Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a little annoyed about her priorities.

88 replies

CrazyHippo · 09/05/2018 11:12

This is not a MIL bashing thread. I adore my MIL.

A while back me and DP took out a loan to help her pay off debt. She pays us monthly..often double the minimum payment to try and get it down quite quickly. The loan is for a considerable amount.

The last few months shes only managed the minimum payment, which is fine.

However, ive been informed this morning that shes bought a new dog that she collects at the weekend.

Am i right to be a bit peeved when she still owes so much? Or should i shut up while shes still making minimum payments? A dog isnt just the cost of buying, its the food, vets bills etc too.

OP posts:
therockinggazelle · 09/05/2018 12:16

Too late now but you should never loan to family. The reality is now you are going to be watching everything she spends and feeling put out. She can spend her money however she likes as long as she is keeping up her payments. But this is just a recipe for disaster.

Cuppaoftea · 09/05/2018 12:18

You jointly took on significant debt in your names to pay off her debt which was a risky (crazy) decision.

Only making minimum payments, paying the interest but not reducing the loan balance significantly is going to impact your own ability to apply for credit such as a mortgage in the future.

I'd be worried if I was you. She's shown she isn't great with money with racking up the debt you paid off.

Are you married as you say DP rather than DH? Hope you're not in a position where he could leave you with having to pay the debt yourself if his Mum stops paying and you split.

Don't agree to an arrangement like this ever again.

lhastingsmua · 09/05/2018 12:19

I don’t think you’ve been clear to her about the loan repayment terms if you’re angry that she’s only meeting the minimum repayment currently. If you expect double the current minimum payment, you should have made that the minimum repayment request surely?

I think buying a dog is different to buying a designer bag/shoes etc. Yes it’s expensive but it’s there’s the companionship and bonding aspect that sets it apart, IMO it doesn’t make sense for her to completely pay off the loan before getting her dog. Whereas it would make sense for a designer bag/shoes though. So I don’t necessarily begrudge her for getting a dog and making minimum repayments to the loan like I would for another frivolous purchase, as long as she’s not sinking herself further into debt as a result

Orchidflower1 · 09/05/2018 12:19

I’d be annoyed too. However as long as she’s paying back money there isn’t really anything you can do. Agree with PP who said do you have anything in writing regarding her debt to you?

Aridane · 09/05/2018 12:20

I don’t see the problem

JingsMahBucket · 09/05/2018 12:21

I'd be a bit ticked off actually and would try to shorten the payment time with her. For example, if she has 24 more months of payments to you, I'd ask her to move that up to 18 months because you need the cashflow, etc.

I have a feeling once she gets this dog, that a bunch of her money will now be spent on pampering it, feeding it, vet bill, etc. and your loan repayments will go to the wayside or she'll start making excuses for why the payment is late a couple days, etc. Get your money as quickly as possible so you can get this off your shoulders. You don't have to answer this, but how much was the loan or what is the remaining balance of the loan? Are we talking £2,000 left or more like £5,000 – £10,000 left to pay?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/05/2018 12:21

you probably have to step back and accept that provided she is making the minimum payment, things are OK

I agree, but at the same time Justmuddlingalong raised a valid point around the loan being in OP's name ... something to keep an eye on perhaps?

Orangecake123 · 09/05/2018 12:22

The minimum payment has been made. I don't see the problem, if she hadn't paid that would have been different for me.

bluemascara · 09/05/2018 12:28

Yabvu

Blizzardagain · 09/05/2018 12:30

You're being mean.

Curtainshopping · 09/05/2018 12:37

Oh dear. You took a massive risk in taking out a loan in your own names for her. She could just stop paying and you're on the hook for it. Why didn't she take out a loan herself? If it's because she has a poor credit rating then that makes your decision even more unwise.

I can see why you want it paid back ASAP, I'd be having sleepless nights over this.

Singlebutmarried · 09/05/2018 12:40

Did you put anything in writing when you took the loan out on her behalf?

If you didn’t legally she doesn’t have to pay you a penny.

Original poster
CrazyHippo · 09/05/2018 12:43

Thanks for the replies. Im not offended to be called unreasonable. I guess im just a bit peeved that the usual overpayment has chanhed to the minimum payment lately cause shes "a bit short of cash".. but in reality its clear it was just to save money for the dog. As long as the dog doesnt cause her to not be able to meet minimum payments ill back off. Getting a loan for her was a mistake,but shed be in much worse trouble if we hadnt

OP posts:
adaline · 09/05/2018 12:44

Why on earth did you agree to take a loan out to pay someone else's debts off in the first place?

That way madness lies!

Original poster
CrazyHippo · 09/05/2018 12:45

Jinhsmahbucket the loan was initially 6k. She has 3.4k left to pay.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 09/05/2018 12:47

You have 3.4k to pay. Officially. Rather than being peeved, I think you should be glad she is paying the minimum on a loan that you and DP are liable for.

balsamicbarbara · 09/05/2018 12:49

She deserves her own happiness. You can't expect her to live hand to mouth on bread and water until she pays back your loan.

WhiteFreesias · 09/05/2018 12:49

Yanbu. Buying a dog is a frivolous expense when you have put someone else into debt. I'd be anxious about loan.

Your mil is being vvvvu.

WhiteFreesias · 09/05/2018 12:50

I'd definitely talk to her about it.

ohfortuna · 09/05/2018 12:51

Putting yourself at risk to bail out someone who is financially irresponsible, well that could be a very bad idea but I understand it's a very difficult situation

TheMaddHugger · 09/05/2018 12:52

Borrowed money to pay off her debts ?????????

To be a little annoyed about her priorities.
MaiaRindell · 09/05/2018 12:56

Can she afford to repay you and have a dog? If she can then you may just have to ignore your anxiety. Although, if she got into debt without a way of repaying it before, then I can imagine why you'd be worried. What financial position would you be in if she stopped paying you?

adaline · 09/05/2018 12:56

No, you have 3.4k left to pay. It's in your name and it's your credit rating at risk if it's not paid off. There's no real consequence to her if she stops paying.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/05/2018 13:03

the usual overpayment has changed to the minimum payment lately cause shes "a bit short of cash".. but in reality its clear it was just to save money for the dog

Hopefully, then, the difference between the "overpayments" and what she's paying now will cover the dog's expenses and you won't need to worry

Obviously you don't need to answer, but can I ask how the situation of you borrowing to cover her debts arose in the first place?

Cuppaoftea · 09/05/2018 13:06

Can you (it ought to be your DP) afford to add to the minimum payments she gives you to get the loan in your name repaid quicker?

Worst case scenario you have to write off some of the 3.4k if she doesn't pay it to you once you've paid it to the bank.

At least your credit rating wouldn't be at risk.

Is your DP any better with money than his Mum? Struggling to understand how you yourself got persuaded in to helping them with this.

Swipe left for the next trending thread