Re: overbearing inlaws

[saray1]

Hi there Mummies, new to this and I apologise it's long!

Me and my husband have been living with his parents for the last 4 years. What was a request of theirs to live with them (for what should have been 6-12 months) when we initially got married rather than renting, two kids later, a year and a half of searching for the right family home to buy and over a year of complete renovations, we are finally ready to move into our beautiful new home. Living with them has not been without its issues, they both work from home and I look after a 3 yr old boy and a 9 month old girl, I also take care of whatever Admin I can do from home for me and my husbands restaurant, so I never get space or privacy away from them, something I craved and was really looking forward to having finally! I have recently discovered thou that they plan to sell their home and are looking to buy the house on our new street. They haven't said anything to us, it was something I happened to see on FILs laptop, genuinely was not snooping! They've already viewed the property, had a big meeting at the bank, they've had their current property valued (they told us just because they were curious), they've talked about moving before but they have always wanted to move to one certain area, it's obvious they've changed their mind and decided to follow us to where we are going. My husband and I are not happy, especially seeing as our new house is only a 7 min drive away from them, not a massive distance at all and we were ready to finally be a proper family and raise our kids without interference on a daily basis. The thought of nothing changing really upsets me, to state the issues with my FIL I'd be here all day! Also they plan to retire, which means free time, which means they most definitely will always be at ours or expecting us to go to theirs! How do we kindly let them know we know what they're up to without them accusing me of snooping and that we need a bit of distance, please don't move so close by to us?

Genius thinking scrubthedecks

I get your situation OP a colleague of mine had a similar situation, hers was an arranged marriage (she genuinely loves her DH and he loves her) , after the wedding they were given little option but to move in with his family, she'd lived with her family before. Both have decent jobs but both sets of parents went on and on about rent being wasteful so they moved in to save a deposit. She did more than her fair share around the house and they kept pressuring her to give up her job to focus on TTC , she refused, her and DH had enough money saved for a deposit and were looking to buy, she then fell pregnant and was very unwell during pregnancy so was convinced to stay. She fell pregnant within three months of the first birth despite being on the pill. Two years of back to back maternity leave. MIL more and more interfering, nasty comments, gaslighting her etc, then MIL slapped her for being 'disrespectful'. She put her foot down with DH and they moved just before birth of second DC . PILs have been horrendous telling everyone she is ungrateful and spoiled and had mental health problems (she doesn't) then they moved to the same village as my friend and DH , they're now trying the sweetness and light we're just trying to support you ruse. It's destroyed my friend, but even her parents think it's her place to be subservient to her MIL. She never came back to work and DH now works even harder to support them financially but it means he's not around as much.

Maybe get dh to talk to them, but it is an awkward one. If they do move, definitely put in some boundaries and don’t let them have a key to the house!
I don’t agree with all the comments about you “taking advantage” for 4 years. Being pressured to stay with inlaws is horrible. We were also with ours for 3 years after marriage, which was really hard on us and not something we wanted at all but they didn’t “let” us move, which in the end meant we had to sort out a private rent behind their back and grab a few things while they were out and just go. Which sounds ridiculous really but I was v young when we got married, they were v controlling, and this is just the way it is in some families the inlaws can’t let go of their sons.
Good luck op, hope you enjoy the new house and that they back off a bit

Why is OP getting so much abuse? It's horrible.