SIL wants to decorate nursery

[Woshambo]

My SIL has been sending me pictures and on the phone to OH saying how she will decorate the nursery for my baby coming.

I think the thought is very sweet, however, I'd like it to be something me and OH do ourselves as it's our first child.

I know she's excited and wants to do it, I feel terrible if I say no and that I'd rather we do it. I have just recently started speaking to her again so refusing her will probably get us talked about and called ungrateful.

What should I do?

Bloody hell, if she's physically threatened you why are you even in contact?

She threatened you? I think the nursery is a red herring. She'd not be welcome at my home, full stop!

This has actually validified (is this a word)

No, it's not! The word you're looking for is "validated".

She sounds awful and it's not her place to be thinking she can muscle in and take over. Just send her a text, don't bother phoning her. It doesn't matter how nicely you word it, she'll no doubt kick off, but at least you won't be there to see or hear it. I think it's in situations like these, that text is actually a good medium to get your message across. But you need to do it soon, before she starts buying stuff, as you'll feel more pressured to allow her to do it if she's spent money, so nip it in the bud now.

I prefer validified! 😁

Ooh, that's a tough one. I know it's something you and your OH would like to do together, but I think I'd be inclined to let her do it for the sake of keeping the peace. Think of all the tim you'll save as well!

Blimey. She sounds charming.

Next time she brings it up, laugh and say, "You're funny, SIL."

If she starts buying stuff tell her you hope she kept all the receipts because you are not taking any of it.

I prefer validified!

So do I!

Its a mix of validated and defied, which is very apt for this thread and others where an OP is standing up to an overbearing person who kicks off when anyone dares to say No to them!

FYI my MIL browbeat us into letting her buy literally everything for my first DC: crib, changing table, bedsheets, first outfit, muslins, etc etc etc. Not only did my parents not have a chance to buy anything, neither did we as parents. Apart from the stroller, which MIL allowed her son to buy. And I think I bought some decals for the nursery walls. It was years ago but still kills me. More importantly, it was the first sign of real proprietary behaviour over my DC that I’ve struggled with ever since. Be warned.

Are there other rooms you need redecorating? Push her towards those

Honestly any decent person would understand completely if you preferred to decorate your own home.

You can only be responsible for your own behaviour. Tell her it's a lovely thought and you'll keep her ideas in mind but you and DH are looking forward to decorating yourselves. This is clearly very reasonable. If she gets bent out of shape about it that's her problem. When the baby comes you can't bend over backwards to accommodate her unreasonable demands so start standing up to her now.

for goodness sake NO.

How odd - I would have been gobsmacked had anyone announced they were doing our nursery I took deep great pleasure in it.

Even if you wanted someone else to do it - to accept "help" from some one who just announces this sort of thing is very very risky. if she had asked politely and was polite...but with her back ground NO. Good luck op I feel you will need to start learning how to say no when baby arrives too.

Is she a professional decorator / interior designer? That's the only way I can see this offer making any sense.... assuming she's not, as posters above have said just politely but firmly say it's a very kind offer and much appreciated but something you and your husband are looking forward to doing together. If she wants to make an issue out of that she'll make a twat of herself.

Sorry just RTFT and realised she has threatened you with actual physical violence and is liable
To 'get shouty' if she doesn't get her own way?! Why the ever loving fuck hasn't your husband cut her out of his life for threatening violence against his pregnant wife?! This has shades of Jezza Kyle
to be honest, I think the nursery colour scheme is the least of your troubles.

I prefer validified!

So do I!
Its a mix of validated and defied, which is very apt for this thread and others where an OP is standing up to an overbearing person who kicks off when anyone dares to say No to them!

I rather like it too. To me, it's a mix of validate and solidify. To validify is to solidly validate solidly your opinion.

Oops, one too many "solidly"s there!