Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Very worried

81 replies

tasha1223 · 08/05/2018 03:17

I have been with my partner for 8 years and we have had our fair share of ups and downs! Around 4 teats ago I cheated on him with a friend of my sisters. I regretted it immediately and we managed to sort things out. He went on holiday to Vegas for 10 days with his brother and friend and left me at home with out 3 kids( a whole different thread)!! He is due to come home on Friday. The problem is he is still finding it hard to trust me! And the whole time he has been away he has messaged accusing me of Everything. Today we had a chat and I thought we were good. However tonight he has called me and announced that years ago I was carrying in with his brother and he's admitted it!!! He. Tried to call tonight and I ignored him. He then sent me an intimate picture of me and told me If u didn't answer he was listing it in Facebook!! I'm in tears as I am terrified of him posting Thea rummages and also because I am physically and emotionally drained of being accused of everything u can imagine over a mistake made 4 years ago. I need someone to put my mind at ease
Posted in aibu for traffic

OP posts:
YearOfYouRemember · 08/05/2018 15:21

BTw it's a criminal offence to post photos like that. Tell him.

Viviennemary · 08/05/2018 15:23

You cheated. He has made a threat which is probably a criminal offence. Remind him if he does anything of the sort you will go straight to the police.

AmazingPostVoices · 08/05/2018 15:24

Your relationship is over I’m afraid.

He clearly hasn’t forgiven you for cheating and I don’t see how you could ever trust him again after he threatened to post pictures of you.

Break it off and tell him you’ll report him to the police if he makes any such threats again.

amusedbush · 08/05/2018 15:27

Sometimes a relationship just can't recover from something like cheating. A year into my relationship with my ex I cheated on him with a good friend (very complicated, long-standing feelings there so not just a random ONS) and he tried to forgive me but another two years passed and he called it quits. He tried his best but he just couldn't forgive me.

If his lack of trust doesn't end your relationship, his revenge porn threat will. How could you ever look someone in the eye after they threatened you with that?

Juells · 08/05/2018 15:28

I don't believe the brother has said that at all. It's just another stick to beat the OP with.

Talk to the police about the revenge porn threat. Change the settings on your fb page as suggested upthread, and change all your passwords. Then tell him to fuck off.

doormat12 · 08/05/2018 15:28

He has now admitted his brother didn't say anything if the sort!! It's him that thinks it and was trying to get a confession by saying his brother had admitted it!!! Something has went in over there. Now all I'm hearing is how I've ruined his holiday. I've been up all night as when u didn't answer his FaceTime when he called middle of the night ( afternoon over there) I was out shagging around and he would be posting said pics. He sent me one via sms and captioned it my next Facebook post. He's been in my Snapchat chatting to my friends as me as well!!! It's just too much

doormat12 · 08/05/2018 15:31

Should clarify I was actually lying on my mums couch trying to sleep, and he assumes shagging around.

Cornishclio · 08/05/2018 15:31

change your social media passwords and your privacy settings so no one can post without you checking it. You can even close down your social media presence which I would be tempted to do. Close facebook, snapchat, Instagram and twitter.

He sounds awful and even though you cheated and he obviously said he forgave you he hasn't. Not sure how going on a 10 day expensive holiday is going to help the situation though unless he is doing it to punish you.

Juells · 08/05/2018 15:32

Change your passwords, chatting as you sounds demented. Are we even talking to 'you' now? 😂

elisenbrunnen · 08/05/2018 15:35

OK - OP the snapchat/fb stuff is easy to fix. Change your passwords. Change your settings, as described upthread. Do it now.

Then - see a solicitor. Keep the texts and messages.

Get out.

Fatted · 08/05/2018 15:38

Frankly, it sounds like he is up to something like cheating himself on holiday and is using your previous behaviour as an excuse or a way to take it out on you.

You can't ruin something when you you're not even there. It sounds like this relationship is over frankly. This type of controlling behaviour is abusive.

diddl · 08/05/2018 15:41

You did a shit thing by cheating, he obviously can't get past it.

Without the above-why would you stay with someone who threatened to post an intimate pic if you didn't do what he said?

