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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to apply for DLA?

112 replies

DLADilema · 09/05/2018 22:19

I post quite regularly, but usually name change for anything specific to my family for fear that a quick advanced search would quickly identify me.

My Dd is currently being assessed for Autism. In all stages so far the consensus has been that she shows definite signs of being Autistic.

It feels like a relief to finally see myself as a good mum who just can’t do anymore than I have been - I’d always felt a bit like if I just tried harder, or was a ‘better’ mum then these problems would go away.

So, I’m considering applying for DLA for her. We have got by so far without this, but a few people have suggested that I should apply. It doesn’t take me long to identify things I have purchased specially because of her needs eg: books, laminator, extra curricular lessons (much further away than the nearest available, because of the extra support and understanding she receives from teacher).

I feel really strange about it. I want to claim for her, but something is holding me back. Maybe I feel a bit ‘grabby’. I don’t judge other people for claiming it - dh even told me Katie Price claims it as it is for her son and not for her. I feel like we don’t deserve it because we have been struggling for so long but we have survived.

To make it an aibu, although in honesty I only posted her for ‘traffic’ - aibu to claim DLA even though we have (just about) coped so far on our own?

If it is relevant we have no savings, and significant debt that we are managing and very slowly reducing.

OP posts:
Gilead · 09/05/2018 22:22

It's PiP now, but I don't see why you wouldn't claim it, it does help to cover the cost of any extras required.
Send as much evidence as you can, along with supporting letters from GP and consultants. Good Luck!

Masterbuilders · 09/05/2018 22:23

Well your debt has nothing to do with it. It’s about care needs. If she needs significant care then yes, if not no. You won’t get it just for a label, the care need has to be there.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/05/2018 22:24

It’s still DLA for children.

Claim it. Get help/research before doing so. Provide as much evidence as you can. Even if you don’t need the money day to Day there may be things that come up that you won’t be able to afford.

Original poster
DLADilema · 09/05/2018 22:25

Gilead I understood it is DLA for up to 16years.

Yes she does have the care needs, but I meet them. I have been meeting them for years. In a lot of ways I didn’t realise that these were not part and parcel of being a parent as she is my only child (as I found parenting to hard!)

OP posts:
Puffycat · 09/05/2018 22:25

You are more than deserving of DLA!
Don’t feel bad about it!
You sound like good parents who are absolutely doing their best, but, realistically anyone in your position could only benefit from a little extra help.
As you say, there are many areas in which this could make your life easier and after all, it’s all about DD right?!

OrchidInTheSun · 09/05/2018 22:25

It's still DLA for under 16s Gilead.

Go for it - I highly recommend downloading the guide from Cerebra which is really helpful in completing the form properly

Original poster
DLADilema · 09/05/2018 22:26

so hard*

OP posts:
Original poster
DLADilema · 09/05/2018 22:27

The reason I mention our personal debt/no savings is because we purchase anything required for Dd at the expense of paying down the debt quicker/outing something away for a rainy day.

OP posts:
smartiecake · 09/05/2018 22:27

Its still DLA for children. Apply and fill out the form. Your daughters needs will be assessed. If she meets the criteria she will be awarded DLA. If she doesnt then she wont get any. Its not wrong to apply. You also dont need a diagnosis to apply. Just higher care needs.

Original poster
DLADilema · 09/05/2018 22:29

Thank you. I feel like they will ask me why I didn’t claim sooner/why now? Really the honest answer is I didn’t know we were entitled to claim it. I don’t think of her as disabled.

OP posts:
OrchidInTheSun · 09/05/2018 22:31

They won't care about that Smile

Muddlingalongalone · 09/05/2018 22:31

In the same situation atm. Just found out that if I'd been claiming it dd's nursery would have access to additional funding for her which is a little frustrating.
I didn't claim because I didn't feel dd2 cost anymore than dd1 - but now I'm realising that maybe I should claim for bigger ticket items like radio aids/tech in the future.....
Apparently the form is soul destroying.

LunaTrap · 09/05/2018 22:33

I get DLA for my son who has autism. I didn't apply for a long time despite his needs warranting it because I didn't really want to think of him as disabled because he is just who he is to us and I wouldn't change him. But I eventually applied and was awarded high rate, I also get carers for him and extra tax credits which allows me to stay at home with him and finances home education for him too as he wasn't coping in school.

Just to warn you I found filling out the forms quite upsetting, it is draining and feels like you are being really negative and focusing on all of the things your child can't do- when I did the renewal recently I did it in stages so it took a few days but breaking it down into shorter bursts made it a bit easier. Good luck.

smartiecake · 09/05/2018 22:33

They wont ask that! Phone and ask for the form tomorrow. Its a big form and takes a while to fill in

Original poster
DLADilema · 09/05/2018 22:33

Apparently the form is soul destroying

Yes. It’s very long and you kind of have to write the worst elements of parenting your child which is horrible - but after filling out assessment questionnaires and attending interviews that is something I should be used to by now. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
DLADilema · 09/05/2018 22:35

Cross post LunaTrap I have downloaded the form - can’t quite bring myself to start writing down my thoughts though.

