AIBU to apply for DLA?

[DLADilema]

I post quite regularly, but usually name change for anything specific to my family for fear that a quick advanced search would quickly identify me.

My Dd is currently being assessed for Autism. In all stages so far the consensus has been that she shows definite signs of being Autistic.

It feels like a relief to finally see myself as a good mum who just can’t do anymore than I have been - I’d always felt a bit like if I just tried harder, or was a ‘better’ mum then these problems would go away.

So, I’m considering applying for DLA for her. We have got by so far without this, but a few people have suggested that I should apply. It doesn’t take me long to identify things I have purchased specially because of her needs eg: books, laminator, extra curricular lessons (much further away than the nearest available, because of the extra support and understanding she receives from teacher).

I feel really strange about it. I want to claim for her, but something is holding me back. Maybe I feel a bit ‘grabby’. I don’t judge other people for claiming it - dh even told me Katie Price claims it as it is for her son and not for her. I feel like we don’t deserve it because we have been struggling for so long but we have survived.

To make it an aibu, although in honesty I only posted her for ‘traffic’ - aibu to claim DLA even though we have (just about) coped so far on our own?

If it is relevant we have no savings, and significant debt that we are managing and very slowly reducing.

I know you feel you’ve got the advice you needed, but I would just like to add that the form is indeed soul-destroying. You have to write it as if it was the blackest and most difficult day you have ever had. As parents we focus very much on the positives, so focusing on the negatives is very hard. Be prepared to be turned down, but you should appeal. Keep a copy of the application form - I’ve got copies of every form I have ever filled in, kept in a drawer in a filing cabinet I rarely open. As others have said, DLA is a gatekeeper to other services, and have a look at www.familyfund.org.uk

Take your time with the form OP, as others have said it is soul destroying. It goes against every instinct we have to write the things they can’t do, or struggle with, or find hard, or will never do. But it’s worth it and you should apply.

I’m now off to take my own advice and finish DD and DS2s forms that I’ve been putting off for months! DS1 already gets it.

Accommodations that we make (such as co-sleeping at 7) is the care that DC need and continue to need long after others their age have gained skills that enable greater independence. So caring for a 7 year old is just as demanding as caring for a toddler. To us it is 'normal' as it as an extension of need but it is not 'normal' when compared to peers.

Fill in the forms as if you did not make those accommodations. Try to imagine that you are writing really detailed instructions for a dedicated nanny who is looking after your DD for several days, alone, and on your DD's worst ever day, and needs to be prepared. Specify the bedroom routine, which parts of the routine need input either to do directly or facilitate/prompt. What would the routine then be if co sleeping were not an option? What do you do? When does she go to bed, how long to fall asleep, how many times does she wake, how long to resettle, what strategies do you use etc.

Well done Keep that was the point I was trying to make, obviously not very well!

They won't ask why you didn't claim later.

I only started claiming for my son (ASD) when he reached secondary school because by then it was so clear how different his needs were to those of his peers.

Firstly I’d wait till you get an actual diagnosis otherwise it just drags on. We survived without it but oh my is it a godsend. My son recently being diagnosed. I felt the same as you but now I have it it mean I have more money to use for other things. The form takes ages just a tip, read the sub answers before you answer yes or no because something you immediately.ey think doesn’t apply will when you read the sub answers.

My son got lower rate care and lower mobility when I applied at age 5, before diagnosis. I didn’t have any reports, just supporting letters from GP, OT. I had to appeal to get it.

As reports and assessments came in, I wrote, supplied copies and asked them to reconsider. It was then adjusted about 6 months later to HR care and lower mobility, without having to reapply or fill out the forms again.

Today has been A Good Day for Dd. And I really struggle to remember her care needs when they aren’t happening there and then. Today all I can see is my beautiful girl using all the strategies I’ve taught her to cope and enjoy her afternoon. She even hurt herself and recovered within a minute. So I’m just going to enjoy that.

There will be another storm soon enough, unfortunately. And when that inevitably comes, I’ll start taking notes for the form then.

We asked for the pack earlier this week for DD so I'll be copying everyone else's homework when it arrives.

Another day, another form, another agency to deal with ...

I never called for my form I downloaded it. I read it in my own time without the 6 week time frame. Why don't you just take a look and see how you could answer the questions? If it helps my ds isn't diagnosed yet and he wasn't even 3 when I applied. Apart from the form being mentally draining I actually answered the questions no problem.

Google a bit and see what welfare advice services there are in your area; they can help review the form or give you help filling in the form.

My local council has a welfare rights drop in, some of the food bank drop ins also have welfare advice services so may be worth a look around.

I would have never applied if a friend hadn't forced me to do it (literally - she ordered the form and sat with me for many afternoons to fill it out.) I still find it hard when I had to do it for my next child. I sat looking at the form until the week it was due back. I just find them very hard to fill in mentally