Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband was an arsehole to me last night wasn't he?

94 replies

BossyPaws · 04/05/2018 07:09

We're away for our anniversary.

Yesterday we got up at 3.30am for our flight. He managed to nap on the plane and again had a nap when we got to hotel. I didn't sleep at all yesterday. Plus I'm on quetiapine which knocks you out an hour or so after taking them.

Even so I managed to get out on a night out with him (drinking, cos that's all he ever wants to do) and a meal. It got to 9pm and I'm seriously starting to flag. But I kept my spirits up and tried to go on as long as possible. Idea was that due to our early morning flight we would have an early night yesterday and catch up on some intimacy as that has been seriously lacking lately - his choice, he never wants sex and has a variety of excuse (tires, kids can hear us, has had too much to drink etc etc).

But as he'd managed to nap, and then got a few drinks into him, he wanted to stay out getting hammered instead. I lasted until 10pm and then really couldn't stay out any longer, I was practically falling asleep in the bars.

He tends to be an arse hole when drunk at the best of times so I wasn't surprised when he started saying shit like "typical, away in holiday and you want an early night", "you're not enjoying your night out with me" "why you in a mood" etc etc ... none of which I reacted to.

We got to hotel and instead of going to room he wanted us to go to top of hotel to take photos. He got arsey when I said I was too tired so I went along with it to keep the peace. As he was drunk he kept taking the photo wrong and redoing it, my patience ran out so I just got back in lift and said I was going back to room. He put a face on and did his little boy sulking act of standing with his head down,muttering "oh ok, guess that's night over then, I see you hate me" etc etc ... again I didn't react.

Got back, got into bed, he put game of thrones on tv loudly. Then starts playing on the iPad. I think "ok, make the effort bossypaws" and suggest he comes to bed with me so we can enjoy a bit of "us time". He says "in a minute". Continues watching tv. Keeps iPad in hand.

Now we've not had sex for a long time. It's our anniversary ffs and I started to keep offended and frustrated that yet again, I was being rejected in favour of shit TV, iPhones/iPads and alcohol. I tried again to "seduce him" into giving me his attention (I know I shouldn't have bothered at this point but I'm fucking frustrated and desperate) and he goes off on one saying I'm clearly too tired for sex and didn't enjoy the night out and was in a mood - basically just trying to turn everything onto me. I thought as it's our anniversary I should try and keep the peace so went to give him a hug and tried to explain I was just upset that he never seems to wan intimacy. He pushed me away, told me to fuck of numerous times and said I was boring. He said I'd ruined the night by been in a mood all night (totally untrue) and made it clear that I didn't want to go out (again untrue). He carries on telling me to fuck off and calling me boring until I'm crying. Then he shags me.

It was shit as he hurt me. Probably not intentionally as he was drunk but I cant help thinking he was "angry shagging" if that makes sense?

I've woken up this mornings so fucking angry. I've had to beg my husband for sex and when he eventually decides to give in, its after swearing at me and insulting me.

He's woken up nice as pie as if nothing has happened. Happy fucking anniversary.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 04/05/2018 07:28

Do you think he's an alcoholic OP?
Either way you need to end it with him.

AnyFucker · 04/05/2018 07:28

Leave him

LastOneDancing · 04/05/2018 07:28

*nothing more boring than an alcoholic

BossyPaws · 04/05/2018 07:28

After a huge argument a few years where he was emotionally and verbally abusive (including singing a song from my grandads funeral we'd been to that week), I dug out his divorce papers from ex wife. I felt sick when I read her account of his behaviour as I could have wrote it myself. Verbally and emotionally abusive, heavy drinker, withholds intimacy to punish her, constantly tells her how hard he works for her and how she does nothing in return. Word for fucking word what I would write if I was putting divorce papers together.

OP posts:
OrangeKettle · 04/05/2018 07:31

Which you hopefully will be soon...

reddingtn · 04/05/2018 07:33

Well that makes filing your own divorce papers easier as she's done most of the work for you. He sounds awful and you're not happy. You deserve so much better Flowers

MadMags · 04/05/2018 07:33

Well then copy them word for word and get the fuck away from him.

I don’t want to pry, but what you’ve said about the sex has left me really uncomfortable. I hope you’re ok.

BossyPaws · 04/05/2018 07:35

Im ok. I was sexually abused as a kid (which he knows) and have been used and abused by men my entire life so I'm kind of desensitised to it now (I know). I'm awaiting counselling. I blame myself for last night too because I was the one begging for intimacy. It's not even the sex I want, just some fucking attention and affection.

