10 years. Have been treated with citalopram, sertaline and fluoxetine over the years. Am now on Trazadone - although this is relatively new to me (approx 4 weeks)

OP posts:
blaaake · 11/05/2018 09:02

I am like this all the time. But I'm a bitch and don't really give a shit.

Original poster
cjt110 · 11/05/2018 09:10

blaaake I used to not give a shit but now, I do. I see how I am acting affecting others and it saddens me.

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 11/05/2018 09:17

I doubt it is peri meni at a mere 31 !

Sounds like you have all of the bases covered . I think it’s worth investing some time and thought into a diary. And consider a very decent therapist possibly .

Every day write a short summary - what was good - what was less good . Costs nothing and I do think that eventually what’s ailing you will become a bit clearer

I for one am not blaming the peri meni. I think I need to make some changes in my life and face a few of my fears (change and uncertainty - 👋) .

I feel like this is life to some extend

OP I hope your new anti kick in . They do a take a while to acclimatise Flowers

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 11/05/2018 09:34

This is a great little book about keeping things in perspective. I find it helpful

swingofthings · 11/05/2018 09:50

Anger and short-temper are often the outcome of stress and pressure.

I too get angry very quickly. People wouldn't say that I am an angry person though because I've learned to keep it to myself. The problem is that by doing so, it's eating me inside and affecting my health. Letting it out is not good, keeping it in isn't either.

The only way to deal with it properly is to prevent the feeling for coming up in the first place and for that, it's about managing stress. Harder said than done though. CBT and Mindfulness definitely the way to go, but hard to apply when you can't remove the things that do stress you in the first place.

misscph1973 · 11/05/2018 09:54

cjt110, I was a lot like you in my late 30s. I think I was overwhelmed with life, DC, work etc. I was constantly not only defensive, but attacking. I read lots of self-help books and I really tried so bloody hard. I think what helped me in the end was to lower my expectations to myself and do less for everybody else.

What I do suggest you try is a good magnesium supplement. I recommend either Better You, the do a magnesium lotion, or Together magnesium tablets. It will really calm you down. It has helped me and also my 13 year old DD, she was being very teenage-angry, but she is a lot calmer now and she really likes the tablets.

Also do yoga or swimming, calm exercise types.

I'm now 45 and I seem to have made it through that patch. I do think it's hormonal, not something you should treat with medication, but a natural part of life. You get to a point where you just don't have that much sympathy for other people.

Lottapianos · 11/05/2018 10:36

'You get to a point where you just don't have that much sympathy for other people'

Nice to hear someone else say this! There's enormous pressure on women to be martyrs, nurturers, fixers. We've all been sold the lie that true happiness comes from running around after others all the time. Well I'm all for caring and supporting others, but you simply cannot do that if you are feeling resentful and overwhelmed.

I had an ex colleague message me this morning about meeting up in June. My first thought was what else I had on that weekend and whether I would be able to meet her without feeling worn out and overwhelmed. A few years ago, I wouldn't have considered my own needs at all, just would have felt obligated to say yes because she was asking something from me. That's all down to therapy and I also so very much better for it.