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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hate the lack of privacy in my garden?

59 replies

readysetcake · 05/05/2018 16:04

There is only a shit chain link fence 2ft high seperating us and next door. This is the second summer in the house and last summer it was never a problem as we had elderly neighbours that rarely used the garden. Now we have a family with 3 kids and their extended families around every sunny day all day in their garden. Which is fine and great for them. But I feel really uncomfortable in my own garden as they can see everything I do and vice verse.

It is their boundary and they have said they are thinking of getting a fence but these things are expensive and they don’t seem that bothered (probably as they have strength in numbers). My DH and I have discussed putting a fence on our side but we can’t really afford it having spent a grand fixing our car Sad. I suggested a reed screen and DH didn’t seem impressed. DH also seems to worry about upsetting them if we put something up as if it would say they we were not happy they hadn’t done it or it’s anti social in some way.

AIBU to really want some sort of fence so I don’t feel like I’m being watched. Is it anti social? Would it upset them? Should I care? Do t want a bad relationship but do want to be able to enjoy my garden.

OP posts:
Original poster
readysetcake · 05/05/2018 16:04

Gosh, that was long for a first world problem. Sorry Blush

OP posts:
ICantCopeAnymore · 05/05/2018 16:06

We're the same. Our garden is really long too so we definitely can't afford a fence. If we go into our garden, they come out and stand and stare until we go in, it's awful.

44PumpLane · 05/05/2018 16:08

You say you can't afford to put up a fence on your side, but given you are the ones with the issue why do you think they have the money AND the desire to spend it fixing a problem they don't actually have, it's your problem!

However YANBU to desire privacy in your garden and be annoyed that you don't have said privacy.

I'd go with the reed screens, they aren't bothered how you feel so why should you be worried?

TeasndToast · 05/05/2018 16:10

If we go into our garden, they come out and stand and stare until we go in, it's awful.

Why? Some people are really weird.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 05/05/2018 16:10

Use reed fencing maybe half way and pots along the rest of the boundary, place a table with chairs against the reed fence and you will have your backs to them!! Eventually you may not feel so exposed.

Original poster
readysetcake · 05/05/2018 16:11

Oh @ICantCopeAnymore, that sounds so horrible! At least mine don’t stare so obviously. Can you get a reed screen? They seem to be fairly cheap. Million times cheaper than fencing anyway.

OP posts:
ICantCopeAnymore · 05/05/2018 16:12

They hate us because once I opened my front door and asked her child nicely not to pull my cat off the roof by her tail because she was screeching in pain.

Apparently that was very wrong.

ICantCopeAnymore · 05/05/2018 16:12

We can't get reed screens, can't afford it. It's a really long garden.

CiderwithBuda · 05/05/2018 16:13

There are lots of nice options. You will need to spend some money though. Can you plant along your side? You could plant a hedge. It will take time to grow but if you put reed screening behind it it will help.

Original poster
readysetcake · 05/05/2018 16:14

Totally agree 44, it’s my problem as im the one that’s bothered! I’d be willing to spend a bit on a cheaper solution than fencing, but I seem to be getting resistance from DH which made me wonder if I’m BU.

OP posts:
Original poster
readysetcake · 05/05/2018 16:16

Gosh your neighbours sounds crazy ICant Sad. I don't think I’m patient enough for planting hedges and trees. I thought reed screen was good compromise, but DH seems against it. He has friends over at the moment helping with DIY so will have proper discussion tonight.

OP posts:
Belindabauer · 05/05/2018 16:16

What about trellisus .
Would that be any cheaper ?
You could then grow plants against it.
No idea if this is cheaper than fencing.

WomanEqualsAdultHumanFemale · 05/05/2018 16:18

Save for a fence. It will save your sanity. Make it 10ft 6ft tall.

In the mean time go for reed screening as a temporary measure.

FrameyMcFrame · 05/05/2018 16:21

Plant a native hedge with a mix of Hawthorn, holly and standard trees.

Or plant Buddleia which grows tall and bushy super fast and has gorgeous purple or white flowers... and attracts butterflies

FissionChips · 05/05/2018 16:23

Pop up gazebo with side panels , face away from the weirdo neighbours .

ICantCopeAnymore · 05/05/2018 16:27

They are crazy. Proper arseholes!

I wouldn't bother with the reed screen - we did a tiny amount to sit behind last year and it was rubbish. It fell to bits after a couple of weeks and we wasted money we could have done without wasting.

I'd love a hedge but then we'd have to trim it and as I'm disabled, it's not going to happen unfortunately. Might be an option for you though OP - some grow really fast.

PetulantPolecat · 05/05/2018 16:27

“ If we go into our garden, they come out and stand and stare until we go in, it's awful.”

Oh don’t give in bullies! Turn your chair facing them and stare back. Then have your DH go in and pretend to tell you something so you can cheerily yell back “Sorry darling, can’t move! #11 have challenged us to another staring competition and we lost the last x times. Can’t let them win again”

Have some responses ready to “what the fuck you playin at” and the like.

what do you mean? Your game innit?

ICantCopeAnymore · 05/05/2018 16:28

Petulant, I'd really, really love to have the balls to do that and would have done up until a couple of years ago. Now I'm disabled and anxious and the thought of even their door opening sets me off, so I avoid the garden.

It's a real shame as I'm cooped up 24/7 so to have a garden I felt comfortable in would be absolutely amazing.

Takeoutyourhen · 05/05/2018 16:30

Save for the fencing and in the meantime use reed panel fencing with real or fake ivy.
Would they have an issue with you securing the reed fencing? I haven't put any up myself but I've seen that some some folk use cable ties.
You are entitled to your privacy, it's very likely your husband will give this more thought than your neighbours ever will so don't waste your energy on worrying about what will people think.

Fontella · 05/05/2018 16:31

If we go into our garden, they come out and stand and stare until we go in,

So what - let them stare.

Just laugh, chat, go about your business and ignore them. They are the ones who look stupid by standing there staring. If you sit out as others have said just turn your back in their direction and let them get on with it.

Don't let them bully and intimidate you!

FreudianSlurp · 05/05/2018 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kikashi · 05/05/2018 16:36

Screwfix sell a 2m high x 4m long reed screen for 15.49. Could it be attached to the posts the chain link fence are attached to? 4m near your back door would give you some privacy especially as some one upthread suggested sitting with your back against it.

In the longer term I think you may end up saving to get a fence. We did both sides (meant to be shared) as we needed a fence and the other sides had no problem with a very old low wall.

MumofBoysx2 · 05/05/2018 16:36

Clearly you need a fence. How about approaching the neighbours in a friendly way and suggesting you go halves.

boywiththebrokensmile2 · 05/05/2018 16:38

''They hate us because once I opened my front door and asked her child nicely not to pull my cat off the roof by her tail because she was screeching in pain.''

many people take a request at something that corrects their behaviour or asks them to alter their behaviour as a dig and get defensive and hostile.... you see it in their parents and that behaviour now drips down into their kids. The same people will [astonishingly!] be the first to have a gripe to other people about how their behaviour is inappropriate/rude...People hey

Brokit · 05/05/2018 16:38

I think reed screening is too flimsy, would blow over in a puff of wind. I think the pop up gazebo or even a windbreake is a great idea.

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