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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my boss & colleuages are having a good ol' laugh behind my back.

69 replies

WingerGitch · 04/05/2018 10:57

Okay so bit of backstory first to try to avoid dripfeeding.
I'm 7 months pregnant, had a LOT of time off due to morning sickness/ hyperemesis.
Tend to be okay for the first bit of the morning then progressively get worse in the hours leading up to midday. I've been sent home A LOT halfway through the day due to spending too much time puking.

Not even bothering to pretend they're not.
Colleague C said to B this morning- oo did you tell her about the part time employee? Grin chuckled and walked off.
Boss and B kept laughing between themselves for a good five minutes before one turned round and said "o come on, we have to tell her". Basically they had someone in for an interview and when telling them about the structure of the workplace Colleague B "accidentally" referred to my desk as "the part timer". Hilarious.

Now its getting silly. I popped to the loo thanks to my increasingly squished bladder- walked back into the office as Boss was saying "C has bets on half 11, I have bets on 12".
I asked what they were betting on and Boss simply replied
"If I tell you I'll have to kill you"
Clearly not willing to tell me- because its a reference to my recent half sick days and the times I leave?!
Prepared to be told I'm just over thinking this and I'm over emotional anyway thanks to hormones- but need clarification. I feel singled out and like I'm being mocked for having had so much time off. I always thought it was better to show face at work then leave if needed- apparently this has made me a thing to bet on.

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 04/05/2018 11:00

The Equality Act gives you protection at work against this kind of bullying; get on to ACAS today and get their support.
You are not over thinking this or over reacting.

The Acas helpline number is 0300 123 1100. It is available Monday 8am-8pm, Tuesday 8am-6pm, Wednesday to Thursday 8am-8pm, Friday 8am-6pm and Saturday 9am-1pm.

www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=2042

StormTreader · 04/05/2018 11:01

Maybe they would prefer you to be in the office, puking at your desk?

"I think you need to go home"
"No no" blech "I wouldn"retch"t want you t"vom"o start making yo"hork"ur little jokes again."

BuntyII · 04/05/2018 11:04

That's annoying but I suppose it would be surprising if no one ever passed comment on it. You should go off sick and see how funny it is when they're left in the lurch.

Shitterton · 04/05/2018 11:05

I had terrible 'morning' sickness and was ridiculed. It's grossly unfair. Some people who are fortunate to get it either lightly, just for a few weeks or not at all seem to lack empathy for those who are not so fortunate. It's absolutely debilitating and frustrating to have it and then the added stress of having to defend yourself is just awful. I feel for you. Try not to let it stress you, do what you need to do to get your paid maternity leave and then make plans to leave. My boss once said to me "Well, my wife never had it" and I'm still unsure what to do with that information 14 years on! What a twat!

LoniceraJaponica · 04/05/2018 11:09

It's bullying pure and simple. Your workmates are vile. Do you have an HR department you can talk to? Or talk to ACAS.

One of my work colleagues had a terrible pregnancy last year, very similar to yours. She received nothing but support from us. She is back at work now (post baby), and back to her usual sunny self.

LadyPenelopeCantDance · 04/05/2018 11:10

They sound horrible OP. They are treating you very badly due to your pregnancy.

I suggest you face them directly and ask if they have a problem with your absences due to being preganant and remind them that it would be illegal to treat you differently due to this.

As per PP, I would speak to ACAS for official advice.

Original poster
WingerGitch · 04/05/2018 11:17

Thank you all so much for your kind words, I honestly thought it was just me reading into things too much and then overreacting.
On the verge of tears reading some of these comments- you know when you've been convincing yourself its just all in your head then to have multiple people saying "no, actually, this is wrong" is SUCH a relief.
Think I will be getting in touch with ACAS for official advice Smile

Only a few months left here though!

OP posts:
mzcracker · 04/05/2018 11:21

They sound like horrible dicks!
As a sufferer of hg I could barely leave the house so you're doing amazingly getting into work and keeping going!
It's bullying and it's unnecessary I'm sorry you're going through this on top of feeling so sick x

princessdaffodil · 04/05/2018 11:23

I had severe hyperemesis through my pregnancy and was hardly in work through my pregnancy but I work with lovely people who were very supportive throughout. I ended up having to start my maternity leave early as I was admitted to hospital for the 6th time and couldn't face tge thought of going back in again.

