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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was friend rude about my profile photo?

78 replies

OneStrangeRocj · 05/05/2018 22:01

I’ve not changed it since 2013 and I was 5 stone lighter.

She said I was living in denial as I always complain about my weight.

OP posts:

SoyDora · 06/05/2018 06:49

it’s v weird to have pictures up as your profile that aren’t even of you. People my age see that as a sign that someone doesn’t like how they look

What? How weird. The only people on my Facebook are my friends and family, they know what I look like so it’s not like I could try and hide it from them by putting a picture up of a dog!

frumpety · 06/05/2018 07:14

OP as someone else who has a lot of weight to lose , do you think you talk about losing weight and dieting a bit too much ? I know I have been guilty of this in the past and a close friend basically said ' don't moan about your weight to me , its boring , do something about it or stop going on about it' Harsh but true.

My profile pic isn't me , I actually have no idea who it is

frumpety · 06/05/2018 07:30

Lemonys some of us grew up in an age before social media, mobile devices and selfies, some have embraced the technology, some have embraced the selfies and whole social media presence malarkey and some really couldn't give a gnats chuff about any of it.

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 06/05/2018 07:33

My profile pic was the Flumps for years....just saying!

40isnew50 · 06/05/2018 07:39

Your page your rules. I never post my own profile pic. It is either one of my dogs. Or a quote/meme. Not me, my kids or anything like that. Why? My page my rules. As for the comment about the 50 year old with the pic of himself at 18? Maybe it brings him happy memories? I only have FB to keep up with friends and family abroad. The rest of it is judgemental bullshit imho. People tend to post the best of their lives on FB and some tell outright lies. Their page their rules though.

I think OP's friend was a tad harsh. Maybe she was having a bad day. Or maybe it was her way of shocking OP. Either way there are nicer ways to say things. Maybe she is worried about your health OP. Depends how well you know her? Also if you are going to lose weight you need to want to - and you need to so it for yourself.

greendale17 · 06/05/2018 07:48

I find this odd too- you are obviously in denial and fooling no one but yourself

redfairy · 06/05/2018 07:53

As a fat lass myself I know that friends can sometimes get fed up of hearing how fed up I am of being fat whilst wiping korma from my chin. Maybe she'd heard it one too many times and was frustrated.
Are you in denial? Does she have a point? Apart from being offended by her recent remark is she otherwise a good and supportive friend?
As for the photo I think people put up all sorts of photos of themselves at varying stages of their lives or something meanful or meaningless. You can put up whatever you wish.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 06/05/2018 07:53

Op, you were offended by your friends comment, you were there so in this situation I think you know best if she was being rude. If you are feeling insecure, vulnerable and a bit annoyed with yourself for "breaking" your diet then I am not surprised you are upset by her comments on you picture. But honestly people post amazing pictures of themselves cropped, filtered and angled for the best possible result, so picking on your pic for being a few years/ pounds out of date seems disingenuous. Fuck 'em. Good luck with your diet and change your profile picture to a massive middle finger directed at unsupportive 'friends'!

My fb profile picture is currently of Bette Davis in "whatever happened to Baby Jane?" So I am not sure what that would say about my view of myself!? But I change my pic regularly last week it was a make up free selfie taken in natural light with no filters... I am over 40 and no longer care. My friends know what I look like and I am not traveling the internet for sexual partners so why on earth would it matter, which picture I chose for my profile - it depends only on my mood and what I am interested in at the time.

Bluntness100 · 06/05/2018 07:56

Meh, I don't think you're in denial, you clearly know it's five years and five stones later.

Was she being rude, I'm not sure, more context would have to be given in terms of the conversation, the background and the relationship.

It could be as pp said, you go on about your weight a lot and do nothing about it ie complain about your weight, get a takeaway then complain about youtself again, and she's getting sick of it..

Bubba1234 · 06/05/2018 07:56

These comments are not nice.

topsyandtimison · 06/05/2018 07:59

Jealous of you

notacooldad · 06/05/2018 08:32

My friend has a picture of her on her wedding day. She looks beautiful and is several stones lighter The picture is 17 years old.
My friend becai disabled a few years after her marriage and the weight gain is due to medication and in activity.

She keeps that picture up because it was her happy time. She feels embarrassed about how she looks now ( she shouldn't though, she is lovely). FB is her way of chatting to people as she very rarely leaves the house.
If an old picture makes someone happy, why not? She isn't in denial about anything.

