Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

SIL wants to decorate nursery

66 replies

Woshambo · 09/05/2018 20:10

My SIL has been sending me pictures and on the phone to OH saying how she will decorate the nursery for my baby coming.

I think the thought is very sweet, however, I'd like it to be something me and OH do ourselves as it's our first child.

I know she's excited and wants to do it, I feel terrible if I say no and that I'd rather we do it. I have just recently started speaking to her again so refusing her will probably get us talked about and called ungrateful.

What should I do?

OP posts:

pastabest · 09/05/2018 20:11

What's the likelihood she will actually get round to doing it if you accept?

Hideandgo · 09/05/2018 20:12

Just say kindly ‘it’s a lovely offer but DH and I are excited to do it’.

Userme · 09/05/2018 20:13

Just say no politely. As an adult you are very much allowed to say no.

If she throws her toys out of the pram then tell her to decorate a nursery for herself to sleep in.

MyNameIsTotoro · 09/05/2018 20:13

Normal people would ASK if they could help decorate the nursery, not TELL you that they are doing it.

Tell her straight. Who cares if she gets a cob on? She's not acting as though she cares for your feelings on the matter so there's no reason for you to offer her that courtesy.

Nubbled · 09/05/2018 20:13

Say no. Would she let you decorate her first child's nursery?
Nope, thought not.

Littlelambpeep · 09/05/2018 20:14

I would keep putting it on the long finger. Maybe say that you baby will be in your room for at least six months and you feel it is unlucky.

Then do it yourself. Pushy types won't take no for an answer. It might be a nice gesture but I think something like the nursery is one of the nice parts of being a new mum.

CarefullyDrawnMap · 09/05/2018 20:14

What the What? Decorate your rooms as you would WISH to decorate.

magoria · 09/05/2018 20:14

Say thank you very much but, no we want to do it ourselves.

If she plays up or causes trouble she doesn't get to see the baby.

You hold the cards.

user1471459936 · 09/05/2018 20:15

Is she quite young? She does just sound very excited!

AmazingPostVoices · 09/05/2018 20:16

Why would you feel terrible? Just politely say no and work on your boundaries.

Strokethefurrywall · 09/05/2018 20:17

Do you really need random internet strangers to tell you that you're allowed to say no?

Seriously? FFS who in their right mind would think they'd be unreasonable to not let their SIL (who presumably have a shit relationship with) decorate the nursery for their child? Come on now OP, grow a backbone and say no!! It's not difficult!

BlueTrousers · 09/05/2018 20:18

How strange, why would she think she can just trot round and decorate a room in someone else’s house

pasturesgreen · 09/05/2018 20:18

Seems a very odd and interfering thing to do. Say no and be firm.

Original poster

Woshambo · 09/05/2018 20:19

She would definitely do it. She's always wanting to spend time with us as her DD loves our dogs. I feel it'll turn into a screaming match even if said politely. I'm reading my post and I'd advise myself to "just tell her" which is frustrating. I'm not great when conversations turn shouty as I've very reactive. I keep trying to bring it up with OH but he says we could do with the help but also agrees with me. Bloody fence sitter. I know it's not a huge deal to some people but for some reason it is to me

OP posts:

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 09/05/2018 20:19

How strange!

If she could be trusted to do the manual work of the scheme you have chosen, and use the wallpaper you bought, I would be delighted!
If she is trying to impose her own taste in the nursery, that's utterly bizarre. If she stops speaking to you because you refuse her kind offer, be happy she is out of the way for the first months with your new baby!

Rainbunny · 09/05/2018 20:21

This should be easy to handle, as PP have suggested above, just say thank you that's lovely but I already know exactly what I want to do and DH and I are very excited about doing this. I've been looking forward to creating a nursery for my baby for a long time. If your SIL takes offence and refuses to understand the special significance to you then you have far greater problems with her than a nursery!

Ginger1982 · 09/05/2018 20:24

So she already has a DD. Did she decorate her nursery? If so, surely she would understand that you want to do it yourself?

Notagainmun · 09/05/2018 20:26

My God, if you give in on this she will be even worse when the baby arrives. Seriously you need to be polite but very firm and if she screams at you throw her out. You need to get your DH to man up and back his pregnant wife.

gingerbreadbiscuits · 09/05/2018 20:26

Does she mean decide in decor or do the actual DIY stuff? If it is the DIY I would tell her to crack on.

Sharonthetotallyinsane · 09/05/2018 20:28

She sounds bonkers. Surely she’s no loss if she strops off?

Original poster

Woshambo · 09/05/2018 20:29

You're all right. I knew myself that I should tell her no but I do get overly obsessed with things and was unsure if this was one of those times.

No she picked out stuff for it and asked how we liked it and started going on about all the accessories etc. I thought it was weird too but Ohs and my family are totally different so wasn't sure if it was the "done thing". Plus I can't be bothered with it being cast up in the future.

I'll speak to OH again and then her just so we are on the same page. Thanks all!

OP posts:

Trunkisareshite · 09/05/2018 20:30

People are bonkers aren’t they?!

I have some great pics of our nursery from DC1 that DH and I (more DH really) decorated. Some are just of the pristine room with carefully folded blankets and little baskets all in order, a few with us grinning like a pair of twats without a sodding clue about what’s to hit us.... I like those memories of when it was just us two, don’t let them be taken away if they’re what you want for the sake of an adult having a tantrum.

Just say ‘thanks for the offer but we have always planned and have decided, that we will be doing it just us two, can’t wait to show you it when it’s all done, if we need any help you’ll be the first persons we call’.

mimibunz · 09/05/2018 20:31

Perhaps go ahead and do it without telling her? She has no right to put you on the spot this way! Man up, OP!

IsItThatTimeAlready131 · 09/05/2018 20:32

If you say no to her she might be unhappy\upset etc. If you say yes you will miss out on doing it and will feel unhappy\upset. Either way someone will probably be unhappy; your child, your nursery, why should it be you that is unhappy?

Can you work out a couple of areas she could have input into and\or help with? Maybe help to choose wallpaper or after you choose the colour for paint choose a few shades you would be willing to use and get her input into the final shade. Can she help with painting\decorating but not do it all. Can she help with choosing carpet\flooring and curtains etc?

Then you can say something like "DSIL, your help will be appreciated for some things, but as we are the parents-to-be and this is our first child we would like to do the majority of DCs nursery, we would like to give you the chance to have input with..."

We used the same room for all of our children and didn't need to redecorate between babies therefore if we had not done the nursery ourselves for DS1 we wouldn't have had the chance to do it at all. If you are anything like us you won't be doing another nursery so don't want to miss out on doing this one. (Of course, you might decide to only have one child anyway so won't be redoing a nursery then either.) So this might be your only chance to do your nursery so you won't want to miss out on doing it yourselves.

If she gets shirty just tell her she is not welcome to help at all.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 09/05/2018 20:33

Tell her she can come do mine if she wants. Ds1 is now 3. Still haven't gotten around to it...

Flip

1 2 3