sharing a bed if we have a child

[billsbills]

Nowhere near TTC yet, but DP is adamant that if we have a baby, he’d move to a different bedroom for however long I was breastfeeding so he could sleep through, because it’s just how all his family have done it and it saves us both being tired

AIBU or is this a somewhat selfish or naive view?

So he isn’t going to help you in anyway during the night? No passing the baby to you, winding, nappy changes, getting you water etc?
He sounds a shit parent already.

Worked well for me and mine but its something you work out together. I wouldn't have a baby with someone who thought they could just tell me how I was going to do it!

Would he be moving back on the nights that he wasn't at work? I did offer for DH to sleep elsewhere but he'd rather we were all up apparently. Except he wasn't awake as he would snore through the feeds then claim he was awake the next day!

Wow! I'd be SERIOUSLY reconsidering having a child with someone this utterly selfish 😮

Nowhere near TTC yet, but DP is adamant that if we have a baby, he’d move to a different bedroom for however long I was breastfeeding so he could sleep through, because it’s just how all his family have done it and it saves us both being tired

Fuck me he’s shown his hand early hasn’t he?

Tell him that's a great idea, if that's his thinking, your thinking is the bed would be in a different house.
Seriously he needs to decide if he is ready to be a df.

It is sensible I think, that’s how we have done it. You can’t really comprehend it until you realise how utterly exhausting breastfeeding is. He would get up wih baby in the morning (around 5-6 am usually to let me sleep a bit in the morning).

Find someone better.

Do you want to breast feed? It sort of makes sense so that he has the energy to look after you and the baby in the day and evening and co sleeping is easier withoit him in there. It sounds like a practical decision that he has seen work for other members of his family but its a bit strange that he's deciding that befote you're even pregnant.
Tell him he will be looking after baby each night after hes made dinner and at weekends so you can catch up on your sleep and if you're responsible for input he will deal with output when he's there.
Be adamant about it.

We didn’t this - DH would then get up early and take DC for a few hours whilst I slept.
Often he took them in the evening so I could go to bed early and he would stay up late eith them.

Tell him he will be looking after baby each night after hes made dinner and at weekends so you can catch up on your sleep

A lot of newborns breastfeed hourly for a couple of weeks , how would she catch up on her sleep?

Dont have a baby with him until he has had a word with himself about this.

Great to have a spare bed to move into if one of you needs unbroken sleep every so often..... not great if one of you 'moves into' it so that the other one never gets any unbroken sleep.
He will help to create the baby and he should bloody well help to look after it even if you are exclusively breastfeeding.
I exclusively breastfed for a year and my husband still would take the baby out so i could get unbroken rest or slept with the baby and brought him into me when he needed feeding so that i could get some deeper sleep.
You are supposed to help each other!

That's how we done it as a result DH wasn't tired during the day so took the baby out on walks etc etc to allow me to catch up on sleep during the day.....worked for us as I didn't see what he could add during the night - he couldn't breastfeed! Plus more space in the bed for me and the baby

We do this! If you are formula feeding he can/should help, but if you are EBF then he is basically useless during the night. Don't really see what sense there is in you both being tired unnecessarily.

Fission - I know, I've lived it but my point was that he needs to ensure she gets rest and if hes going to prioritise his sleep at night he needs to make himself useful in the day

He just needs not to prioritise his sleep over that of a woman who’s just given birth really, frizzy.

Early days with both dds we shared and he did nappies and non-feeding bits.
Once is was pretty much just feeding there was no point is both being disturbed, so he’d often sleep in the spare room - the trade off being he got up with the baby in the morning so I got some rest then.

That worked for us, but as pps have said, this is a decision you need to make together - I’d be concerned that he’s dictating what will be done this early on!

It works for us. DH is an early riser so when DD was little he would take her for a hour or two before he went to work so I could get some unbroken sleep under my belt. He would also pop in when we woke in the night to check if we needed anything. Now Dd is older, DH always brings me a coffee and my medicine in the morning and tries to distract Dd with varying results - as she demands I get up and play

As others have said- this can work well if it's something you've agreed together and if his motivation is to be well rested so that he can expend more energy looking after you and ensuring you get plenty of rest. But frankly if he said it that plainly it sounds like his motivation is just getting enough sleep for himself...

In the early days we did shifts. He would do the beginning of the night and I would do the early morning. If he'd just said 'right-o, I'm off to the spare bedroom' I'd have said off you fuck!

Fission - he does but the advantage for the OP is that she isn't even pregnant yet and he's making it all clear now. She can dump him and have a child with a partner more willing to be hands on at night or she can work around this one and ensure he is covering everything when he isnt at work and he is awake. Exclusive breast feeding is a small amount of time in a child's life. He has lots to do.

Eh, we do it this way by preference. Cosleeping and boobing, I pretty much just have to roll baby towards me, latch on, and we both drift off again. Maybe an occasional nappy change. I preferred him rested so he could take over in the daytime and sit up at night to give an 11pm expressed milk feed.

But it should be mutually agreed not something he dictates.

Did this with second one and DP role was to look after our toddler pretty much all the time so I could focus on the new baby for a while. BUT stuck together like glue with the first one as neither of us had a clue what we were doing and needed to help each other. All depends on the circumstances but it would be good to agree the plan together.

I've done every single night waking with my DD as she is EBF. But he would take her for at least an hour before work and between feeds after work so I could snooze. Worked well for us, if you're bf I don't see the point in you both being awake, but if bottle feeding he should help as he can help with that

There is a lot more to night baby/ toddler parenting than feeding, especially with bad sleeper DC. One of ours, for example, would be fully awake, coo and “play” for hours in the night until 11 months or so.

Since you are not married, does he plan to take some shared parental leave and then both work full time? Or is his plan for you to take on all the personal financial risk as well as the sleep deprivation?

What would be his plan should, for whatever reason, DC bottle feed?