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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To “make” my kids be vegan?

315 replies

Sarcy · 07/05/2018 11:03

About 3 years ago I decided to become vegan, my two youngest are being brought up vegan. Whilst my 4 older kids made the decision for themselves. One of them decided about a year ago that he didn’t want to be vegan anymore, at friend’s houses or when he’s out with friends he’ll eat meat but at home I don’t let him. I’ve had a lot of people tell me I’m wrong for “forcing” my kids into this or not letting them backout easily. This isn’t the case but I made sure DS had truly thought about it before deciding not to be vegan. I’m just trying to understand what makes people think it’s wrong to raise children on a vegan diet, surly giving your children meat is much worse

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 07/05/2018 16:19

Although I get the your house your rules, I still don't think it is fair to change the rules when you want to. It is also their house and these rules were not in place for more than half their lives in the case of the older children. So I would say in this case the onus is on the OP to sometimes (not every meal) provide them with a bit of meat if that's what they want.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 07/05/2018 16:19

DH and I are vegetarian, ( but we didn't impose it on the DC)

My DD chose herself to be vegetarian at 15 and like myself chooses soya over dairy (but we're not vegan)

What I CAN impose on them and they can do nothing about is if I buy their toiletries and laundry detergents, they have what I buy , though DD will always choose Cruelty Free anyway .

MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 07/05/2018 16:24

I may be going against the grain here but I think it's fine for you to choose what your kids eat in the home. If they want to eat animal products when they're out or at the houses of their friends, that's their choice and I wouldn't try to control it if I were you. But I think it's totally fine for you to only provide vegan food in the house.

The truth is, animal products are bad. Meat especially isn't remotely healthy in the quantities most modern people eat it (i.e. more than once or twice per week). And the meat and dairy industries have an absolutely horrendous environmental impact. Our current food habits are unsustainable and in the next 50 years a significant proportion of the world's population will have to move to a vegetarian or vegan diet or there will be mass starvation. So the hysteria from people telling you your decision is bad for your kids is just them burying their heads in the sand about the hugely negative impact of their own choices. People won't like hearing that but it's true!

OfaFrenchmind2 · 07/05/2018 16:32

One of your kid has severe dietary restrictions though no choice of their own with allergies, and you are choosing to add more... that's excellent, truly. Gold star on being a parent.

Original poster
Sarcy · 07/05/2018 16:39

@OfaFrenchmind2 she chose to be vegan and her heart is truly in it. She still gets a mix of different foods, she’s happy and healthy. so yeah I’m certainly not the perfect parent but what exactly am I doing wrong here

OP posts:
Corkscrewbetty · 07/05/2018 17:21

I think it's better to raise your kids vegan and THEN let them decide whether or not they want to eat meat. That's where the choice should lie. If you give them meat and then they decide they don't want to eat it, you've forced them to be part of that dreadful industry, haven't you? Eating the flesh of another creature that has more than likely suffered a dreadful death and had a pretty shitty life should definitely be an opt-in system, shouldn't it? You've done the best by your son. You've told him the truth. Most parents don't. That's all that can be asked of you. I wouldn't prepare or buy and meat or dairy for him, but it IS up to him what he does with his own money. Those posters comparing veganism to a religion sound a bit odd to me. What's the difference? You bring up a kid eating meat and then they decide not to when they're older? Or you bring up one not eating meat and then they eat it when they're older? The latter seems like the better choice to me. A future veggie/vegan would have an axe to grind with a parent who's forced meat on them. And rightly so. A future meat-eater is less likely to be cross about chickpeas.

Treesybreezy · 07/05/2018 18:55

@TenancyTroublesAgain through the desire to create the best world possible for animals and humans? The really militant vegans I know who don't use any animal products - so no wool or honey etc, pair the vegan lifestyle with being as environmentally friendly and sustainable as possible, so not just thinking about farm animals, but all animals. E.g. boycotting palm oil products. Like I said, these vegans don't think of veganism as a diet, it's an entire lifestyle/way of living.

CalF123 · 07/05/2018 19:32

YABVVU

How dare you inflict your beliefs on your DC. Fair enough if you want to not eat meat, but it's abusive IMO to 'not let them'. If I were one of your DC, I'd be running a mile from your indoctrination as soon as I could.

PurpleDaisies · 07/05/2018 19:33

Abusive? Don’t be so dramatic. The op is feeding her children. Not giving them meat won’t worth social services in the slightest.

MintChocChip04 · 07/05/2018 19:38

It is neglect imo. A vegan diet is cruel and extremely unhealthy. Growing children NEED meat and dairy. It is not an optional extra. It is necessary. Imo it is child abuse.