OP posts:
LakieLady · 04/05/2018 07:36

Word for fucking word what I would write if I was putting divorce papers together

Well, that will save you some work when you divorce him!

He's really abusive imo. I'm sorry you're going though this, and hope you find the courage to ltb.

MadMags · 04/05/2018 07:37

Oh Bossy SadFlowers

M0RVEN · 04/05/2018 07:37

You need to go and see a lawyer. Don’t talk to him about it until you are ready to leave him.

Controlling men don’t cope well with their partners disobeying them.

RandomMess · 04/05/2018 07:40

Get your ducks in a row and leave ASAP Thanks

Jaxinthebox · 04/05/2018 07:40

Get out of this toxic relationship! I dont think I have ever used LTB but I am now.

Astella22 · 04/05/2018 07:42

Sounds like he has some serious issues OP.
What went on last night is completely unacceptable on every level.
I hope you find the strength to realise your worth allot more that this.
Hope you holiday improves.

Dozer · 04/05/2018 07:43

You could seek help from a womens organisation, do the Freedom Programme and attend Al Anon for partners and familes of people with alcohol problems.

Dozer · 04/05/2018 07:44

Definitely LTB.

seventh · 04/05/2018 07:45

''"You may have also noticed that when in an emotionally low place, some people prefer you that way. Yet when you make changes and put yourself in a high vibrating space, those same people don’t like it. They may try to bring you back down and extinguish your inner-light and happiness.

Vibrating in a higher space can repel even those you love. People sense change, whether it is visually apparent or not. And they feel when another has changed or stepped up their frequency.

Not everyone is ready to raise their vibration. Some still have lessons to learn at their level and are not ready to move forwards. And because they are not ready, they may try to draw you back down.

Also, if you don’t feel like a fit to them anymore, it may cause hostility towards you and another reason they are repelled.''"
~ from Elephant Journal

ijustwannadance · 04/05/2018 07:47

You know he's an abusive arsehole and that everything he does is to try to break you. You stopping drinking shows him for the alcoholic he is.

Leave.Flowers

Accountant222 · 04/05/2018 07:48

You need to have a few moody days yourself, if it doesn't work out him.

MrsMozart · 04/05/2018 07:52

Time to step away and have a decent life.

TheWernethWife · 04/05/2018 07:52

I just don't understand people who need to have a drink at the airport in the early hours, can't they bloody wait until they get to their destination. No wonder there are incidents on planes if passengers are tanked up, I wouldn't want to sit near someone stinking of booze.

shammy1b · 04/05/2018 07:56

Fuxk him off the annoying pr*ck omg sounds like my ex..control freak..babes swear down i read a post on here n a lady was getting married to a bloke like yours..in end we talked her outta it the mn crew and she threw him out n within month had more cash got tattoo she longed for..felt and looked amazing..and her social life escalated for the better..he is an abuser and no good for you ir your dcs to be around..hate people like that thinking tgey can push their misery onto us and make our life shite..you have one life hun so prioritise yourself and happiness and well being pleaseeeee..

He is putting you through more than 1 kind of abuse and no human deserves that. Start making plans to save for financial security and get ya sexy ass outta there while he at work and then nc...good luck xxx

Ridiculouslyso · 04/05/2018 08:02

I don't understand the alcohol free flow mentality on holiday either. With the ex wife's statement you know this is him, and absolutely nothing to do with you. It gives you even more validation to leave him.

Your eyes are open now to the kind of person he is, incredibly destructive for you. You deserve so much better. Time to take the first step to the happy life you deserve Flowers

Tapasandwine · 04/05/2018 08:06

Sorry about your situation OP.

For every single thing that you have described, you have put him first, suppressed how you were actually feeling- tired, frustrated, upset, every thing just so as long that he is happy and content, that he is pleased. And yet the more you do this the less grateful he seems to be.

Does your happiness not count? What will the kids learn watching this dynamic? That the woman must always be the one to compromise, make extreme efforts to make her man happy, to her own emotional detriment, whilst the man is allowed to behave in such an entitled way?

He has no respect for you. You have been loving and caring. He has been shit. Stop appeasing him.

Gazelda · 04/05/2018 08:07

Oh Jesus, what a prick. You are unhappy with him, he makes no attempt to make you happy. On the contrary, he seems to get a kick out of abusing you. Please take steps to leave him. You deserve happiness.

Swipe left for the next trending thread