To be furious at my family for being so careless after such a tragedy

[blabapinksheep]

This has been brought to my attention with the hotter weather coming in. We recently lost an extended family member to cancer. She became paralysed from the chest down and died in a very uncomfortable way. My entire family saw the way this effected her immediate family, children, grandchildren etc.
I would have thought that this would have made them more aware about all forms of cancer but they all refuse to wear suncream! My Mum in particular will absolutely cook herself then act disgusted or shocked when someone tells her or suggests suncream. My brother and his partner are the same, they constantly put tanning oil on and preach that suncream causes cancer not the sun.
Aibu to think that considering recent events this level of carelessness is just ridiculous? My mum has kids and grandkids that rely on her and love her so much and she continues to take these risks.
Everyone I've brought it up with has said it's none of my business and that as long as I've mentioned it to them I should stay out so Aibu? Any tips on what I can do to change their mind?

You can't force them to do it. I'm afraid that you just have to let it go. You will only get yourself worked up about something you have no control over.

Everyone I've brought it up with has said it's none of my business and that as long as I've mentioned it to them I should stay out so Aibu?

When everyone's telling you the same thing, listen to them.

Thing is I understand why you want to change minds but the truth is you can’t. I think these days most people that don’t live under a rock know that the sun can cause cancer, so if they choose not to wear cream/stay in shade etc to help prevent getting cancer this way then that really is a choice they are free to make.

Presumably they are grown ups so nothing you can do

It's their choice, not yours

You've said it. There's really nothing else you can do. You can't prevent adults from making stupid decisions about their own health.

Has everyone stopped eating bacon? Walking in the city? Started washing fruit and eating more fibre? Avoiding air travel etc.

So sorry for your loss. They are foolish to bake themselves but it really is their choice.

You have got to let this go. How they live their lives is their business. Focus on your life and your health because that's the only thing you have even a shred of control over.

preach that suncream causes cancer not the sun.

To be fair, they're not being insensitive, they're being ignorant!

They can do what they like, but they lose the "right" to sympathy if they ever get a cancer related to their actions.

I feel the same about smokers who get lung cancer.

It really is their life and their choice, you can’t walk around telling people what to do. Where does it stop?
I think you will end up falling out with lots of people if you persist with this attitude. Yes it is sad a family memory died but it doesn’t mean it will happen to anyone else.

You also can’t be sounding so entitled that your mother has to keep herself alive purely for the benefit of her children and grandchildren. Her motto in life might be to live her life the way she wants to, even if that means a shorter life. The value of her life must surely measured by more than merely being there for you.

There are so many factors that affect cancer risk. Weight, smoking, diet, pollution...

Everyone had the right to choose how to live their own lives. It's not for you to control.

Although you have a point, labouring it is a reflection on how you are dealing with this tragedy. As Pp has said are you as concerned about other behaviour such as eating burnt food etc? are you looking for something or someone to blame for the tragedy, or are you angry with them for another reason and using this sunscreen thing as a stick to beat them with? Do you suffer from health anxiety as a result from the traumatic loss you have suffered? I did when I lost my DF. Be kind to yourself and try and get to the root of why you are so bothered by this behaviour.

Seeing someone die of cancer can trigger different reactions in different people. Some people will become hyperaware of potential risks and others will go into denial, others will have a reaction somewhere in between.

It also makes you very aware of the mortality and frailty of ourselves and our loved ones. With the best will in the world they will not be around for ever.

Everyone is trying to process an unpleasant and saddening event and you can't make people react the way they want to. Deal with your own grief and accept you can't control others or make them behave in ways that seem obvious to you.

Just leave them to it. Assuming they don’t have any learning disabilities they are fully informed adults who are making informed decisions. Do you try and influence all their decisioms that may lead to cancer? Eating bacon, oral sex, sedentary living, drinking alcohol etc? Or do you live by example and make sure you avoid all of the above?

Rise in suncream usage and incidents of skin cancer correlate fantastically by the way. Suncream usage increases skin cancer.

20 minutes direct sunlight exposure for vitamin d (if you're not extremely pale) and then cover up or stay in shadow.

My brother and his partner are the same, they constantly put tanning oil on and preach that suncream causes cancer not the sun.

There's no arguing with stupid, unfortunately.

I think your grief may be making you a bit 'officious'. You know, they know, and there's nothing more you can do. Don't let it sour your relationships, even if you are in the right!

@elder I obviously didn't mean it like that I meant that she has a lot of people who really love and value her, she's the heart of the family. I understand what everyone's saying but it's hard when you've seen someone die in such an awful way to think it could happen to the people you love most. Thanks for the replies, I will take it on board

It's the same mind set as the "I've smoked for 50years and haven't got cancer" attitude. Theres nothing you can do to change their misguided opinion.The only thing you can do is to bite back the I told you so comments if the worst happens.

The thing is, it’s not, as you suggest, carelessness, it is their considered decision.
There is little you can do about this. We all know the dangers of smoking, yet people still do it, ditto drinking.

If they are refusing to apply sunscreen to your children then that is a completely different matter.

I’m Australian. We have it drummed into us from birth to Slip, Slop, Slap. Slip on a t shirt, slop on sunscreen, and slap on a hat.

For sunscreen to be effective it needs to be in conjunction with the other two. Www.cancer.org.au. It may give some ideas for you to subtly change them.

I’m so sorry about your relative.

My aunt does stuff like this. Someone I know died last year from melanoma and dedicated his final years to raising awareness of skin cancer. It really grates on me but sadly there's nothing you can do.

I understand where you are coming from. Your family sound very evidence-resistant and very set in their ways.

All you can do, however, is to look after yourself and those for whom you are responsible. You can mention the fact that other adults could consider suncream, but if they are hellbent on ignoring all the evidence, you can't force them to do so.

I totally get your frustration! My dad has had skin cancers removed. He still moans and fusses when we tell him to put on sunscreen. And I know if we (me or my mum) weren’t there he wouldn’t bother with it. He is such an intelligent man in all other aspects of his life. It makes my head want to explode!