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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my boss & colleuages are having a good ol' laugh behind my back.

69 replies

WingerGitch · 04/05/2018 10:57

Okay so bit of backstory first to try to avoid dripfeeding.
I'm 7 months pregnant, had a LOT of time off due to morning sickness/ hyperemesis.
Tend to be okay for the first bit of the morning then progressively get worse in the hours leading up to midday. I've been sent home A LOT halfway through the day due to spending too much time puking.

Not even bothering to pretend they're not.
Colleague C said to B this morning- oo did you tell her about the part time employee? Grin chuckled and walked off.
Boss and B kept laughing between themselves for a good five minutes before one turned round and said "o come on, we have to tell her". Basically they had someone in for an interview and when telling them about the structure of the workplace Colleague B "accidentally" referred to my desk as "the part timer". Hilarious.

Now its getting silly. I popped to the loo thanks to my increasingly squished bladder- walked back into the office as Boss was saying "C has bets on half 11, I have bets on 12".
I asked what they were betting on and Boss simply replied
"If I tell you I'll have to kill you"
Clearly not willing to tell me- because its a reference to my recent half sick days and the times I leave?!
Prepared to be told I'm just over thinking this and I'm over emotional anyway thanks to hormones- but need clarification. I feel singled out and like I'm being mocked for having had so much time off. I always thought it was better to show face at work then leave if needed- apparently this has made me a thing to bet on.

OP posts:
Justaboy · 04/05/2018 11:53

I have since set up my own business (using the payout) so no one can ever make me feel so insecure and anxious again.

Good for you missbonita, hope it is a sucess for you well done:)

abigailsnan · 04/05/2018 11:55

How long do you have to go before you can leave on full maternity pay OPs.?

Original poster
WingerGitch · 04/05/2018 11:57

@missbonita
Glad he didn't keep his job though. What a vile thing to say to anyone.
I think thats one of the reasons I'm scared to report to HR- they're based miles away so it'd all be over the phone reporting as opposed to having an actual person here with me- then it would probably escalate things here and make it so much worse- just like it did with ex colleague.

OP posts:
Original poster
WingerGitch · 04/05/2018 12:00

Just over 30 working days before mat leave starts- this makes me feel a lot better about being here now!
Not long at all- just going to keep a note of anything nasty said from now on.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/05/2018 12:01

Specifically this bit
"Your employer must take all reasonable steps to make sure that you do not experience any unfavourable treatment because of your pregnancy. After you have raised your concerns with a manager or human resources department, your employer should involve investigate what has happened and take action to prevent future harassment. If your employer does not take any action, you have to decide whether to make a formal grievance and if that does not resolve the situation, decide whether you wish to make a claim of discrimination to an Employment Tribunal."

Sorry, pressed post too soon!

CaMePlaitPas · 04/05/2018 12:02

This happened to me, I was forced to quit my job because I couldn't handle the HG and working full time. I had two women bosses who had families of their own - in my naivety I believed that they might understand. Have a word with HR and your GP too, mine was very supportive. Good luck.

pigmcpigface · 04/05/2018 12:02

I would like to take people like this, give them a dose of Antabuse, and then half a bottle of wine. And then make loud comments when they need to go home.

They're just fuckers, OP. This is bullying. Get HR involved.

missbonita · 04/05/2018 12:04

Reporting it and finding out what the organisation that employed me really thought of me was honestly one of the best things that has happened to me. I am hardworking, loyal and a good employee - if I hadn't gone thru this I have no doubt I would still be there but this forced my hand and I was immediately happier. Sometimes you need someone else to tell you
"you don't have to do this any more"

They might like having a scapegoat to laugh at and blame if productivity slumps but they won't like a tribunal and a write up in the press and I would remind them of this. Don't be scared of the bullies it empowers them.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 04/05/2018 12:10

Hardly bullying but extremely insensitive and exhibits a lack of understanding and consideration for colleagues.

What's your definition of bullying, if this isn't it?

KitKat1985 · 04/05/2018 12:16

Don't go home in future, stay and puke on their desks repeatedly. Grin

Original poster
WingerGitch · 04/05/2018 12:17

@ThumbWitchesAbroad
" your employer should involve investigate what has happened and take action to prevent future harassment."

