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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have a party with no food

300 replies

legoqueen · 05/05/2018 17:31

Landmark birthday & have around 70 people invited to an evening in a pub. Starting at 8pm, DH & I have decided to provide some drinks & nibbles but no 'buffet', mainly due to logistics not cost. Another friend did this & with the late start it worked fine, but one guest has expressed horror surprise at this - views please.

OP posts:
ParisUSM · 06/05/2018 15:09

But people are saying they wouldn't have eaten anything beforehand expecting food so they must be expecting something substantial. I'd eat my meal as normal and then eat some crisps and a bit of a cake if it was on offer.

Pinkprincess1978 · 06/05/2018 15:10

I think you should put something on but so long as you prepare your guests for what is expected then it's fine. I would put on some decent nibbles though.

The pp who made the comment t about dietary needs is correct though. I'm veggie and have been to many a party that all I can eat is a variety of nibbles. I was find and still enjoyed the night!

I have a big birthday coming up and I plan to get pizzas/garlic breads/chips delivered. In fact this post has prompted me to email our local take away to set the ball rolling 😀

MeMyShelfandIkea · 06/05/2018 15:24

OP said they're providing "some drinks"...so basically her party is probably a drink or so each plus half a pack of wotsit-a-likes from the Asda.

Sounds amazing Grin

keyboardkate · 06/05/2018 15:31

I think I would change venue if pub does not allow any hot/cold grub.

There is no way that I could host a party for a special birthday without something to eat at it. Even party platters, cocktail sausages, chicken wings, sandwiches etc. would be good.

Nope sorry OP, I don't mean to sound judgmental but it might disappoint the guests!

Bluntness100 · 06/05/2018 16:02

OP said they're providing "some drinks"

Ah ok thanks.

Op are you sure the issue isn't financial? You keep saying it's not, but well it seems like you're doing this as cheaply as possible.

It's better to be honest, because then you get the right answers back. So for example if you simply can't afford it, then of course not providing is fine, just say on the invites. No need to not have it because you can't afford food or drinks.

Louiselouie0890 · 06/05/2018 16:34

Buffets the best bit

confusedlittleone · 06/05/2018 16:37

Tbh I've always thought providing food was part of being a responsible host!

CadyHeron · 06/05/2018 17:09

Would people really expect the equivalent of a meal? Why couldn't those with children eat at the same time as them, or have a big lunch and a sandwich?

Are you thinking of a sit down type meal or something? I don't think that's what people are expecting, I know I wouldn't.
If you get invited to a significant birthday party in a pub though, it is normal to have a buffet there. Not exactly "out there" idea wise.
The OP said it was drinks, maybe some nibbles. No food. Define nibbles? Is that a few bowls of cheesy Wotsits or olives or something like that scattered between tables and everyone drinking, yep, I'd be picturing people expecting some kind of buffet (whether it be sandwiches/sausage rolls/crisps or whatever!)

ilovepixie · 06/05/2018 17:19

I've been to a party without food. It was shite.

IronMansIronButt · 06/05/2018 17:20

Why couldn't those with children eat at the same time as them, or have a big lunch and a sandwich?

cos I'm not planning my day around your non-party if you can't be arsed to provide a bit of food?

starfishmummy · 06/05/2018 17:33

We went to a party like this - private room but food had to be catered by the venue. The hosts decided people would have eaten before going which was true but there were no nibbles, no music and while a pay bar was expected it had limited choice (especially of.soft drinks for any drivers). Bit of a non party really

C0untDucku1a · 06/05/2018 17:55

What about hog roast in the car Park?

ShoesieQ · 06/05/2018 18:01

Just out of interest OP why are you wedded to holding it in a pub that doesn't do food? Only ask cos if it's otherwise a fab venue and they'll be loads of dancing plus great drinks (and the first few are on you) I reckon you'll be able to get away with it. But if not then you'll prob need food, or as others have said it might just feel like a night down the pub.

Fyi for my 50th I hired a marquee with a dancefloor, the local pub ran the bar and there was no food other than crisps, birthday cake and brownies. A few people didn't read the invite properly and hadn't eaten, so they had to survive on crisps and cake. Oh yes, AND it started at 7.30! Am glad my mates aren't miserable fuckers as from most of the feedback you've had you'd expect it to have been a disaster (though there was a free bar, though we didn't tell anyone so it would be a surprise). Anyway despite all that about a 100 people turned up and it went well enough that we were having to kick people out at 1am.

Whatever happens, I hope you have a great party! Wine

IronMansIronButt · 06/05/2018 18:03

Am glad my mates aren't miserable fuckers as from most of the feedback you've had you'd expect it to have been a disaster (though there was a free bar, though we didn't tell anyone so it would be a surprise)

Nice way to talk about people, but you had cake and crisps and brownies, so there was some food, and a free bar. OP is planning none of those things. Its not a party!

Roversandrhodes · 06/05/2018 18:08

Is bad manners!
I’d rather not have a party at all than not offer any food.I always remember a wedding I went to with next to no food and not for good reasons

Bekstar · 06/05/2018 18:16

I suppose it all depends how long party is for, any more than two hours and I'd expect food. Or at least a mini buffet. Maybe even say on invitation that there won't be a spread out on but people are welcome to order and pay for pub food at the bar

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/05/2018 18:26

Hope the pub do let you bring in more than just "nibbles" - although you could stretch that definition to things like sausage rolls, chipolatas, cheese on crackers etc. without too much difficulty!

I'd expect there to be some food on offer, definitely, if only to help soak up the alcohol!

Hope you get it sorted.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/05/2018 18:26

Bekstar - the pub doesn't do food.

HalleLouja · 06/05/2018 18:31

Am organising a landmark birthday party and most important thing on the list was something for my guests to eat. Its nothing fancy but think you need to feed people. But then I am of Cypriot origin and that is what we do. Feed people.

Mummadeeze · 06/05/2018 18:59

I have hosted loads of good, fun parties where I arranged the venue, the music, some free drinks and no food! People ate beforehand or on the way home. It is the entertainment and mix of people / atmosphere that makes it good. I wouldn’t worry personally.

caramac04 · 06/05/2018 19:08

14 years ago I organised a surprise party for DP. Spent over £200 on food which was virtually untouched but as lots of smokers there I didn’t fancy taking any leftovers home. Complete waste of money and I’d only ever provide nibbles in future.

user1493282396 · 06/05/2018 19:13

I went to a party recently. Travelled halfway across the country on a train at an exorbitant cost, booked into a hotel at an exhorbitant cost and took a fairly expensive present as it was a big birthday. No food was provided. Several weeks on and I’m still furious about it.
YABU and very mean

ShoesieQ · 06/05/2018 19:18

IronMansIronButt - I'm not meaning everyone who thinks the OP is BU are miserable fuckers - but there have been a few right old moaners on here! Plus you and I agree the night has got to be more than a load of people meet down the pub to be a party. And to be fair to her, she did say in the OP she's going to do nibbles, which didn't sound like all that much more than I had.

Bluntness100 · 06/05/2018 19:19

Spent over £200 on food which was virtually untouched

That's highly unusual. Normally if food out folks devour it. There must have been a reason no one ate it.

ParisUSM · 06/05/2018 19:23

@Mummadeeze
Totally agree - a party where food is the main attraction doesn't sound great to me.

More generally, I think this does show how obsessed with food we've become as a nation. With 2/3 of the nation overweight or obese, maybe there needs to be less focus on eating all the time. Is there any activity people do that doesn't involve food? Folk can't even sit through a 90 minute film without eating tons of food.