OP posts:
NC4Now · 09/05/2018 22:38

I claim for my son. It took me until about 6 months ago to get round to it, because I had all the same feelings as you. I should have done it years ago. He's 16 soon and will be switching to PIP which I think will be harder to get, though I'm not entirely sure.
The extra money has been really useful as I use it to pay for extra tuition in maths and English, which he really needs.

Queenofthestress · 09/05/2018 22:39

Just about to renew DS's DLA and just completed the form. I will warn you now, it is soul destroying doing it. Go to the carer's service and get help with it because honestly? I cried the first time doing it and I've cried the second time doing it. You don't realise until you're actually having to think properly about what seems normal to you but different to everyone else. There's honestly a lightbulb moment of 'fuck. My kid is actually disabled.' If you understand what I mean? Every thing that's your normal, is so different to everyone else's and that's what makes you need the claim and it just sort of clicks half way through. Logically you know it, but for me, filling out the form was when I actually felt it.

A bit rambly, sorry!

Bagadverts · 09/05/2018 22:39

Debt is irrelevant. If you are awarded then government website states DWP (or tribunal)

The child’s disability or health condition must mean one or both of the following apply:

they need much more looking after than a child of the same age who doesn’t have a disability

they have difficulty getting about

If this applies to your DD then make a claim. You might find it helpful to keep a diary. Compare to others in her class or maybe cousins. It is harder if you haven't had a child without a disability. Just having a diagnosis won't make a difference. Any assessment report may help. This is focussed mostly on basic needs like dressing, washing, encouragement to eat rather than extra support with education. The school needs to complete a section.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/sick-or-disabled-people-and-carers/disability-living-allowance/help-with-your-dla-claim/help-with-dla-form/

LittleOwl153 · 09/05/2018 22:40

It's really hard. You need to disassociate what the money could do for her as you have identified and look at what additional needs she has over a normal child of her age. It is those needs that get you the dla- what you spend it on is irrelevant.

The key questions dla asks are her care needs over other kids - does she need 30mins plus, night and / or day care. And whether she has additional mobility needs. I'm assuming her autism does not need to physical ,mobility issues but you might be able to claim under the supervision mobility element.

For example is she a 12yr old who needs a carer to walk her to school rather than walk with her friends and she has issues assessing danger? Is she an 8yr old bedwetter who needs sheets changing overnight and additional washing done.

I'd suggest looking that the various sets of questions and adding up the time and see where you get too.

DLA is not income related it is there to provide the care/support kids need to make them more like their friends.

(Getting it will also give you other opportunities such as free swimming and entry into places. DLA can also get carers allowance if you do not work / have minimal income)

Go for it do not feel guilty!

Original poster
DLADilema · 09/05/2018 22:40

I try to be so positive about things. Eg: “Dd sleeping in my bed every night, disrupting my sleep, so as she gets enough rest to cope the next day (while dh sleeps in her bed so he can rest enough to not crash in his driving job)” - I try to think of that as “I am very lucky that my lovely daughter wants a cuddle every night and we are very close.”

It’s hard to reframe it in a negative/realistic way for the forms.

OP posts:
Original poster
DLADilema · 09/05/2018 22:50

link for Cerebra guide

This looks really helpful thank you OrchidInTheSun.

OP posts:
Sidge · 09/05/2018 22:51

You need to be really dispassionate about it, which is tough.

Write it as if you were hiring a random person being employed to care for your child. Spell out everything you do, and I mean EVERYTHING. You can’t just write “Susie needs help getting dressed”, you have to break it down and say how and why.

It is awful but it’s worth it, as the extra money takes the pressure off a bit and can open other doors too.

woodwaj · 09/05/2018 22:52

You should defo apply. We did and I still feel the same as you in that I haven't spent a penny yet. Some really helpful people here told me to use the cerebra guide when completing the form. It's online and it did help! Dla is exactly for the above and beyond things that you do! Good luck with the claim!

Tutankhamum · 09/05/2018 22:53

Definitely apply as it can open doors to other support - financial, childcare, educational and medical/therapy.

If you get a form from calling dla helpline or your local welfare rights department, look in your library or council website, they will back date any successful claim to when the form was asked for, as long as you complete it within 6 weeks. The claim processing can take longer (mine was actually scary fast) so the backdated payments can add up.

The form is long and but there are guides out there to help you complete the form yourself. I used the cerebra guide which was very thorough and details the right terminology to use.

The form will ask for supporting evidence, so any diagnosis would help speed up your case but it's not essential in order to put in a claim.

I wish I had done it sooner - you have nothing to loose!