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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think she's the CF not me

52 replies

wikiwow · 09/05/2018 09:47

I got pregnant around the same time as a family member's close friend decided she didn't want to have any more children. I was the only person she knew who had/was having a baby so she decided to give me all her old things she no longer needed (moses basket, bath seat, baby chair) etc. I offered to pay for these things and she refused, I was very grateful. Anyway fast forward a few months and the family member who's friend this is, very unexpectedly, got pregnant and she came to me and said "friend says I can have all her stuff now, when can I come collect it", I was shocked initially but wasn't using some of the stuff anyway so took it over when she was around 20 weeks. She had a checklist on her phone from her friend of all the things I had to give back! I was so offended, it's as if she thinks she can't trust me. Anyways I've been slowly giving the stuff back as my dd grows out of it but I got a text the other day saying I need all the stuff back now please and a list of what I still had (she's not even nearly due and as I said it's still in use) I took the things round to her house including a bath seat that I'd still been using (she only has a shower) Also a moses basket for which I gave her my brand new mattress as the one her friend gave was used and tattered. She said oh "friend has sent me a link to her moses basket mattress as it's more expensive than yours, can you bring that". Bare in mind she's aware I've never used a moses basket as I ended up co sleeping so it's not like she thought I'd nabbed it for myself. AIBU to think this is absolute CFery. I wouldn't have minded giving the stuff back but the way they've gone about it has made me feel like utter shit and like I'm the one being cheeky!

OP posts:

ILikeMyChickenFried · 09/05/2018 09:49

That's so rude. YA definitely NBU.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 09/05/2018 09:49

I hope you don't class he as a friend of yours now.
Cf she is. And send the receipt for the mattress and ask for the money.

honeysucklejasmine · 09/05/2018 09:49

She's lucky you hadn't passed it on already. I never accept baby things from people who want them back. Nope.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/05/2018 09:50

I'm not surprised, is she usually this flipping rude and entitled? You are definitely not the CF here. Just a shame they've made you feel so shit into the bargain. I wouldn't call these people friends!

Helpimfalling · 09/05/2018 09:52

What a cF

Darkstar4855 · 09/05/2018 10:03

YANBU. She gave the things to you. She has no right to dictate what you do with them after that. I think she and your relative are both CFs: friend for telling relative she could have the baby stuff (not even speaking to you directly about it!) and relative for being so demanding and picky about the details. They’ve basically used you to store it all until more convenient for them!

Trinity66 · 09/05/2018 10:06

oh wow, terrible behaviour, she gave you the stuff so it belonged to you technically, I'd have just told them to fuck off tbh

SunshineandRain18 · 09/05/2018 10:08

Why on earth did you even give them to her? They were rightfully yours now. I would have said. Sorry they are still in use.

CF doesn't even cut it!

Eatmycheese · 09/05/2018 10:09

She is as cheeky as cheeky freeloading fuckers come. I’d just say that you’ve given everything else away or what you have kept is for a reason, ie you are actually using it. If she kicks off then You need to shut her down.
That woman gave you her baby things. Gave them. Not loaned them. If I give someone something it’s theirs to do with as they wish otherwise I would have kept it and not relinquished ownership /control.
She was out of line saying this other woman could have her stuff since technically it was no longer hers.

actually scrap all that just tell this woman to fuck off.

HeebieJeebies456 · 09/05/2018 10:12

you could just say 'NO' seeing as the stuff technically belongs to you

don't give her the mattress or at least sell it to her -payment in advance of delivery

DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg · 09/05/2018 10:15

Jesus OP - I think the demands to deliver it would have tipped me over the edge!

Don't take anything else round, let her come and get it!

By the time she'd been this rude I'm afraid I would have thrown an internal wobbly, and would have shoved it all in dustbin sacks and taken it round in whatever state it was in. Rudeness doesn't deserve consideration in return.

elderflowerandrose · 09/05/2018 10:17

Take the road of dignity and write a thank you note for the things she loaned/gave you and never speak to her again.

No need to have any further contact, given she is a friend of a close member and not your friend this is the best course of action otherwise you may compromise their friendship and as a result your relations with your family.

If she kept a list then I think she was expecting to get everything back at some point, there may have been a misunderstanding.

OohMavis · 09/05/2018 10:17

Dunno about cheeky, but she's a Rude Fucker.

Who does that?

OneStepSideways · 09/05/2018 10:19

Awful behaviour. Did the friend who gave it to you ask for it back or the pregnant relative?

If it was given to you rather than lent you could have declined and said you'd agreed to pass it on to your own family member. If the plan was for you to return when you nolonger needed it I would have said 'I'm still using that, I'll call you when I've finished with it so you can collect it'.
Why did you feel obliged to give it back and deliver it?

Baubletrouble43 · 09/05/2018 10:21

I also never accept baby things from people who want them back. This seems to be a new phenomenon. No one did this when my 20 year old dd was a baby. Seems to be rife now. If you still want to own things don't give them away!!

Juells · 09/05/2018 10:22

Not worth bothering about, really. They're both CFs, your relative more than her friend. You only have the relative's word that the friend has been actively involved. To me it sounds more like your family member has demanded to know exactly what she gave you, and has decided since she's her friend it all belongs to her by rights. Anyway, it's probably saved you some money having the use of the equipment until now. I'd be mad at your family member, not the original 'gifter' who may know nothing about the CFuckery that's gone on with it.

ILikeMyChickenFried · 09/05/2018 10:23

Part of the issue is that baby and especially toddler things can get wrecked quite easily.

A friend "gave" us a baby Bjorn bouncer to then say 3 months in that they wanted it back when we were done. I was scared.to use the thing after that, knowing it's value and my son's propensity for explosive poos.

timeisnotaline · 09/05/2018 10:23

She is very rude! I can understand wanting baby things back but not if the baby isn’t born yet and you are still using them, and not in such a judgey way. Say the mattress was falling apart and you binned it, but if she doesn’t want to borrow yours you will collect it and she can buy one that suits her.

pigmcpigface · 09/05/2018 10:24

Jesus, that's terrible behaviour!

I think when you give someone something - unless you are extremely explicit that it is a LOAN - you relinquish all rights over it for the future. That person can do whatever they like with it once you've handed it over.

PleaseAndThanks · 09/05/2018 10:32

Very rude of them.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/05/2018 10:34

Why did you agree to give it to her? And take it all round? If you have a second child, your cf relative will never relinquish it. For all intent and purposes, this is your stuff.

NWQM · 09/05/2018 10:43

Very rubbish the way they have gone about it - very grabby...I want the most expensive moses basket and how uncharitable of a family member to not wait until you had finished using stuff that they don't actually need. Have you checked out whether there is anything behind it. I'd be tempted to say 'hey, x. Just been thinking about the fact that I have had to give all x's baby stuff to you before my x had finished needing it but before you did. I didn't offend her or anything did I? You do know I offered to pay for her for it don't you but she said no when she gave it me. She didn't say it was a loan so did I misunderstand?'.

Juells · 09/05/2018 10:45

Oooh that's good, @NWQM

WineIsTheAnswer · 09/05/2018 10:47

I was always told you shouldn't reuse a mattress for a new born. So not keeping her old one is a valid excuse. You are being generous giving her your unused one.

Keep anything you still have and tell pregnant relative that it was given to you and you are happy to pass on after you have finished with it but not before.

Juells · 09/05/2018 10:49

I'm wondering now if the relative just decided that if she waited to claim all the baby things, the OP would have 'ruined' them?

Quite honestly, I'd never again speak to whoever that family member is, I'd take on board that saying about "when someone shows you who they are, believe them".

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