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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you get to a certain age and people feel it is okay to refer to you as “old”

66 replies

thisishard2 · 05/05/2018 20:10

Either directly or indirectly.

Am 49, the two people in question are similar ages - one a bit younger, one a bit older. Was quite taken aback both times - in fact one them has done it more than once Hmm.

Is it just me, but I would never say this to anyone, whatever age they were?

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 05/05/2018 20:14

But when you get to a certain age, you are old. Mind you, I don't think that age is 49!

happypoobum · 05/05/2018 20:16

It depends on the context really. Obviously you aren't young Grin

I am a similar age to you and wouldn't have a problem with being referred to as old. Elderly might be a bit much though!!!

AuntieStella · 05/05/2018 20:16

My DMum still thinks is herself as a student, so I would never call someone old, as I have been well-trained by her.

There's usually no need to mention age in the first place.

HolyMountain · 05/05/2018 20:23

My MiL is 75 but I’d never refer to her as old because it’s just fucking rude.

Nanny0gg · 05/05/2018 20:25

Well, hit 60 on Mumsnet and you're elderly...

XiCi · 05/05/2018 20:28

I think the people in question are fucking rude especially given they're not kids and are a similar age to you. Do you think that they are jealous of you at all? Sounds like something that a jealous person would say because you look more youthful than them. My best friend is 50 . If I called her old (which I'd never do or think anyway) she would kick my ass.

DeadGood · 05/05/2018 20:29

Given that these people are more or less your age, I’d say they were going for a “we’re in this together” jokey type comment.

Crikeyisunderused · 05/05/2018 20:30

49 isn't old. 70 is.

Original poster
thisishard2 · 05/05/2018 20:41

Yeah I think it’s fucking rude too. One of them more than the other. Yes I suppose they feel entitled to because they are similar ages but still..

I said to one of them - if we are old now, what will we be when we are 70? She said older Grin.

OP posts:
TheNavigator · 05/05/2018 20:46

On Mumsnet anyone over 50 (ie with grown up children) seems to be considered a poor old frail thing who has probably run herself ragged raising a family, needs a quieter life - and are you sure she doesn't have signs of dementia?

The ageism on here really pisses me off actually. Women in their 50s these days may well be at the height of their profession, but posters seem to think we are going gaga and ready to be put out to grass.

49 is in your prime. Old? Pah! No fucking way.

ProudPearlClutcher · 05/05/2018 20:48

49 definitely isn’t old. Are they joking? I sometimes refer to myself as old and I’m 34. It’s meant as a bit of a joke though. I’m probably “old” to my friend’s teenaged dd for example or to the young woman who cuts my hair.

MadMags · 05/05/2018 20:51

How is it fucking rude?! Confused

Namechangedname · 05/05/2018 20:53

I am 41 and I refer yourself as 'old'.

Namechangedname · 05/05/2018 20:54

myself* Hmm

slippynips · 05/05/2018 20:56

I agree, it is rude. If for any reason I need to describe an “old” person I say the “older lady/man”. For some reason this feels less offensive than just plain old! I also definitely think there’s a difference between old and elderly so at least they didn’t say that Wink

IHaveBrilloHair · 05/05/2018 20:56

You sound quite spikey.
I'm 40, not old, but I'm not young either, I'm ok with that.

Liara · 05/05/2018 20:59

Meh, I'm a similar age and my sister and I make comments about how we're getting old...doesn't bother either of us in the least.

But then I'm actually really enjoying ageing. I hated being young.

CountFosco · 05/05/2018 21:00

49 isn't old. 70 is.

Don't tell my Mum. And, FWIW, when I turn 50 in a few years none of my children will be teenagers yet. You'd have to have had all you children in your 20s or very early 30s to have adult children in your 50s which in some groups of society would be quite unusual.

IronMansIronButt · 05/05/2018 21:00

Its not rude, its not a value judgement. At some point you get old, thats it.

Sunafterstorm · 05/05/2018 21:00

I think old is always at least 10 years older than you are now.😁
Actually some people become old earlier than others. I worked with someone who started calling herself old in her fifties. I know an 85 year old who is as for and lively as many people 20 years younger.

WaitingForSunday17 · 05/05/2018 21:04

I'm nearly 36 and I consider myself 'old.'

I think you are young until you are about 30 and after that you come into the 'old' category in society.
Certainly my prime is gone. Opportunities reduce from you right late 20s onwards, in every walk of life.

SecretIsland · 05/05/2018 21:04

The age you consider 'old' is progressive.

I'll be honest - I think 50's + is 'old'. I'm 31.

But when I was 17 I'd have thought 31 was old 🤷🏻‍♀️

Roussette · 05/05/2018 21:06

I know I'm probably old, I just don't want to be told it thank you. I had my DCs later in life so feel younger than many on here

Young until you're 30 then you are old??? WTF

cardibach · 05/05/2018 21:06

If you want an antidote to ageism, look up What would Virginia Woolf Do? on Facebook. Awesome community of ‘women of a certain age’.
I’m not really bothered by the label though. Like any other label, I can decide what it means to me.

MyNameIsArthur · 05/05/2018 21:09

My MIL was still working in a charity shop in her nineties and referred to her colleagues who were in their seventies as old biddies!