My boss is my employer- she's the one making the majority of the comments...

OP posts:
freddomonster · 04/05/2018 12:18

What absolute wankers. I'd seriously make a formal report on bullying to HR. I would also then take a bowl in to puke at my desk around everyone else. I'm sure the "hilarity" of it all would soon wear off when they're smelling stomach contents whilst replying to emails.

Pregnancy sickness is no joke. It can be utterly debilitating.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/05/2018 12:20

In which case, Winger, you might have to go directly to the grievance option.

WhendoIgetadayoff · 04/05/2018 12:23

That’s awful and it’s wrong. Especially if your boss involved. Go to HR or over boss head to her manager or acas if in small place. And look at joining a union. If they’re like this when pregnant and working you don’t want any crap when you’re back from mat leave and you should have that support.

And remind them you’re growing a human who in 25 years will be paying taxes for their pensions and filling jobs in the care homes they will be in.

MissionItsPossible · 04/05/2018 12:34

@missbonita

I am very rarely actually like Shock when I use that face but I was when I read your comment. I actually can't believe someone would say that. I would have got myself sacked by lashing out and punching them.

MissionItsPossible · 04/05/2018 12:35

Sorry OP but that comment above just threw me off. I was meant to say take the general advice here and contact ACAS. Nasty, spiteful behaviour. Not to mention immature and extremely rude.

TomRavenscroft · 04/05/2018 12:37

If I get HR involved then the remainder of my time here will truly be shit.
Learnt that from when Colleague X tried to get help from HR for belittling in the workplace. Resulted in him leaving with no notice.

Talk to ACAS. And think about lawyering up.

Bramble71 · 04/05/2018 12:40

Passing comment once wouldn't be surprising, but to repeatedly make reference to it, to label you and to even joke about it to someone you've never met is not on. Full stop.

Have you asked them to stop? If not, I would do so; telling them you feel it is unreasonable. Then you'll have to give them a chance to comply. If they continue, then I think you have a case for a complaint and would need to involve your union (if you're in one) and your HR department/person. If they then make your life miserable, you really do have a serious case for discrimination, I think.

I can only imagine the misery of hyperemesis. I hope things start to improve soon for you.

Original poster
WingerGitch · 04/05/2018 12:42

Thank you again everyone for your advice and support- felt like I was going a bit mad in overthinking things but after writing it all down and reading it back I can see things from the other side- this is unacceptable behavior and nobody should have to put up with it. Granted there are worse situations but there really is no excuse.
This is unprofessional and should never have begun in the first place. Will definitely be talking to ACAS.

OP posts:
Bettiedraper · 04/05/2018 12:42

WIBU to sod them all and just leave even though today is a good day?

Don't go home if you're not ill—you'll just be giving them ammunition.

Original poster
WingerGitch · 04/05/2018 12:46

@Bramble71
The odd comment or even lighthearted joke about me having lots of time off is almost expected- but not this.
I haven't directly asked them to stop- I made it clear earlier I knew Boss was talking about me regarding the bets. Everytime something like this is said I sort of clam up, go silent and try to avoid bursting into tears at my desk. Maybe that's another issue to deal with- but I don't want to have to confront my Boss. She should know better.

OP posts:
babymom1875 · 04/05/2018 12:47

I'm planning on TTC in the next couple of months and I'm already worried about this (although lets cross our fingers I don't suffer bad morning sickness!).

I feel in general there will be comments made about me going out for scans and apts because I have heard it happen about another colleague previously - a colleague who by the way is extremely hard working.

It's a real shame you're having to worry about this whilst dealing with sickness and I really hope you can get some justice here because what they're doing is bullying and it's not remotely funny. X

Original poster
WingerGitch · 04/05/2018 12:47

@Bettiedraper
I won't actually go home if I'm not ill enough- I'm staying to spite them and make sure they lose their stupid little bets Grin

OP posts:
flumpybear · 04/05/2018 12:50

Vomit in your bin then ask if there's a bet on who goes to the toilet next or who is the next person to get divorced .... perhaps highlighting their inappropriate behaviour 🧐