AIBU: not always wanting to take DS friend’s sister too?

[HeavyMetalMama]

So, yesterday I wanted to take my 10yo DS to the local park on his bike and he asked if his friend could come, who lives a few houses down. Naturally, I said yes. I texted his Mum who then said “Yes but his little sister will be so sad”. Now, I don’t mind as I usually babysit both a bit in the holidays, but I felt a bit peeved. I’ve got a 7 week old demanding, exclusively BF baby and physical disabilities, and so to me having 2 slightly older children is a lot easier than adding a 6yo to the mix, especially one who isn’t keen on instruction and while they’re all on bikes. The Mum does have my DS over occasionally and took him to the fair once with her and her children. I took all 3 of course, but where does it end? Days out? Sometimes I just cannot take both.

So, AIBU?

No YABU - that's really annoying and not fair on any of the kids. Could you invite the friend to your house and then go to the park? Surely she wouldn't expect you have her then?

YANBU. It would be different (maybe) if it was a smaller age gap, but a six year old is a big addition to two ten year old friends who can pretty much do their own thing.

Text back
'Sorry can't manage both, I'll ask another friend' you cheeky fucker

Nope. Just say sorry doesn’t work for me to take both obviously you and your dd are welcome to join us all tho. She is being cheeky.

YANBU, I’d ignore the comments about the sister and respond aww she’ll luv having some girly time with her mum hun (or something equally asinine).

Her taking your son once with her two to a fair isn’t the same at all. She just wants free childcare.

Can you try and promote other friendships to your son?

Just say that she can come with her Mum if she wants but u r not confident to take all 3 children and a baby.

Well if you start doing it at all then it will never end, she is cheeky. I hate parents who think you can't take one one their own without the sibling coming, very annoying!!

Sorry meant YANBU!

Say she's welcome to come but mum will have to come too, as you can't manage 2 ten year olds, a baby and a six year old!

Do NOT say you are not confident with 3, that's a terrible idea, she will be straight in with "oh no dd will be fine, no minding in her"

Say:
"No problem, we can ask someone else"

"It's for the boys to play, I doubt she'll want to and more importantly I doubt they will want her to"

"I'm sure she'll be fine"

So if she says the dd will be sad, you just say you won;t take the boy then. Stand up for yourself, don't complain about others walking over you if you let them,

I had a childhood friend whos’ mum would insist on her bringing her 3years young sister with her to sleepovers and outings etc.

I don’t know what she was thinking- well actually I do, she just wanted them both out of the house. But when you’re 10 and you’re just starting to spread your wings in terms of getting a bit of independence, it was a pain in the arse to effectively have to babysit a much younger sibling.

Tell her you don’t want the sister to be sad, so she (the mum) is welcome to come along and bring her daughter. You’d be glad of the help, with having your little baby with you. 😇😉

She hasn’t actually asked you though has she. Just don’t take her hint, don’t make excuses, just complete the arrangement as if she didn’t make that silly leading comment.

What PositivelyPerf said.

Is she aware of your disabilities, or how much they affect you? If not- be honest. I’m sorry, but everything is playing up today, the boys being older are easier to watch. Next time hopefully I’ll feel better. I understand why she asks if the younger can tag along- most parents do this, if it’s a casual thing and not an official ‘playdate’ At least try and if she persists in making you or trying to make you feel guilty about not taking the younger one, then either stay firm, or juts stop taking them.

When we were 10 (and much younger) we went to all the parks, woods, everywhere without adults along. I’m 65 btw.

I understand why she asks if the younger can tag along- most parents do this, if it’s a casual thing and not an official ‘playdate’

huh? No they don't, where on earth do you live that this is considered normal?!

I don’t think it’s normal to ask it’s cheeky and rude

@AhedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered- if it’s the local kids who all play together around here, yes, one person takes them all to the local park (close walking distance) one adult to supervise a group is seen as normal. I’m in Australia, but this used to happen in the UK for me and my sister. Usual can we go to the park Mum- yes but you need to take your sister stuff. Didn’t think it was that unusual. If I’m taking a kid to the cinema, the zoo, etc- wouldn’t take siblings. A quick park trip, absolutely.

Of course yanbu, don't pander to this nonsense.

That’s what I was worried about! I knew I should nip it in the bud but did take them as I felt bad

I do get your point, I’m 3 years younger than my sister and was gutted when she went to sleepovers etc but understood that I wasn’t invited and they weren’t my friends!

That’s so lovely that you could do that, it’s just not safe for him unfortunately

Turns out I’m too soft for my own good. One day I’ll learn, but it’s always me who gets roped into things as I can’t bear to be a meany to the little ones!