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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you wouldn’t openly slate someone’s home to them

60 replies

KiaCar · 04/05/2018 19:09

I am a bit sensitive about my house we brought on a newbuild estate and parking has become an issue as well as neighbours noisy kids.
Therefore don’t think I made a great choice in hindsight, however it cost a lot of money and it’s our house for now.
In the last week I’ve had 4 separate people past negative invited comments such as ‘they’re so packed in’
Couldn’t live here no privacy’
‘Gardens small isn’t it’
I wouldn’t dream of being so rude about someone’s home- yet people including my friends are happy to slate mine.
Can’t believe people are so bloody rude.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 04/05/2018 19:11

They don't sound like very nice friends

bobstersmum · 04/05/2018 19:13

No I can't believe the cheek of some people, there is just absolutely no need to pass negative comments on someone's home like that. It's just rude

Pfftlife · 04/05/2018 19:13

Cheeky buggers. Yes it's rude, give them 'The look' Hmm when they make a cheeky comment. And make sure you aren't putting your house and estate down in front of them or they will feel they have the right to start telling you what they think

Original poster
KiaCar · 04/05/2018 19:14

This was 4 separate occasions not a collective slagging off- latest one today which surprised was not expecting that

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 04/05/2018 19:15

Some people have to criticise others to make themselves feel better. Ignore them.

This might not be your 'forever' house but you are on the property ladder in a house which is presumably in good condition as it's new, and all houses have different flaws and merits - it sounds as though you are doing very well for yourselves - might your so-called friends be envious?

Kingsclerelass · 04/05/2018 19:16

Has it occurred to you that they may be jealous of your new, clean, perfect plaster home with no rottting windows or over grown garden?
I find people tend to be rude because they want to put you down, because you have something better than them.
So I wouldn’t worry about to be honest Smile

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/05/2018 19:18

Some people need to remember the old saying - if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!

I would not dream of being so critical about someone’s home.

gluteustothemaximus · 04/05/2018 19:19

My family were like this. So rude!

Unless you have tonnes of cash, you have to compromise on location/size of house/size of garden (if you have one)/parking etc etc

For someone to comment on your house like that, when you can't move, when you realise yourself that it's not 'perfect'....I'd be re-thinking the friendships.

With friends like that, who needs enemies...

Maybe try the MN 'did you mean to be so rude?' Grin

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 04/05/2018 19:21

They are definitely just jealous. No one would be that rude if they really didn't like it, they'd keep it to themselves.

comaawakening · 04/05/2018 19:25

I've had people make negative comments about our old house (which I loved). I'm with you, I just can't believe people would be so rude. I would never pass any negative comment on someone's home!

SayNoToCarrots · 04/05/2018 19:26

I think people say things like that to reassure themselves that they are happy with their decision not to bring a new build. They probably think you are secure in your decision and don't realise how upsetting it is for you.

icelolly99 · 04/05/2018 19:27

What you've quoted Op are what I think of new houses but I wouldn't voice that to any friend who may choose to live in one.

user1499786242 · 04/05/2018 19:31

Jealousy 1million percent

Original poster
KiaCar · 04/05/2018 19:31

Exactly lolly I know lots of people think this about new builds but you’d be able to keep it to yourself it’s like they are compelled to pass judgement

OP posts:
IamPickleRick · 04/05/2018 19:35

My friend would say stuff like this to me all the time when we both lived in flats. My flat wasn’t actually horrible, it was just too small for us and that’s what I used to moan about.

“Yes well we looked at one like yours and decided the loft was too small”
The one she picked doesn’t have a loft
“We didn’t like the garden, it’s so overgrown”
The one she picked doesn’t have a garden
“Your bedrooms are so small though”
Mmm... checked the square footage on rightmove after that one and we have 20 extra square foot so frankly she can piss off.

Just talk about the good things that you love about it and people won’t think it’s ok to slate it.

aaarrrggghhhh · 04/05/2018 19:39

Some people have to criticise others to make themselves feel better.

This

Ruffian · 04/05/2018 19:43

YANBU , that's really crass. Have you complained about the house/neighbourhood to them? Perhaps they felt that gave them carte blanche to bitch about it?

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 04/05/2018 19:43

People think new builds are fair game to slag off I’m afraid, you see it on here all the time, I think people think it’s perfectly acceptable to slate them to your face even if you live in one, it’s become a bit of a sport I think. Try not to let it upset you and unless they live in detached georgian rectory set in 5 acres with no near neighbours who are they to judge? And even if they did it’s just plain nasty.

Juells · 04/05/2018 19:44

teehee when I moved in to the first house my ex and I bought - again a new build on an estate - a carpet fitter came to lay the carpets. He looked around and sniffed and said "Shockin' little boxes, aren't they?" in a real conversational tone of voice, like I was supposed to agree with him. 😂

PinkBuffalo · 04/05/2018 19:47

YANBU Shock
I can't believe people have actually said that!
Don't listen to them OP.
If it helps, I've just exchanged on a complete wreck that I didn't realise til I got the survey, but it's all I could afford. I am fully expecting my friends when they come round to say it's lovely ( amongst all the damp).
As I would for my friends. Even if they bought a shed to live in, you'd say it was great wouldn't you. It's what you do when someone has saved for years and finally managed to buy.

TheHandmaidsTail · 04/05/2018 19:51

I have a friend who is generally lovely, honestly, but when she's jealous she always comes out with something mean. It's involuntary. She has a very weird family dynamic, and I feel for her as it is deffo being jealous.

I like my house, so if someone has a bigger/better house I am quite comfortable telling them it is beautiful/wow/you're so lucky as I am content with my lot. She isn't so she struggles. That's what's happening here imo unhappy people being mean.

caringcarer · 04/05/2018 19:52

Your friends don't sound like nice people. It is your home and they should show some respect for it.

SpectacularAardvark · 04/05/2018 19:52

People are twats, ignore them. Wine At least you have a garden, we don't and there is plenty more about our house to mock, I've heard it all before.
I keep trying to remember how lucky I am to have a house, however small and crap but it does get irritating.

SaltireSaltire · 04/05/2018 19:54

People could pass the exact same comments if you lived in a Victorian terrace, block of flats or cottage!
It's not about a new build (some are huge, have big gardens and with lots of space between them) - it's about rude people just being rude.

NewYearNewMe18 · 04/05/2018 19:54

They are expressing a preference for the surroundings.

Slagging off would be your choice of carpets or furniture.

I once worked for a national chain of house builders and I wouldn't live on a new estate either