The way you have been treated is disgusting I cant believe they would say that you cant help it I am sure you would give anything to not feel like this. Do you have a HR office you can contact? I agree that this is bullyingThanks. I hope you feel better soon

thoughtyousaidgin · 04/05/2018 11:23

Look up a charity called "pregnant then screwed" - they have a free advice line and are really friendly and helpful x

TomRavenscroft · 04/05/2018 11:24

Thank you all so much for your kind words, I honestly thought it was just me reading into things too much and then overreacting.

No you weren't. I see you're going to contact ACAS, but wanted to add my support anyway. Can you report all this to HR too?

Thebluedog · 04/05/2018 11:27

It’s workplace bullying and you are not over reacting. It’s very very unprofessional and unkind to treat you this way.

Go straight to HR or ACAS

Original poster
WingerGitch · 04/05/2018 11:29

Colleague B has now confirmed they were in fact betting on what time I'd go home sick today.

WIBU to sod them all and just leave even though today is a good day?

If I get HR involved then the remainder of my time here will truly be shit.
Learnt that from when Colleague X tried to get help from HR for belittling in the workplace. Resulted in him leaving with no notice. Over a year later and various people still 'joke' about his "flakiness". (He wasn't, he was lovely).

OP posts:
BlueSapp · 04/05/2018 11:29

These people are horrible horrible people I hope you do consider going off sick, taking your maternity leave and find another job for after where you can be rid of these dicks

LisaSimpsonsbff · 04/05/2018 11:31

This is really horrible - and it wasn't some sort of accident, slip of the tongue or oversight that they revealed these little jokes to you. They wanted you to know that they've been talking about you, hoping that it would make you feel bad and stop 'choosing' to be sick.

BlueSapp · 04/05/2018 11:31

Also tell them straight out they are being rude and you consider this bullying

applesisapple5 · 04/05/2018 11:36

JFC, I had sciatica early in pregnancy and was in and out for weeks, I felt awful anyway but had very understanding coworkers and employer who couldn't have done more. It made it much easier for me to make good choices for myself and rest and relax when I really really needed to. Importantly, when I was at work I was AT WORK and doing my absolute best.
You don't have to put up with this behaviour.

missbonita · 04/05/2018 11:40

I left a job over this, it got worse and worse until my direct manager told my team (when I was off sick) that he'd told me I should 'flush the parasite if she gives a fuck about career progression". That was the final straw and I did not contact them again except thru solicitors.

I won a 5 figure sum in court. His contract was not renewed and he left 3 months later.

abigailsnan · 04/05/2018 11:42

Get yourself off home and make an appointment at your Drs asap.
Get signed off until your maternity leave starts there is nothing these horrible people can do about it.
They are workplace bullies imo after the way they treated your colleague
last year and now have turned on you.
Will you get full pay if you are signed off till paid leave is due.?

SilverDoe · 04/05/2018 11:43

Wow I honestly can't believe their attitude as in they think this is even funny???

I was terribly ill with my daughter, for nearly 5 months of my pregnancy before it let up. I had a week off and came back, sat at my desk and was in tears already as I felt so awful. It really makes you suffer and feel drained and horrible, my manager took me aside, gave me a hug, told me to go home and to do what I could until I felt better.

I fully expect that there were some comments behind my back from certain assholes people who assume everyone should crawl into work with amputated limbs rather than take time off, but if anybody had actually laughed about it, and to my face no less, I would have given them guttural, hormone driven hell.

Am very angry on your behalf OP, and hope you realise how out of line this is Angry

Original poster
WingerGitch · 04/05/2018 11:46

Unfortunately I can't just leave and get signed off till mat leave- they only pay stat sick pay and that is pittance. I can't really afford to be off at all- that's partly why I make such an effort to make it in for at least half the day. I thought that was the 'right thing' to do. Sadly it's only resulted in me being mocked. And not discreetly.
@missbonita
That is absolutely disgusting- I hope that 5 figure sum made a serious dent in his pocket. If anything like that was said I'd be off like a shot!

OP posts:
Mightymucks · 04/05/2018 11:47

That’s total discrimination.

Justaboy · 04/05/2018 11:47

Best of british managment eh?, world class wankers pardon the word;(

missbonita · 04/05/2018 11:50

It was a major UK utility company - no dent in their pocket but terror of the media finding out about their appalling sexism and HR's refusal to deal with it because the man was top tier manager. It was disgusting and I have since set up my own business (using the payout) so no one can ever make me feel so insecure and anxious again. The bullying started the way you describe but ramped up when I complained.

I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well.

KnightofWands · 04/05/2018 11:52

Hardly bullying but extremely insensitive and exhibits a lack of understanding and consideration for colleagues. You would think some senior manager (of whatever gender) would give them a shake up and suggest the puerile and insensitive nonsense cease.