Strugglingtodomybest · 06/05/2018 08:46

TammySwansonTwoit’s v weird to have pictures up as your profile that aren’t even of you. People my age see that as a sign that someone doesn’t like how they look

So? Surely it's common knowledge that lots and lots of people don't like the way they look. How is that v weird?

sonjadog · 06/05/2018 08:51

Is this your facebook profile photo you are talking about? In which case, you can have any photo you choose, taken at any moment in time. It really doesn't matter.

If it is a profile for a job application or a dating site, then she may have a point.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 06/05/2018 09:04

'V weird'? [hmmm]

My profile pic is a photo I took that I'm proud of. I don't feel the need to have one of me. I'm not bad-looking - like almost everyone I'm a mix of nice and not-so-nice features -, but I'm just not very photogenic.

MissWilmottsGhost · 06/05/2018 09:16

She was very rude

My profile picture went up in 2012 but was taken in 2008. I don't think anyone cares that I am 10 years older than I was in the picture. Most people I know don't even have a picture of themselves, just a random image or cartoon character.

If it is a dating site image she may think you are deliberately misleading people, but then everyone puts their most flattering images, not their most honest, on dating sites, don't they?

Gabilan · 06/05/2018 09:17

As for the comment about the 50 year old with the pic of himself at 18?

That strikes me as more honest, in a way, than a 50 yr old putting up a photo of their 40 something self. It's just so obviously a photo of when they were very young, that there can't be any attempt to fool anybody. Plus, as a PP said, it may be so that old school friends can recognise them. I'm mid 40s so grew up without social media. There are a lot of people I lost touch with who I might have stayed in touch with had we had social media back then. They might recognise a photo of a teenage me, but not 40 something me.

TammySwansonTwo · 06/05/2018 09:46

Lemonys

Firstly, I couldn’t give a toss what you or people your age think.

Did you ever consider that someone might have a good reason for not wanting their own photo to come up in a list when people search for that name? Well I do have one, and it’s none of your business why.

OneStepSideways · 06/05/2018 09:59

I think it is a bit strange to have an old photo up if it doesn't resemble how you look now. Why not put a photo of something else? Mine is a flower! If she's a close friend I don't think it's rude, she was giving her opinion. If you moan about your weight/diets a lot she's probably a bit frustrated.

MinorRSole · 06/05/2018 10:16

I don't think I've changed my profile pic in about 10 years. Physically I've probably changed a fair bit but as a person I haven't changed much at all. I don't consider profile pics to be important and many of my friends clearly agree as they all have the same pics too.

I have a few younger friends on Facebook who change their profile pics every 5 minutes but I just don't care enough to bother.

If people think I secretly hate myself so be it

Shadow666 · 06/05/2018 10:21

If its Facebook, then I think its pretty standard to use an old photo where you look fab. That's what social media is for, to present your life as perfect.

Aragog · 06/05/2018 10:49

My profile picture varies - sometimes a recent photo (I have and take very few photographs of myself), sometimes an older one, sometimes with dh it dd, sometimes something entirely unrelated. Depends on my mood at the time and they often stay that way for months or more on end as I never get round to changing them!

I know what my FB friends look like in real life anyway in the whole. I don't need their most recent photo staring at me to know who they are.

Besides half the time those who change profiles a lot are using filtered photographs - even just what looks like a quick snap often has a bit of filter or tweaking happening. It's often quite clear to spot even when it comes with a #nofilter post

Devilishpyjamas · 06/05/2018 10:56

it’s v weird to have pictures up as your profile that aren’t even of you. People my age see that as a sign that someone doesn’t like how they look

Crying with laughter. What utter nonsense. My current FB profile pic is my husband and ds3’s standing in front of a poster of ds2. It’s nearly a year old It doesn’t mean anything other than I like the photo.

notacooldad · 06/05/2018 13:31

it’s v weird to have pictures up as your profile that aren’t even of you. People my age see that as a sign that someone doesn’t like how they look
And what age would that be? You are talking utter nonsense.
A lot of the teachers, police, social workers and othe HCP that we work with have not only false pictures but in some cases false or at least vague names e.g. Sally Sunshine, silly Suzy so that people who may have a grudge against them forwhat ever reason can't track them down so easy.

So maybe 'people your age' should try and use some thinking skills and wonder why people may disguise their identity instead of thinking it's for vanity reasons.

Shadow666 · 06/05/2018 13:32

Actually I find it a little sad that so many women would rather have a profile pic of their husbands and kids. I’m sure your friends would rather see you.

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