AIBU to apply for DLA?

[DLADilema]

I post quite regularly, but usually name change for anything specific to my family for fear that a quick advanced search would quickly identify me.

My Dd is currently being assessed for Autism. In all stages so far the consensus has been that she shows definite signs of being Autistic.

It feels like a relief to finally see myself as a good mum who just can’t do anymore than I have been - I’d always felt a bit like if I just tried harder, or was a ‘better’ mum then these problems would go away.

So, I’m considering applying for DLA for her. We have got by so far without this, but a few people have suggested that I should apply. It doesn’t take me long to identify things I have purchased specially because of her needs eg: books, laminator, extra curricular lessons (much further away than the nearest available, because of the extra support and understanding she receives from teacher).

I feel really strange about it. I want to claim for her, but something is holding me back. Maybe I feel a bit ‘grabby’. I don’t judge other people for claiming it - dh even told me Katie Price claims it as it is for her son and not for her. I feel like we don’t deserve it because we have been struggling for so long but we have survived.

To make it an aibu, although in honesty I only posted her for ‘traffic’ - aibu to claim DLA even though we have (just about) coped so far on our own?

If it is relevant we have no savings, and significant debt that we are managing and very slowly reducing.

Thank you everyone. I am going to keep a diary for a few weeks, and also request a form so that if she qualifies it can be back dated.
I will also print a draft copy and start taking notes as things come up.
If I focused on the negatives usually I wouldn’t get up in the morning!

DLA is needs based, not diagnosis based. Help above and beyond what a child of the same age would need.

Things such as sleeping in your bed won’t help, unless she keeps you awake, after a certain time, for a certain amount of time, for a specific need etc.

There is a good guide, I will see if I can find a link.

It also cannot be backdated just by requesting a form. It can be backdated to the date form is received completed.

Google Cerebra guide, it’s very helpful.

I've done this recently and i'm usually extrenely good with paperwork.
It took me 18 hours altogether to complete the thing! It is draining.
Ring for the form now. You will then have 5 weeks to complete and return it.
They then have 8 weeks to assess it - but if it's a yes then it gets backdated to the day you rang.
You will need a photocopy of the form and of every single report on your child you have to send with it.
They give you a 2nd class postage paid envelope. I just about squeezed the form and 22 reports into it. It cost about another £1 at the post office to get it signed for on delivery.
The form has a random amount of space for you to reply to each question. But it looked very much to me like they are expecting much longer detailed replies than the space allows. There is 1 page at the back for extra info - i photocopied that multiple times and used about 8-9 of these extra pages.
My dh printed out a spare copy of the form (the original is date stamped) and i used that to jot down things i needed to mention. It took me over a week as i'd think of something as it happened.

I also found it helpful to prop up in front of me a little piece of paper with "more than her peers?" written on it. Just to remind me that every single reply needs to be answering that question.
Good luck. I felt utterly drained and upset when i posted it off - as other posters have said. Haven't heard back yet. Kind of expecting a rejection and then to appeal.

Shedmicehugh1 On the form I downloaded it said this which I thought meant if is awarded it would be backdated to the date the form was requested.

PicaK How did you work out ‘more than her peers?’
I only have the one child - I have no idea what normal.

It does, the form comes date stamped and as long as it’s returned in the time scale it’s backdated.

When I did our renewal someone suggested having a piece of paper to hand to jot down positives too, obviously not to send off but to stop it beinb such a draining process

Sorry if you request from enquiry line it is as picak describes above.

I only do renewals now, so our form is just sent to us.

For each and every area of 'care needs' you have to show that:

a) the child requires 'attention' or 'supervision' with that aspect of care

and

b) the 'attention' or 'supervision' needed is significantly more than a typical child of his or her age would need.

1)What does your child find difficult about this area?
2)What help does he or she need with this area of daily living?
3)Do his or her needs fluctuate? If so what happens on a typical day, a worse day and the worst days?
4)What effect does his or her difficulty have on him or her?
5)What would happen if he or she didn't get this 'attention' or 'supervision?
6) Why shouldn't he or she need to go without this help?

