To “make” my kids be vegan?

[Sarcy]

About 3 years ago I decided to become vegan, my two youngest are being brought up vegan. Whilst my 4 older kids made the decision for themselves. One of them decided about a year ago that he didn’t want to be vegan anymore, at friend’s houses or when he’s out with friends he’ll eat meat but at home I don’t let him. I’ve had a lot of people tell me I’m wrong for “forcing” my kids into this or not letting them backout easily. This isn’t the case but I made sure DS had truly thought about it before deciding not to be vegan. I’m just trying to understand what makes people think it’s wrong to raise children on a vegan diet, surly giving your children meat is much worse

His reasoning is valid to him though so it is wrong to discount that.

The way I see it is you have two options - you respect his wishes and let him decide for himself in which case he may well come round to think like you in the future but he will always respect that you listened.

Or you force your beliefs on him, you belittle his reasoning in which case he is much more likely to “rebel” and never come around to your way of thinking and certainly won’t respect your approach.

I’m vegan - was vegetarian from primary school age. I would never expect my family to adopt my choices. I cook meat (and bloody well apparently) for family and friends. That said they do also like vegan food too.

StrangLookingParasite it might be because animal consumption at the present level, is killing the planet. It causes destruction of rain forests and poverty and starvation for local people, because arable land is not used for food production.

The use of pesticides has a massive impact.

The use of Antibiotics in Farming is really what is causing them to not work as well.

That is without the suffering to the animals.

Veganism isn't about Animals, it's as much about Humans, as it is anything else.

Maybe if your son is just fitting,and I get that as he is 11 then he may stop eating meat as he gets more confident.
This seems also to have become a vegan or meat discussion where as vegetarianism is another option,plenty of nutrients and easily available now,maybe that could be a way forward for him in future.My DD has a vegan friend and mostly eats chips when they all go out together as where we live does only accidental veganism (baked potatoes,salads).

How does that affect the child directly birdsgottafly?

I went vegan when the little ones were young but did not enforce the rules on them. They are growing and need all the nourishment they can get, which is easily obtainable via dairy products and meat. It's a lot harder to get the right amount of nutrients in a child as a vegan.

I also think they need a balanced diet so that they can tolerate many foods and not have aversion issues.

A friend of mine was vegan and enforced those values on her children. There was endless anxiety about other kids' birthday parties and what they might eat at school when mum's not looking. In addition to this, the kids looked very pale and drawn, which caused behavioural issues.

Being omnivorous is the way to go with youngsters; those lifestyle choices can be made when they are old enough. :-)

Poor, poor kids.

At first I did cook my children meals with animal products in, it was when they decided to become vegan that I stopped. My kids are 2, 5, 8, 9, 11 and 13. My youngest wasn’t yet born at the time and my second youngest was too young to decide for herself. But gradually the others became vegetarian then vegan. I spoke to them about it as I did when DS decided not to vegan. It’s not like he’s demanding meat at home and he doesn’t desparetly need it either, he just wants to eat it when he’s not at home and I let him.

I will say OP - thankyou for at least letting them eat whatever outside the house.

I do still disagree with your views though, I'm afraid.

A vegan diet has totally the wrong profile of nutrients for humans, especially young developing ones. Brain development is so critical at this age, which needs the right kind of essential fatty acids... found in oily fish and grass fed meat, dairy and butter. You can find them in some seed oils like hemp, but unless you're downing salads drowned in £12 bottles of hippy seed oil, you're not going to get enough of the right ratio of EFAs.

Also add in vitamin A. Something like 30% of the population are poor converters of beta-carotene to vitamin A... meaning they become deficient if they eat a vegetarian diet. Then there's vitamin K2... only found in animal products, and an obscure Japanese fermented bean product called natto... the Japanese themselves find it very "marmitey"... 99% of westerners will find it disgusting. K2 is essential for proper vitamin D metabolism in the body so calcium is stewarded towards the bones and away from forming plaques in the soft tissues. The iron in vegetables is the inferior non-heme form which is much more difficult to absorb. Children cannot know or understand the full nutritional implications of vegetarian diets, it's imperative that they get off to the best start with an appropriate diet for growth and development. I do acknowledge though that the standard national diet is little better, and we all eat woeful amounts of vegetables, too much processed fats and meat products etc.

Actually, there's one element of raising children vegan that I think is wrong which is that by not giving them any dairy when they're young you will most likely make them lactose intolerant, which is irreversible.

DH and I eat a mostly vegan diet at home: I eat meat outside the home and dairy in it, just not in shared meals. We plan to raise our children to eat our food at home and whatever they want at their grandparents/friends houses and when they're old enough (I imagine early teens) they can decide what they want.