Jaxhog · 08/05/2018 15:45

Why is everyone blaming the OP's DP? You cheated on him. He's probably devastated and lashing out in the only way he knows how. I don't know if you also had an affair with his brother, but he clearly thinks you did. Why should he believe you? You already broke his trust once.

It takes only a moment to break someone's trust, and a lot longer to earn it back. You should be focussed on that.

PS. If this was reversed, you'd all be on the victim's side.

1875mlk · 08/05/2018 15:45

Yeah, you need to get out. Ok you messed up and there's no excuse for that but he chose to forgive you, that doesn't mean he has to forget but he certainly cannot keep treating you this way .. and tbh, as soon as he mentioned the pics going on Facebook, it should be over. That's abuse and illegal x

doormat12 · 08/05/2018 15:51

Should also add that he stays out all night and can never give a straight answer where he was. Also I've found things in his fone the one time I got into it, and they were not acceptable for a friendly conversation, it was also clear from these messages that he had spent quite a lot of time with this girl that I had no idea about! And no I didn't sleep with his bro ffs!!! He's very insecure about his brother and even accused my middle son of being his because someone happened to mention he looked like his uncle!! I'm not condoning my actions because they were wrong! Just feel as if the 10 days away were too much for him! But that's his error in judgement! And I shouldn't be punished because he decided to fuk off for 10 days for this holiday!! He could be jealous before this but since he left last week it has jumped up the scale.

AnyFucker · 08/05/2018 15:54

Jax, you are wrong. If the situation was reversed the op would still be told their crazy behavioir was wrong. You need to spend more time on the Relationships board if you are coming out with crap like that.

Nobody, "even" a cheater, deserves to be terrorised and threatened like this

mzcracker · 08/05/2018 15:54

He stayed with you and presumably he agreed to try to forgive you and move on.
After a certain amount of time he eventually has to do that or leave.
He can't constantly use your past as a stick to beat you with. He chose to stay.
What he's doing is disgusting.

AmazingPostVoices · 08/05/2018 15:56

PS. If this was reversed, you'd all be on the victim's side.

Jax I’m not on anyone’s side. But you cannot stay in a relationship with someone who threatens revenge porn.

The relationship has clearly broken down on both sides.

ReanimatedSGB · 08/05/2018 15:57

The fact that you had an affair doesn't matter. He has no right to treat you like this - and if you hadn't had an affair, he would have been just as abusive - probably endless checking up and threats because you might look at another man. Because he is an abusive, woman-hating prick. Get rid, as soon as possible. He's worthless.

Wheresthebeach · 08/05/2018 15:57

We're blaming the OP's DP because he's threatening to post intimate pictures which is the most awful thing to do...and criminal.

OP - this relationship is toast. After 4 years there is no trust.

Change all passwords and ignore all threats.

MrsPepperpot79 · 08/05/2018 16:00

What you did was was wrong - you accepted that, apologised and he forgave you. Except he hasn't. That isn't the big thing here (except that if you can't forgive, you need to move on)

The big thing is that his behaviour now has crossed the line from insecurity/jealousy to being illegal and abusive.

Change your passwords - all of them - and speak to someone (women's aid? CAB?) re the abusive nature he is now showing.

His behaviour may have originally sprung from your misdemeanour, but that is not a reason to act like this - nor is your remorse a reason to stay with someone acting like this.

ConciseandNice · 08/05/2018 16:01

Your OP decided to stay and work on things. He can’t keep beating you with this stick and either he’s forgiven you or not. Posting pics online is completely wrong and if he hasn’t forgiven you then you need to call it quits. He is being very unreasonable and you must change all your passwords and settings and sort things out so that when he returns you can decide once and for all of this is it. I’m sorry OP, there’s no excuse for his behaviour.

specialsubject · 08/05/2018 16:05

dead relationship. Change your passwords, stop wasting each others time and split up. This is an AWFUL example to set kids.

you cheated because you understandably don't really love this bloke, he sounds like he hates you now. Life is way too short. End it.

eileandonan · 08/05/2018 16:11

OP thought I should point out that you have name changed from tasha1223 to doormat12 on this thread. Makes it rather confusing.

Mix56 · 08/05/2018 16:13

please do as special subject says. change all your passwords, phone, social media, computer, bank,
block him on fb.
there is nothing left of this "relationship", but hurt & misery.
Enough

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.