You have to show 'attention' or 'supervision'. So, with dressing, even if it takes 4 hours to dress, unless you show that it is necessary for you to do something to help her dress, it is discarded.

you have to show them that without your 'attention' or 'supervision' your Child would either not get dressed at all, or would get distressed, or put the items on in the wrong order, etc.

Hope that helps.

For example: I still have to hold her hand while we are out walking near traffic, but I see her school friends walking on, a long way ahead of their parents.

I’ve always thought those parents are irresponsible, but now I’m wondering that if it is totally normal and I only think that way because it would be very irresponsible for me to let Dd walk without my hand.

Shedmicehugh1 Really helpful thank you

Out and about, would be the mobility aspect. You can claim that part of supervision above and beyond is needed when outdoors.

How old is your dd?

If you request a form from the DLA helpline or your local welfare rights dept they will date stamp it and any payments will be backdated from the date stamped when it was sent out to you.

You then have 6 weeks to complete and return it if you want backdated payments. If you just download the form yourself you won't get any backdated award payments, so it's worth a phone call IMO!

I did a draft form in the computer and when I was happy with it and checked it through with the cerebra guide, I then hand wrote all the responses, for which I found a lot of repetition and not enough space.

It takes a lot of emotional energy but I'm glad we have it.

I may have missed it but how old is she?

Hand holding would be classed as normal for a younger child so that would only become relevant for slightly older (if that makes sense)

There is never enough space is there!

I do mine as a word document.

She is 7 and a half (don’t even know if the half makes a difference!)

Yes hand holding up until about age 7 would be considered in the realms of 'normal' by assessors. They are looking for support that is way beyond what most children need when looking at the mobility supervision. They would expect all children up the end of primary to have someone walking with them. Of course there are different levels of hand holding and accompanying worry that they may pull away so if that is the case you have to be clear about that.

They would expect all children up the end of primary to have someone walking with them.

We are in rural Northern Ireland. The children in this village are allowed to walk home from P5 (turning 9 that year). See this is what makes me so confused.
By first year of high school the children are independently going off on public buses, up to 20 miles away.

My DS was awarded the mobility component when he was 9 - I assume because he needs significantly more supervision than an NT child of his age but didn't get it when I first applied when he was 7.

Incidentally, I have never had anyone fill in the 'someone who knows him' section but I have attached copious paeds reports and assessments.

For mobility supervision it has to be much more supervision than an NT child requires although yes most children I know are walking to school without adults from age 9/10.

I think I will hold off. I’m not strong enough for this yet.

I think if she gets her formal diagnosis it will give me the confidence to apply for her, but at the moment I just feel like I can cope on my own more than I can cope with possibly being told that my day is normal and I’m just complaining about my life for no reason. I love my daughter and wouldn’t change her. I can’t face justifying why our days are hard going.

If they rejected our claim I’d feel like a benefits cheat.

My dd was born with ocular albinism and registered as legally blind. At school she has to have specially adapted equipment and assistance.

I was lucky enough and fought hard to get her into a main stream school that has an exceptional in-house vi department.

We are not well off, do not have savings etc but do not claim welfare I.e benefits or dla which we are entitled too. We were even offered a mobility car.

I just feel that we get so much already when it comes to the school, specially adapted computers, her homework has to be enlarged to font size 26 and different olor paper.

She is unable to use normal computers so this where I do take advantage of family fund as a laptop adopted for the vi costs around £2000. So that is he only assistance I do accept.

There are also groups out there we use who are able to provide her a good sport in background for the visually impaired.

But ultimately I see it as my responsibility as she is my child. If I still lived in sa I would not have had any of the help I have received.

In the same boat as you OP. Everything you've said has hit home for me, and made me realise I need to take the step and do it. Sending positive vibes, and hoping you can find the strength to go ahead with it. .

You have to do what you feel comfortable with but I think it is worth applying at some point. Most children with asd would get something for care needs at least and often mobility by late primary age.
You are definitely not a benefits cheat if you get turned down. Ds didn't get high rate mobility at first go and everyone who knows my son thought he should got it. I appealed and then got it.
We claimed because I felt it was important that my son's difficulties and level of need should be properly acknowledged and that he should have all the help that he can possibly get. It was his right to have it.