I think removing the ability to change their mind is a problem for me- I acquired lactose intolerance as an adult and it's the main reason I'm not fully vegetarian: it's hard to limit meat without being able to eat dairy in many places. I'd be v angry if it was the result of a choice my parents made when I was too young to express a preference.

Choosing to serve them vegan food at home is fine but they should be allowed make their own choices outside. I know three siblings raised strict vegetarians: all started eating meat by their early twenties. On the other hand all he people I know who chose to be vegetarian at 11/12 still are more than twenty years later. Children know their own minds and should be respected as much as possible.

Why does it matter to you if they eat meat or not? Are you making it their choice or your choice?

What do you say to them if they want to eat meat - are you the kind of vegan who starts off on the anti meat propaganda as soon as anyone mentions it?

I feel sorry for your kids, I really do. I know a few kids who have “principled vegan” parents (that’s what they get called round my way, with an eye roll) who go on and on and on about it sanctimoniously, bring their kids up vegan etc etc. Their kids can’t wait to have sausages at their friend’s house! And are usually confused because they get a lot of propaganda spouted at them at home, I don’t see it as any different to forcing your faith onto s child myself.

I also know quite a few vegans who say it’s their choice, and don’t force it on their children. Those kids are much more balanced.

Loads of people have said on past threads that they would cook one family meal and everybody has a choice to eat it. If that family meal is vegan it is suddenly wrong

Let him eat family food and choose when he is out.

Also I find that many people do not understand vegetarian, never mind vegan nutrition. (Ex when Ds went veggie) and assume they are going to be deprived in some way.

Though I do want to know where you get your iodine and recommendations for B12. Allergic child who may be leaning towards going veggie. (No eggs or milk or nuts due to allergies)

If you're the one cooking, they'll eat what you put in front of them.

This is no different to anything else wrt food. The person who puts the effort in gets to decide what meal is put on the table.

If anyone in the house wants anything else, they can either make it themselves, or they can go out and buy it.

A consequence of being 11 is that you don't get to have all that many choices if you depend on someone else making your food for you and there's nothing wrong with that.

It's not even anything to do with being vegan, it is to do with children not treating the house like a restaurant.

I'm a lifelong vegetarian and former vegan. My 4yo loves chicken nuggets to the point where 40% of her calories probably come from them. Toddler DS is a meat fiend as is DH. I cook a variety of vegan and vegetarian meals as they are healthy and truly delicious but I also give my family what they want and sometimes that's a big ole plate of meat. I don't think YABU to introduce your DC to a wide range of animal-free foods and to educate them in an age appropriate way but I think YABU to restrict their diet in such an extreme way.

I don't see the problem, you do the cooking and presumably the buying.

Good parents don't let their kids choose what to eat. We all know that. My teens would eat exclusively whipped cream, crisps and microwave curries if I let them choose.

The problem is people see eating animals as the default and vegan/veggie as a choice. That's utter bollocks, eating animal products is a choice as well. It just so happens to be the choice the majority of people make for their kids.

It's not even anything to do with being vegan, it is to do with children not treating the house like a restaurant

QFT.

Just to examine a single point, Birdsgottafly, "The use of pesticides has a massive impact."
You don't use pesticides on animals, as much as you do on grain crops, whether they're grown for animal or human consumption. Cotton, for example, has an horrific ecological profile because it's extremely pest-prone (hence some attempts to GE a cotton with pyrethrin genes, to act as self-pesticides).

This isn't about which diet to me, your son has expressed a choice about his food intake that you are not allowing. It's no different to a teen saying they want to be veggie or vegan and a parent forcing them to eat meat etc. He will resent you.

It is all very easy to say the one doing the cooking gets the choice, but that is incredibly unfair if that person suddenly makes a decision that they no longer want to follow the same diet as everyone else. And does this whole the one making the effort gets to do the choosing count in other aspects of family life? If OH is going to B&Q to get some wallpaper which he is then going to put on the walls, do I not get a say in what we have or is it entirely his choice?

You can ‘force’ all you like, but your kids will grow up making their own decisions about food as they become their own people.

sweeneytoddsrazor

OP has 6 kids. I imagine the rest of them don't get much choice either. DH and I have to be feeling particularly generous to let one of our two chose something different from the rest of us.

Could you imagine the reverse of this thread? My eleven year old has told me he wants to be vegan, but I cook and shop so I've told him he must eat meat , dairy and other animal products in the house, I'm being an amazing person and letting him eat vegan outside of the home..... 🙄

FASH that thread does turn up on here, usually with children that want to be vegetarian. There’s usually a fairly even split on whether they should be “allowed”.

@Tessliketrees I agree to a certain extent with regard to fussy eating, but it's a completely different thing to suddenly decide you will only be cooking a vegan diet and everyone else has to put up with it.