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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not reply to nosey mum who keeps messaging me?

85 replies

sagegreen5 · 08/05/2018 11:12

There is this acquaintance I know from baby groups, I do not know her well at all. However she keeps messaging me questioning me about my dds, their activities, what schools I am thinking of sending them to.. then how much we paid for our house & how did we get our mortgage!!!! Now she is messaging me asking me about my job. I am very private & am not at all comfortable with her being so bloody nosey. Aibu not to reply & just ignore?

OP posts:

PhilODox · 08/05/2018 19:58

She's probably just really insecure about the choices she's made for her child, so wants to know what others are doing.
The two year gap is a little odd though!

climbatree · 08/05/2018 20:07

She might have a disability.

There is someone that messages me odd things and I don’t want to be go down the route of defriending/blocking as that’s a bit extreme.

I’d just answer the questions that interest you and ignore the weird ones.

Starlight2345 · 08/05/2018 20:16

If you haven’t seen her in 2 years . Wired questions . I would block too.

Her dc won’t remember yours by now .

Original poster

sagegreen5 · 09/05/2018 10:42

Glad I'm not being unreasonable, I live quite a boring life & I can't understand the barage of questions, dh of course thinks it's hilarious but it makes me feel so uneasy & irritated!

OP posts:

mastershelp · 09/05/2018 11:13

She might have a disability

This was my first thought. I have a family member with ASD and chronic anxiety and her social skills are really poor. She wants to join in to conversations and join friendship groups but often doesn't know exactly how to do it. I can imagine her asking these inappropriate questions as a way to get talking and people just thinking she's a CF. It makes me really sad for her

Original poster

sagegreen5 · 09/05/2018 13:44

I don't think she has a disibility but of course it is a possibility..Blocked now & I've calmed down somewhat...

OP posts:

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 09/05/2018 14:08

I find it really odd how guarded everyone on here is. I’d happily discuss schools, activities etc with a local parent. I’d find it helpful for them and possibly interesting for me. I think it’s a bit odd about the mortgage, but given recent price rises almost every random parent at the park asks me what we paid to live in the area. I don’t think twice about it now. It’s a hot topic!

I might be a bit biased though as I love a good text conversation. My closest friends do too so I find it odd when other people just give short text answers that don’t lead anywhere. You’d think she would take the hint by now I suppose. I do feel a bit sorry for her if she’s just being friendly.

HundredsAndThousandsOfThem · 09/05/2018 14:13

I can understand discussing which schools you're thinking of (although I'd do this in person) and activities if she's currently thinking about schools for her DC's. Sharing information like that can be helpful. I can understand vague questions about houses and mortgages (along the lines of did you have a good broker - how does i work?) If she's thinking of moving/buying but definitely NOT how much your house actually costs. I do agree that she may have ASD.

loopylass13 · 09/05/2018 14:16

Family motto when asked questions: "Why do you need to know?".

Original poster

sagegreen5 · 09/05/2018 14:18

It would be different if it was face to face but to receive messages loaded with questions is just too much for me especially with someone who was someone I met briefly 2 years ago at toddlers

OP posts:

Uniglo18 · 09/05/2018 14:19

Is she Asian by any chance? My Indian aunty is like this, I've learnt to play games with her over they years so she's given up now!

For eg: Aunty: How much is your mortgage?
Me: I'm mortgage free?

AUNTY: How much is your dh's salary?
ME : It changes yearly depending on how many drugs he sells each year!

Hissy · 09/05/2018 14:40

Just ignore! She's batty!

Turquoise123 · 09/05/2018 17:33

most odd - just ignore.

Many of us forget to respond to messages anyway ...

ToftyAC · 09/05/2018 17:46

Wow! Very rude and inappropriate.

thebatman · 09/05/2018 17:56

Reply to her with "well, I COULD tell you, but then I'd have to kill you"

Teacher22 · 09/05/2018 17:58

Blimey! What a cheeky madam! And anyway, hasn't she come across Mouseprice? Why would she need to ask what your house cost when it will be on there for the world and his wife to see?

Earthakitty · 09/05/2018 18:38

Why are you so afraid of being frank with her ?
Her constant questions are intrusive and inappropriate and are clearly causing you some angst.
So nip it in the bud.
Don't be afraid of upsetting her.
She's upsetting YOU after all.
Take a breath and next time you see her tell her politely but very firmly you're uncomfortable with her questions and want her to stop.

Arian1 · 09/05/2018 18:50

She sounds like my mother in law. Does she have a mustache ?

moreofaslummythanyummy · 09/05/2018 19:22

I went through this and at first I thought we were friends . Reality is she was a competitive Psycho who was hell bent on destroying my daughter reputation to make hers look better!
Block and ignore is my only advice !

RainbowGlitterFairy · 09/05/2018 20:17

Asking what schools I can understand, I felt totally lost choosing schools and discussed it with everybody who stood still too long!
The rest of it though is just plain nosey and its fine to tell her to mind her own business.

browneyes77 · 09/05/2018 20:28

Blimey! She sounds like a one woman Spanish Inquisition!

As others have said, I’d just be honest and say, ‘sorry but I’m quite a private person and don’t appreciate all these personal questions’. Then ignore.

It’s quite possible as PP’s have said that she’s trying to build a friendship with you, but is going about it in totally the wrong way. I have a lovely friend who always asks me a million questions just in one text message! But she was already my friend, so she knows me very well and it’s just how she is, so I don’t find her questions intrusive. But this woman is a stranger and is being far too in your face pushy and by the sound kinds of it she probably isn’t someone you’d choose as a friend anyway.

Nicky34 · 10/05/2018 06:09

It sounds to me like she’s firing questions at anyone who will answer to save her doing the hard work! What’s the internet and telephones for but to find out information and call these places to ask! Different if you are asking an actual friend or you’ve bumped into them and a quick chat on which schools you’re looking at. But a bombard of questions via text to someone you don’t really know is not on.

CosyLulu · 10/05/2018 06:41

Maybe she works for a market research company?

PureColdWind · 10/05/2018 06:51

It is possible she has aspergers or something and has issues with social skills.

I try to presume people have good intentions and deal with the.kindly - but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it if it is really bothering you.

RadiantResults · 10/05/2018 07:02

Surely the easiest thing to do is to say 'that's a lot of questions' and only answer those you want to. Or tell her outright you don't like the million questions as you like your privacy.
Blocking someone without telling them what you don't like about their behaviour seems a bit strange to me. If you tell her she's got a chance to change it.
Being introverted has nothing to do with it btw. Why do you think an extrovert would like this?!
It's to do with your boundaries and how you assert them.

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