Can't get through a meal without..

[poopsqueak]

My mum mentioning her weight/food habits in a circumspect way EVERY meal. Btw she's not over weight and neither am I.

AIBU to find this really really really irritating.

Sometimes it's 'can't eat that, that, that' as reading a menu.

Sometimes it's a 'ooh that's very carby/fattening (ps I hate that word)/heavy'

Sometimes she gets some food, then purposely says (in a loud voice) 'oooh I can't possibly finish that!'

Sometimes she shoves her food on other people's plates in a very obvious way 'you finish that, I cant'

Sometimes to the women in the group 'you aren't going to finish all of that are you!'

This week we were at a BBQ and she ordered a pork kebab, chips and a flatbread then said 'only a soda water please, lager is really really fattening' I thought that it wasn't the lager that was unhealthy in that situation.

I just change the subject whenever she goes on about it, especially when she is in front of my DD. It's brought up all sorts of weird memories from childhood that she used to have this bizarre commentary on food.

Does anyone else's mum do this? It's driving me bonkers.

Do you think she takes pride in being disciplined about what she eats ? Or feels guilty about enjoying calorific or unhealthy food? Or feels the need to be competitively not-greedy for some reason?

What would happen if you said to her before the meal. Right mum we're going to just relax and enjoy our meal without commenting on it?

I sympathise. It sounds irritating. Maybe she doesn't realise she's doing it though?

What was your grandmother like? Did she do the same.

YANBU, it would irritate me to no end! Do you have children? You need to speak to her about it to make sure they aren't affected by it.

If she's not generally an unpleasant person it's likely that this is such a constant in her life that she is no longer aware of just how often she mentions it, you will need to pull her up on it each and every time and then hopefully it will sink in just how excessive she is being.

I find people, skinny and fat, who constantly talk about diets, food and their weight irritating as anything. It’s an obsession for some people, and I think they think everyone else is secretly obsessed and so they keep going on about it because everyone is too polite to tell them to stfu. When I try to lose of weight, I never mention it because seriously who gives a shit? Also it gives the diet talkers a green light to blast you with it all.

Slimming world talk is the worst, it’s like some little cult. Can’t they just stick to talking about in their meetings?

YANBU

I have friends (a couple) who each have a different food allergy and everytime we eat out, we get reminded about how many food options they cannot eat even though we always ask them where they want to eat as its harder for them (these are not uncommon food allergy and most places cater for them) but we always let them suggest places to eat and they have to make a point about it. Its getting boring i must say!

Sorry I went seriously off topic there.

Why don't you ask her to stop?

Sometimes to the women in the group 'you aren't going to finish all of that are you!'

That's really rude! What other people eat has nothing to do with her, she may have food issues but she doesn't need to try and make others feel bad.

Surely people say something back? If someone said to me "surely you're not going to eat that", I would say it's none of your business what I eat!

Sometimes to the women in the group 'you aren't going to finish all of that are you!'

I'd say "yep, watch me!"
Seriously, nothing to do with her and sounds like she has some food issues or something.
The running commentary would drive me batty too!

I'd try and avoid meeting her around meal times, I know that might be difficult but it would get you away from food.

Or tell her honestly ...... easier said than done.

Have you posted about her before? There is a mumsnetter with a very similar mother/MIL who talks constantly about food being too 'rich'.

I have said to her before that I don't really want her speaking like that around DD. I just want DD to think of food as a fuel and understand that some is healthy/unhealthy and everything in moderation etc.

I think it's competition to be honest. My SIL sometimes engages with it (she sometimes does WW) but often it just falls flat in the wider conversation.

After I had DD about 6 years ago I did have to do WW as I wanted to get back to being a healthy weight. But i darent say anything to her as I knew she would A) go on about it incessantly and B) would probably start competitively WW alongside me.

In the end she noticed I was losing weight, and started doing WW herself without me even telling her I was doing it. Crazy.

The shoving food onto other people's plates and telling other people not to eat is something is very rude. It sounds as though there a wholesale issue going on though.

I would have to say something because of the influence on your DD. I've had to speak to my DM about saying certain food-related things as it's so easy to pick up a problematic attitude - I did as a child.

Yeah, mine is like this, but also in less indirect ways. I've tried telling her not to (she knows I have an ED) etc, but the only way seems to be to ignore, ignore, ignore and change the subject immediately and pretend you've not even heard her attempts to start in that vein.

IME a lot of women talk like this.
Its relentless.
Endless talk of being 'good' or 'naughty'. It makes having a group lunch or even just offering a bag of sweets round unbearable.
I hate it.
I also hate to admit is mostly women of my age who do it (50s).

PLEASE STOP IT

i think she's fighting a battle to stay trim and must be finding it hard to stay slim!

if you were effortlessly/ naturally slim then worrying about fat and calories would just not be on your radar as a major worry as naturally, you'd eat less.

to be honest, listening to that would be DULL, DULL, DULL - its just food!

can you mention it nicely, that she comes across insecure?

This sounds unbelievably irritating and joyless.I think I would just stop eating with her.

Ps no not wrote about this before. She doesn't talk about food being too rich.

When she says to me ' you aren't going to eat all that are you?' I normally say 'yes, otherwise I wouldn't have ordered it!'

Her mum was a strange eater too. Hardly ate anything. Died weighing about 6 stone (small person - about 5ft). Doctor once told her she needed to put on weight so she said that she would add some extra food to her diet. Turns out the 'extra food' was an apple at mid morning!

My mum is a very tall person, so I guess in comparison to her mum she must have felt enormous (in height, not weight).

My DM is like this. It's like she prides herself on not having a big appetite (because it makes her better than you ). She has ordered food in restaurants and, when it's been served, she's said loudly "it's a disgrace the amount of food they give you!", like she's mortally offended. It's annoying and embarrassing.

If she's at my house around dinner time, she'll always comment on the amount of food I'm cooking - "goodness, look at the amount of potatoes you've got there!". There are 2 if them at home and I have a big family. Of course it's a lot of fucking potatoes!

And breathe

Start with don't talk about food/diets in front of DD. Seriously, unless you can head her off as barking. How old is DD?

Do you think it's a generational thing? I am in late 20's and she is in mid-50's.

Dd is 6

I would avoid her around mealtimes.

Or how do you think she would react if you told her how annoying it is? I am pretty sure my adult DD would tell me if I was pulling shite like this.

Ps I do think there's an element of pride in eating less than others, as if having a small appetite makes you more feminine, more attractive etc.