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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hope he's bluffing

79 replies

worriedaboutt · 06/05/2018 09:22

I've been losing sleep over this so I'll jump right in and ask: is it possible for an employee at the council to snoop at someone's details (ie, address, workplace, benefits claimed, NI number, salary ect)? I know it's not ethical and probably breaks codes of conduct, but is it possible?
My ex who I finally disentangled myself from 7 years ago has gleefully messaged me that his brother's job has allowed him access to all my personal details and that he will 'have fun fucking my life up'. I don't want to give this person headspace, but I don't like the idea that he could turn up where I live, or meddle in my life. I feel sick.

OP posts:
Blondephantom · 06/05/2018 09:24

He could access information but there are records kept of who has accessed what. If you are worried, you can report it to the council and give them a copy of the text. If it is true, his brother will lose his job and face other consequences. If it isn’t, his brother will be furious with your ex for putting him in a bad position at work.

EnglishRose13 · 06/05/2018 09:25

Report it. Show the message you've received. Do not engage with him further.

Poppins2016 · 06/05/2018 09:25

It is your ex brother in law with the access? Do you think that he would do this? If so, I'd be minded to report him to his employer, saying that he has supplied (or intends to supply) information to your ex DH. Screenshot the messages as evidence.

Allthecake · 06/05/2018 09:26

I letter to the council stating his intentions would be appropriate in this case, whether he can do that or not! If he's sent a text or email provide evidence of that too. He'll be laughing on the other side of his face when he loses his job.

MarthasGinYard · 06/05/2018 09:26

Don't engage keep screenshots

Report

MarthasGinYard · 06/05/2018 09:27

Possibly report to Police as harassment as well.

Lou0390 · 06/05/2018 09:29

There is an audit trail when certain records are accessed and the justification etc. Agree with the others report to council and police with screenshots as evidence.

RandomMess · 06/05/2018 09:29

Yep report and under the law the BIL will be in serious trouble for accessing your data for any reason other than directly related to his line of work!

troodiedoo · 06/05/2018 09:30

I would hope that his brother is professional and would be horrified by the text.

This is a threat though, so I think it actually is one of those things that you really should log with 101.
Hope you're ok Flowers

RandomMess · 06/05/2018 09:31

Actually his brother needs to be aware that your ex is most likely telling lies that could cost him his job!

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 06/05/2018 09:32

Definutely report to the council. His brother will be delighter and I’m sure will thank him profusely Hmm

CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/05/2018 09:33

You MUST report that to the police and your exBILs employer. As Lou said, there will be an audit trail, so if your exBIL is innocent he won't lose his job, and he may well rein in his brother.

You are being harassed, threatened, you can take steps to get him, arrested! At the very least, after 7 years, you have every right to have our life back, free of him and his fuckwittery.

Beaverhausen · 06/05/2018 09:34

Personally i would find out who his brother works for, go to their workplace with the message and make them aware.

chickenowner · 06/05/2018 09:34

Report, report, report!!

Hopefully this is just a threat and his brother is completely unaware, but you never know.

DioneTheDiabolist · 06/05/2018 09:35

Is your Ex really thick and does he hate his brother? Screenshot the text and report it to the council by e-mail today. And call the police.

FASH84 · 06/05/2018 09:35

Definitely report to the police, depending on the council department he may have access. It is illegal for it to be used outside of the purpose of the work and those messages constitute harassment and threats. I've seen this more in honour based violence cases but also with DV perps who've been police officers etc. Go to the police not the council.

DameFanny · 06/05/2018 09:36

It's true that the BIL could do those things, however every access he makes will leave a log. What terms are you on with exBIL? If you think he might do this, then a letter) email to his new employer, saying you're worried and including a screenshot of the text, would clip his wings.

If you're on good terms, you can let him know direct that his brother is trying to get him into trouble...

And yes - report him for harassment and threats. This is a serious matter.

TorviBrightspear · 06/05/2018 09:39

Screenshot and report to the council. The BIL may not have accessed anything, yet, but he'll be watched if this is reported. You can just say you are worried access will take place.

The new GDPR rules coming in later this month include huge fines. The council will NOT want to risk this ...

FizzyGreenWater · 06/05/2018 09:41

Ohhhhh dear dear dear what a very silly ex you have :)

Yes, unless his brother is equally idiotic, he's simply trying to upset you.

Hard to know without knowing his exact job but the brother could potentially access personal data. However, he would be an absolute fool to try and do so. Records are kept of log-ins, so if your borther has no reason to access a certain record and does so, or repeatedly accesses one record, then if he is pulled up he is in big trouble. And as for 'fucking your life up' - well, it's a bit hard to see what he could do - copy out your National Insurance number, address, birthdate and hand them to ex? Um, what exactly is he going to do with that information? Sign you up for pilates classes you don't want? If you're thinking that ex-BIL might be stupid enough to e.g. interfere with your records of paying council tax or something - if he did that, he'd end up with a custodial sentence. End of. He won't. He probably wouldn't even dare to access the record of someone with a family connection full stop.

What you do now is report this to the police - ask them what they would suggest you do. Even if they just say 'watch and wait and report anything else to us' - you can reply to ex 'Your threat has been passed to the police. Do not contact me again.' - he'll shit his pants.

Then, you also take this to the council. Ask how you put in an official request that your record is checked for unauthorised access. Name BIL. No doubt all will be fine.

Then you can also say to your Ex 'I have passed your threat onto the council who are going to check access to my record and put a note on my account.' He will DOUBLE SHIT himself and his brother will go absolutely apeshit with him - because it's very likely that this will be the first he's ever heard of this and he will be FUMING that his stupid stalkery brother has dropped him in it with his employers before he's barely started.

Job done.

No way will he try anything like this again.

AornisHades · 06/05/2018 09:41

Depends on xbil's job as to what he can get to. However passing any information on is a huge data protection breach. It's enough to get him sacked.
Screenshot any evidence and contact HR and the Chief Information Officer at the council with your concerns. Don't tell your xp that you are doing that.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/05/2018 09:43

I hope these replies have eased your worries OP. Your ex sounds like a first class bastard.

Definitely report and screenshot the threats and don't respond to him.

KTheGrey · 06/05/2018 09:43

If he does this it's a sacking offence. Report in writing with screenshot to council; make sure you copy to the head of which ever department the BIL works in as well as HR.

Report to police with screenshot as a threat and make sure you get a report reference or number - ask for confirmation in writing.

Sorry you're having to deal with this.

frasier · 06/05/2018 09:43

The fact that your ex’s brother has even told your ex that he has access to your records is unprofessional. Why would he do that ( if it’s true) if he didn’t want to cause trouble?

Plus if your ex’s first thoughts are to cause trouble for you when he hears about a job his brother is doing, he’s on a revenge mission. It’s not normal behaviour. Be aware.

numptynuts · 06/05/2018 09:45

Woah!

GDPR which your BIL should be aware of and if not, bloody well should be. If he's part of this they'll hang him out to dry!

As for your ex...police.

zippey · 06/05/2018 09:46

Why does your ex have your details to message you? Get this blocked or change your number/social media settings.

Yes report the threat to the police. Report any potential data information breach to the council. And follow up on these.

Don’t engage with the ex. He is just looking for a reaction and to alarm you.

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