One thing I have never understood is why vegans are such militant bullies who attempt to force their unhealthy way of life on anyone else. If you want to do this to your heath, fine. But you should not inflict that on others, especially growing bodies. Every story I hear about vegans they come across as militant bullies who want to FORCE everyone to their unhealthy lifestyle. When osteoporosis hits in your later ages, you want be so happy then. You have no right to force your eating disorder onto innocent growing children. Let them eat what they want. You eat what you want, they cook/eat what they want. Why is it vegans need to bully everyone and it's their way or the highway? Personally this is a trait I've seen in almost all vegans and I do blame the lack of nourishment for the combative and militant attitude.

neonyellowshoes · 07/05/2018 19:39

It's strange to put non-health related dietary restrictions on a child like this. Why make life more difficult for them before they've even left home?

neonyellowshoes · 07/05/2018 19:41

Btw, can anybody name a traditional, vegan culture? Outside of a monastery.

MintChocChip04 · 07/05/2018 19:42

PurpleDaisies It is so much more than just meat. They eat NO animal products. No calcium, no dairy, no protein ie eggs. Nothing. It would be different if she was vegetarian. She is a vegan which is dangerous extremism and extremely unhealthy. It means growing bodies get no calcium and no protein. Do you see now? It is not just about meat.

PurpleDaisies · 07/05/2018 19:46

It means growing bodies get no calcium and no protein. Do you see now? It is not just about meat.

I aware of what constitutes a vegan diet.

There are plenty of other sources of protein and calcium that don’t include meat. You need to do some reading.

Penfold007 · 07/05/2018 19:50

DH and I are omnivores. One DC has chosen to be a vegetarian. Do I force them to follow my choice or do I make reasonable adjustments. I know what path I've chosen.

MintChocChip04 · 07/05/2018 19:50

Also, what do you mean truly thought about it? Did you make sure he 'truly thought about it' when he chose the fad of being vegan? The health consequences to his growing body? Or is it only one side? Did you stop to think of the harm you are doing and the health consequences to his health when he first became one? How can you not understand that it is wrong and dangerous? Surely you know that not eating meat is much worse and is very dangerous and borderline neglect? You sound as if you are into a fad and never considered the repercussions of your actions. Maybe it is you that needs to have a serious thought about your choice, why you chose it, why you are putting your health at risk and why you are inflicting that on your children. I think your son has come out of the brainwashing on the other side, realised how DANGEROUS veganism is, he seems to be the only one who is TRULY thinking. You should follow his lead, he clearly is smarter than you think.

MintChocChip04 · 07/05/2018 19:52

PurpleDaisies please don't use that tired old line about 'plenty of other sources', that is simply not true. It is you that needs to do some reading, and preferably speak to a doctor who will set you straight.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 07/05/2018 19:52

Oh yay.

One of these threads. Posts of "Veganism kills children", yada yada yada.

People. It is 2018. Veganism has been around for yonks, you realise? Some of the first generation of vegan children are now grown adults with kids of their own, and fully able and willing to say "I ate'nt dead"*. Grin Stop with the ridiculous scaremongering.

It is a bit more complex to follow a healthy vegan diet than it is to eat a healthy diet without restrictions. However, "bit more complex" does not equal impossible.

*Terry Pratchett reference.

PurpleDaisies · 07/05/2018 19:52

I think your son has come out of the brainwashing on the other side, realised how DANGEROUS veganism is, he seems to be the only one who is TRULY thinking.

Stop spouting rubbish mint. Putting words in capitals doesn’t make them true.

Look at what the NHS says about vegan diets...
www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Vegetarianhealth/Pages/Vegandiets.aspx

PurpleDaisies · 07/05/2018 19:53

It is you that needs to do some reading, and preferably speak to a doctor who will set you straight.

I have a medical degree myself. Would you like to see it?

MilesHuntsWig · 07/05/2018 19:53

Mintchocchip you’re spouting utter bullshit. Dangerous extremism - seriously?

You can get calcium from plants and seeds and protein from all sorts including nuts and pulses.

As stated below I have been a vegan for a long time, and militant, preachy bullies boil my piss too - but so do people talking utter nonsense.

MintChocChip04 · 07/05/2018 19:55

@Corkscrewbetty because when they are growing bodies, that is when they need meat and dairy the most! Not much help when they're adults. They need it when they are growing.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 07/05/2018 19:55

I really shouldn't bite, but...

MintChocChip04

Could you clarify what you think proteins and calcium are?

PurpleDaisies · 07/05/2018 19:58

The NHS has advice for parents on how to feed children a vegan diet safely. It’s hardly dangerous.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/vegetarian-vegan-children/

Lougle · 07/05/2018 20:01

I am a meat eater, as is DH. Our DD3 is showing signs of heading towards vegetarianism. She's just not a meat fan, really. She'll eat soft, flavourful meat, but avoids fatty meat, or big slabs of meat. I don't have a problem with her going vegetarian if we do it properly and she gets the right nutrition. For now, I just say to her "are you on meat or off meat today?" as I dish up. No fuss, no nonsense. She knows that the meal doesn't change, she simply doesn't have the meat element if she doesn't want it that day.