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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband was an arsehole to me last night wasn't he?

94 replies

BossyPaws · 04/05/2018 07:09

We're away for our anniversary.

Yesterday we got up at 3.30am for our flight. He managed to nap on the plane and again had a nap when we got to hotel. I didn't sleep at all yesterday. Plus I'm on quetiapine which knocks you out an hour or so after taking them.

Even so I managed to get out on a night out with him (drinking, cos that's all he ever wants to do) and a meal. It got to 9pm and I'm seriously starting to flag. But I kept my spirits up and tried to go on as long as possible. Idea was that due to our early morning flight we would have an early night yesterday and catch up on some intimacy as that has been seriously lacking lately - his choice, he never wants sex and has a variety of excuse (tires, kids can hear us, has had too much to drink etc etc).

But as he'd managed to nap, and then got a few drinks into him, he wanted to stay out getting hammered instead. I lasted until 10pm and then really couldn't stay out any longer, I was practically falling asleep in the bars.

He tends to be an arse hole when drunk at the best of times so I wasn't surprised when he started saying shit like "typical, away in holiday and you want an early night", "you're not enjoying your night out with me" "why you in a mood" etc etc ... none of which I reacted to.

We got to hotel and instead of going to room he wanted us to go to top of hotel to take photos. He got arsey when I said I was too tired so I went along with it to keep the peace. As he was drunk he kept taking the photo wrong and redoing it, my patience ran out so I just got back in lift and said I was going back to room. He put a face on and did his little boy sulking act of standing with his head down,muttering "oh ok, guess that's night over then, I see you hate me" etc etc ... again I didn't react.

Got back, got into bed, he put game of thrones on tv loudly. Then starts playing on the iPad. I think "ok, make the effort bossypaws" and suggest he comes to bed with me so we can enjoy a bit of "us time". He says "in a minute". Continues watching tv. Keeps iPad in hand.

Now we've not had sex for a long time. It's our anniversary ffs and I started to keep offended and frustrated that yet again, I was being rejected in favour of shit TV, iPhones/iPads and alcohol. I tried again to "seduce him" into giving me his attention (I know I shouldn't have bothered at this point but I'm fucking frustrated and desperate) and he goes off on one saying I'm clearly too tired for sex and didn't enjoy the night out and was in a mood - basically just trying to turn everything onto me. I thought as it's our anniversary I should try and keep the peace so went to give him a hug and tried to explain I was just upset that he never seems to wan intimacy. He pushed me away, told me to fuck of numerous times and said I was boring. He said I'd ruined the night by been in a mood all night (totally untrue) and made it clear that I didn't want to go out (again untrue). He carries on telling me to fuck off and calling me boring until I'm crying. Then he shags me.

It was shit as he hurt me. Probably not intentionally as he was drunk but I cant help thinking he was "angry shagging" if that makes sense?

I've woken up this mornings so fucking angry. I've had to beg my husband for sex and when he eventually decides to give in, its after swearing at me and insulting me.

He's woken up nice as pie as if nothing has happened. Happy fucking anniversary.

OP posts:
SecretSantaaaaaa · 04/05/2018 12:14

Please leave him.

Does he have ANY good qualities?

Leave him and have some time to yourself then go find a man that will love you and appreciate you.

Justmuddlingalong · 04/05/2018 12:18

Leave. Then that'll be an anniversary to really celebrate in the future.

Waitedtoolong · 04/05/2018 21:30

Don’t wait until your 38th anniversary like I did!!

SleepingStandingUp · 10/05/2018 16:03

He carries on telling me to fuck off and calling me boring until I'm crying. Then he shags me
OP did you consent or did he just do what he wanted? I really think you need some rl suport and you need to work out how to leave. Being alone will be far better for you than staying with this man

BossyPaws · 10/05/2018 16:06

I consented.

Thanks for all the replies on this thread, I just realised I never came back to it.

OP posts:
Cath2907 · 10/05/2018 16:11

Drinking at 6am??????????????????

I like a good holiday but that is madness!

tigercub50 · 10/05/2018 16:25

Can you fly home before he does? Leave him there to drink himself into a stupor. Or are you only there for a short time? So sorry you are being so badly treated 💐

MrsTommyBanks · 10/05/2018 16:31

Please leave him Flowers

yawning801 · 10/05/2018 16:35

Please make that one your last anniversary. You deserve so much more, I promise you.

Orangecake123 · 10/05/2018 16:38

I'm angry on your behalf. You deserve so much better than this waste of space. Please leave him. Nobody says it will be easy but one day you will thank yourself for it.

balsamicbarbara · 10/05/2018 16:45

calling me boring until I'm crying. Then he shags me. It was shit as he hurt me.

Listen up, this guy is a scumbag of the highest order and even if you don't want to leave him (and I think you should!) you need a serious talk with him and lay your cards on the table that you aren't going to put up with this shit any longer.

Petitepamplemousse · 10/05/2018 16:51

Abusive dickhead.

Lupercalia · 10/05/2018 16:54

Jesus.

Just leave.

Munchyseeds · 10/05/2018 16:57

I would have been on the first plane home and had his stuff bagged up waiting for him on his return
Please find the strength to get rid!

FellOutOfBed2wice · 10/05/2018 17:05

I think I might be this guys ex. There’s a reason that guy- even if he isn’t your husband- is my ex. Run like the fucking wind.

Likejellytots88 · 10/05/2018 17:19

Sorry your in this position. Either go home early (without him) or try to enjoy the rest of your holiday (again without him) then once home get your ducks in a row and toss him aside. He clearly has zero respect for you. Save yourself some time by photocopying the XW divorce papers!
If you don't want to leave him (why wouldn't you?) then he needs a right good smack in the face and to learn his behaviour isn't acceptable, though I highly doubt that would work if he's an addict, that's a tough nut to crack if he's not willing enough to change.

Strongmummy · 10/05/2018 17:25

He sounds very much like my father who is an abusive alcoholic. My advice, go elsewhere for sex, enjoy it, get divorced. In that order x

EmmaC78 · 10/05/2018 17:27

I felt really sad for you reading your post OP. You deserve to be treated so much better. He really does sound awful.

ReallyWTF · 16/05/2018 20:29

Take Strongmummy's advice!

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