What would you do in this situation?

[Potentialheretic]

I am atheist.
DH is a non practising Catholic, who would refer to himself as agnostic.
I am pregnant with our first child.

We had discussed getting the baby christened, and I said that I would prefer not to. If the baby decided at a later date to follow a faith, I will support them in that, but I do not agree with infant baptism. I feel that a child should be given knowledge about all religions, and be allowed to make its own choice. However I did add the disclaimer that if DH felt very strongly about the issue, then I would consider it, but it would not be my preference, and would have no impact on any further parenting decisions, such as schooling.
DH at the time agreed with this.

Today we visited PILs and a comment was made about planning a christening. There was an awkward silence and DH said "well we'll have to see about that" and changed the subject.

We've been talking about it, and we both feel that we've maybe underestimated the importance his family places on the baby being a part of their faith - none of them are particularly devout except MIL. DH now feels torn, and I too am reluctant to create a rift over this, I love PILs.

I can see a situation emerging where a categorical "no christening" will result in a lot of upset, with the blame being put on me rather than DH. I'll be the one who has influenced DH, etc etc.

So I have told DH that I am leaving the decision entirely to him, on the understanding that although it's against my wishes, I will defer to his decision as he is the parent who does come from a faith. But I've also said that as he will be acting according to his conscience, so I'll act according to mine. So I won't stand up in church and tell lies about how I'm going to ensure that the baby is brought up in the faith, for example.

DH doesn't know what to do and is having a think about it. If the baby is christened, it's essentially going to be to keep family happy, and he doesn't like that idea, but on the other hand, he doesn't want to fall out with his family and if I'm honest, I think the cultural Catholic thing goes deeper than he realised.

I have also told him that as I'm leaving the decision solely to him, that extends to any particular christening event. I will not be planning or catering for it - if he decides this is something he wants to do, then he will be doing the work for it. I have no intention of planning a family event only weeks after having a baby.

Aibu? Am I being fair?

Can you look into whether a thanksgiving or blessing service is offered in the Catholic Church? I know it's an option in some places, and my church specifically encourages families where at least one parent isn't Christian to consider that rather than baptism. As far as I remember, it involves the parents giving thanks for the gift of the child, and the congregation promising to support the parents and the child as the child grows - so no professions of faith required.

The way you're dealing with it is the right way. My sister had the same problem with her Italian Catholic dp. I told her to tell him he could have the baby christened into the faith if he wanted, but that obviously she couldn't make the arrangements and he would have to do it. We heard no more about it.

I am not sure you will be able to christen a child if you aren’t going to say the commitments to bring them up in the faith. Have you looked into a blessing or similar? It’s not catholic but it is Christian and There are some lovely thoughts whcih can be expressed regarding what you want and hope for your child and the community of family and friends around them, and you can avoid saying anything god specific yourself while acknowledging the pil would genuinely mean it if they got to say a line about growing closer to god etc etc, whcih they mean in a good way.

I wouldn't and in fact didn't.

OP my circumstances are the exact same. Me athiest, DH RC agnostic and PILs devout.

We live away so that would probably have made a difference. However it has never caused a problem and PILs wouldn't dream of interfering.

When my eldest was born the in laws (particularly the sisters) were all excited about the christening. My exh was all for it as well, although none of us were remotely religious. My ex wanted it for very peculiar reasons but I wasn't bothered.
I said it's fine if you want to but I'm not organising anything, just tell me when you're organizing it for and I'll turn up.
Just to point out, none of them ever got christened.

Some families see christening more as opportunity to get together and welcome new baby. It's cultural tradition rather than strict promise to go to church every Sunday.
I wouldn't mind this, just be sure that everyone understands your position. In this case godparents could act more like guardians.
You don't need to do this at 6 weeks, lots of people do this a little bit later whenever convenient for you. It's just more difficult with toddlers, they are too active!
How would your family react?
Do they have particular beliefs or could they just join for celebration?

Why not have a secular naming ceremony?
Its ridiculous christening a child when neither parent is a church goer/believer.

I wouldn't do anything to keep my PIL's happy that I didn't believe in. Especially to do with religion.

To those saying OP is making it hard for her DH to organise this by saying she won’t help, I said the same to my DH who decided he wanted DD christened (his sibling was talking about christenings), I don’t believe in god so I said if he felt strongly about it, he could organise it himself. I’m pretty sure I would’ve ended up helping but considering he did nothing, I feel I was right in that he didn’t feel strongly enough to even google the nearest church and find out any information.