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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband is a shitbag and he cant make me sell?

74 replies

TotalReboot · 08/05/2018 09:29

Hoping someone can talk me down. Not a great way to start the working week, I'll lay it all out as briefly as possible without dripfeeding... and please, if someone can give me an honest view?

Split with Husband in Nov. He has some equity in my property but no interest noted on the mortgage - its all in my name due to his poor credit rating.

We have a 1 yr old son. When my ex lived with me he bank transferred £1000 per month towards bills and food. (BARELY covered it!) since he left he has given me nothing, makes no payment towards the house or bills but pays our sons nursery fees - approx £500, as I have to work to pay all the bills solo.

This morning he has demanded I allow access to a valuer so he can get in order 'his interest' in the house with a solicitor.

I've said in time I will give him his original stake back, but that he has to give me time to get back on my feet from maternity leave!! My question is this. Can he MAKE me sell? Can he force access with an estate agent?

Any views appreciated guys... he's got me in a bit of a spin :(

OP posts:
NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 08/05/2018 09:33

You need legal advice, but he's not making you sell, he's wanting a valuation of the property so he can then claim his share. Presumably the property has increased in value - so he should benefit from that just as you will.

50shadesofgreyismylaundry · 08/05/2018 09:34

It's in your name, I don't think he can do anything. Get a solicitor and it will be sorted in the divorce settlement. He can't make you sell a house in your name where your children live.

Catstar123 · 08/05/2018 09:36

If you are married, then yes, potentially he would be entitled to proportion of house. It all depends on finances etc.

In terms of “making you sell” he could only do that once the divorce and financials are finalised and with a court order - so not anytime soon, and only if the court ordered it.

Valuing the house per say is not unreasonable and will be needed to work out the finances.

Be warned he may be entitled to more then just what he put in.

I would suggest you speak to a solicitor ASAP to establish what your position is. It sounds like he already has one.

christinarossetti · 08/05/2018 09:36

Definitely get legal advice.

Allthewaves · 08/05/2018 09:37

You need to get legal advice.

Since your married I think he's entitled to have access to the house that's the martial home even if he's not on the mortgage (think of how many woman are sahm with mortgage in husbands name). Also unless you made legal note that you provided deposit etc he's going to be entitled to half the equity

Dragonade · 08/05/2018 09:37

Nope. No legal document registering his interest. However, the equity he has needs to be discussed at some point during a divorce. You may need to deduct from it each month for the spousal/child maintenance owed to date. You may need it in the house until your child is 18 if the sum is large. Do not be in a hurry to put anything in writing or help him. Counter his request by asking for spousal support/child maintenance to be sorted out asap. Play hard and fair Just my opinion.

whatareyoueatingNOW · 08/05/2018 09:37

I'm not a solicitor but I'm under the impression that if you are married then it doesn't matter who's name it's in. It's a shared asset. I think you need to seek proper legal advice, as soon as possible. He obviously has.

keepingbees · 08/05/2018 09:38

He can't make you sell if the house is in your name only as it's legally yours. If it was joint then I believe you are legally entitled to stay in a house until your child is 18 anyway.
It sounds like he just wants his share rather than forcing you to sell. You need legal advice on what he is owed. He may not even legally be entitled to anything at all I'm not sure.

Original poster
TotalReboot · 08/05/2018 09:40

Thanks guys..... to put you in the picture its a house that needs a LOT of work, its an old farmhouse and is quite battered. I'm furious because one of the reasons we split was his not helping with the works on the place and not holding down a job to help with funding them.... I've spent a fortune in cash and person graft just on getting a few rooms habitable. Its been a really hard winter getting through it all with a baby and I'm furious he's just rocked up and decided to get litigious.

Do I allow the estate agent access? I fear this is the first step in him trying to force a sale

OP posts:
AJPTaylor · 08/05/2018 09:40

Surely in a divorce the starting point is 50/50 share of assets.
You need to get professional advice.

Whatthefoxgoingon · 08/05/2018 09:41

Please get legal advice. He will be entitled to a share of the equity which may or may not be more than the amount he put in. The children will need to be adequately housed somewhere, which will be a priority. Your solicitors will work it out.

Original poster
TotalReboot · 08/05/2018 09:41

Thank god for this place. I feel lighter already exhale

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 08/05/2018 09:42

His solicitor will advise epregistering an interest in the house asap. He will need a home too for your children to visit him in so it might be deemed fairest to sell if there is a lot of equity. He should be paying approx 15% net earnings .if he is paying that as the nursery bill then he is paying you maintenance.

IronMansIronButt · 08/05/2018 09:42

Surely in a divorce the starting point is 50/50 share of assets

This is why you should never take legal advice from the internet!

OP please do not listen to anyone on here.

IJustLostTheGame · 08/05/2018 09:43

He will not he able to force you to sell, the house is the main residence of his child.
As to the rest I strongly suggest you get proper legal advice.

Whatthefoxgoingon · 08/05/2018 09:44

I would not assume that he is not entitled to a share of the house just because it’s in your name. You are married and most of the time the starting point of splitting assets is 50/50. Please seek legal counsel urgently.

VanGoghsDog · 08/05/2018 09:45

A lot of misconceptions on this thread. Married - home is a joint asset, doesn't matter who paid what or who is on the mortgage or what.
He is entitled to half as a starting point.

There is no entitlement for the op to stay until the kids reach 18. If there is enough equity and income to sell and buy two homes a judge can order that.

The house needs to be valued anyway, whatever the outcome is going to be. Yes he can demand it, it's his house too. But get your own valuation as well.

See a solicitor.

RedHelenB · 08/05/2018 09:45

The starting point is 50/50 but then other factors get taken in so mist times the parent with caregards gets 60/40 or 70/30 split.

blackteasplease · 08/05/2018 09:45

I agree get legal advice.

I thought it you were married it didn't matter whose name the house was in. That the courts just made an order to meet everyone's housing needs. This may or may not be you staying in the house.

However there may be alot of variables to this!

blackteasplease · 08/05/2018 09:46

But he cant make you sell without a court order no.

Catstar123 · 08/05/2018 09:46

Total I wouldn’t allow access to estate agent until you’ve taken legal advice. Just say you want to speak to a solicitor first.

The solicitor will probably say allow it, and also advise you to get your own.

Original poster
TotalReboot · 08/05/2018 09:48

He currently rents. We split because of his idleness in the house renovations and the fact that he quite his job to setup a business. I begged him not to as I was on SMP, but he wouldnt be stopped. So I've begged / borrowed / sold / worn my savings right down keeping it all going. He's such a feckless arse.

OP posts:
Bluelady · 08/05/2018 09:49

If it was your house before you were married, it doesn't count as a marital asset.

IronMansIronButt · 08/05/2018 09:50

A lot of misconceptions on this thread. Married - home is a joint asset, doesn't matter who paid what or who is on the mortgage or what.
He is entitled to half as a starting point

That in itself is a misconception. Home is not by any means necessiariliy a joint asset simply because of marriage.

Original poster
TotalReboot · 08/05/2018 09:50

Thank you, seriously, for each and every reply. He knows I'm broke because I paying for everything solo and cant afford a solicitor. Time to hit the emergency credit card I fear

OP posts: