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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go back?

60 replies

crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2018 19:07

NC for this as it's fairly specific...

I had my first NCT class this week and it was a total disaster. Firstly, the lesser issue is that what I was hoping to get out of the class differed so dramatically from everyone else that it probably wouldn't be particularly helpful to go back - several people in the class had 4 weeks or less until their due date but had 0 baby items and no idea about anything, really none at all. Hadn't done birth plans etc. This itself is completely fine/up to them but I am a complete obsessive and I have finished and bought everything/read every baby book known to man so I think it is potentially a waste of time to sit for 10+ more hours to hear about things I have already been told or read or bought.

The main issue however is the instructor. She fed SO MUCH misinformation to the class yesterday that I have 0 faith in anything she says, so how can I take her seriously/trust in what she says? She directly went against what my GP and midwife plus EVERY BOOK has said re several things. E.g taking Lucozade Sport into hospital to keep you hydrated. She was saying they contain caffeine so bad idea. A quick google determines that this is a lie. Or that the average first time active labour is 16 hours, when it's 8. She also ridiculed the idea of eating dates to soften the cervix, although several midwives have recommended it. The list goes on and on. It actually annoys me as people who are not as well informed will just blindly follow her incorrect guidance.

I really wanted to make mummy friends and I was hoping to learn additional information, but as I have no faith in this woman now and I think the class is at a different place, preparation-wise, AIBU to just not return to the class? How would I even explain not returning?

OP posts:
Highhorse1981 · 03/05/2018 19:12

Wow your expectations were high!

I didn’t expect to get genuinely useful info from the instructor. I just rocked up hoping it was a nice group of other couples.

And it was. Huge support, especially over first year. 8 years later, I count one of them as one of my closest friends and we are god mothers to our second children.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 03/05/2018 19:13

It's clearly not for you so don't go back.

If you're there to fact check everything i don't think you'll find it easy to make 'mummy friends'.

Either chill out and see if you have anything in common with any of the other women or find something else.

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2018 19:13

I think my expectations were very high as I had heard such wonderful things, and that's definitely my fault. But I don't think it's unreasonable to have expected the instructor to know what she was talking about...

Do you think it's worth sitting through all the other classes for the sake of making friends then?

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Ohmydayslove · 03/05/2018 19:19

Stop reading books. All childcare books are about making the author cash. They really are a con.

Stop trying to make mummy friends now. Concentrate on what you think is right for you and your birth.

Forget the dates softening your cervix Grin and you don’t need to explain not returning as no one will care and I mean that nicely.

Chill enjoy and go with the flow

Alienspaceship · 03/05/2018 19:19

If you don’t like contradictory information then I’m afraid parenthood isn’t for you Grin

Dontwantanicknamethanks · 03/05/2018 19:21

NCT have a particular doctrine of natural birth which they push in to you hard. It's that bit which annoyed me and I wish I'd had the knowledge to argue against! But despite that, I was told that you do it to make friends, and to take what they say with a pinch of salt. If you are shocked by people who haven't been as well informed as you then I think that will end up being the issue as you may not see them as potential friend. In turn, they may feel that you are too highly strung? Anyway, do it if you like the group, not to learn. It's not for long and it will be a distant memory once babies arrive!

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2018 19:24

Just to say - I didn't even mention to anyone our preparation or having read stuff/heard of stuff because I really did not want to come across as an insufferable know-it-all! I am self-aware enough to know how bloody annoying that would've been!

If you don’t like contradictory information then I’m afraid parenthood isn’t for you

Haha yes I think this goes against my personality quick strongly and I will end up imploding!

Stop reading books. All childcare books are about making the author cash. They really are a con.

Probably very true!!

OP posts:
Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2018 19:26

NCT have a particular doctrine of natural birth which they push in to you hard

Yes, I noticed this as well - particularly water birth! DH asked me if her day job was selling the bloody hospital baths Grin

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Kingsclerelass · 03/05/2018 19:26

The biggest thing I discovered when expecting was that for every piece of advice, there were a dozen others that contradicted it. So the chances of finding a class where the instructor agrees with you on everything is probably nil.
My Nct focussed on how to deal with anxiety, prep for labour, being prepared, and general co-support.
If you can accept that there are lots of different views, NCT is a good way to meet other ladies who will sympathise completely and talk you through your nerves at 10pm on a Tuesday night.
Congratulations & good luck Flowers

Pippa12 · 03/05/2018 19:27

Your going to end up in a frenzy if you continue to have such fixed ideas on parenthood... your labour will be as long as mother nature intends it to be and you could eat all the dates in the world but your cervix will only soften when good and ready. Dont judge the parents who have a more relaxed approach to parenting and do try to stop taking everything you read as gospel... you will find the experiance much less stressful Flowers

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2018 19:29

Pippa12 and Kingsclerelass Thank you both - it sounds like I just need to chill out a lot!

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Quartz2208 · 03/05/2018 19:29

Yes I agree with alienspaceship there will always be two sides to most arguments in parenting.

i think you have overread I have two children and never wrote a detailed birth plan - which given that one had to be an elcs and the other an incredibly quick 2 hour ventouse labour. Most of my parenting has been done without the need to read and they are perfectly fine

NCT is about meeting people - the early stages of parenting can be overwhelmingly lonely and you need people going through the same to get you through

WineGummyBear · 03/05/2018 19:36

Our NCT teacher was a disgrace. She gave us spurious nonsense 'facts' that supported her own view that C sections were to be avoided and home births were the most desirable option.

Along with 7 other couples we gritted our teeth through each session in order to make friends with one another.

7 years on we are all still friends (2 of them are close friends). More significantly we supported one another through the early days.

Having said all that OP, it does sound like your expectations are quite high. If your midwifes and GP ran the sessions they wouldn't necessarily agree on every point.

Fruitcorner123 · 03/05/2018 19:38

The things you have listed aren't really important. For example knowing the length of the average active labour isn't going to change the length of your labour. The date things will be disputable and I don't think it will affect anything of you drink Lucozade sport or not. If she had said anything dangerously wrong I would think you had a point.

If you want to make friends keep going. The friends I made with my first baby are friends for life.

Waterbirths are fab by the way Grin

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2018 19:42

I am explaining the fact thing really poorly I think - of course not everyone will agree on specifics and it's not that this is an "important" point but saying something as a fact eg "Lucozade sport contains caffeine and therefore you shouldn't have it" when this is 100% and undeniably untrue makes me question everything she says. If that makes sense.

It does sound like it's worth it for the friends!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 03/05/2018 19:49

I agree with you re reading the baby books - I felt much more confident in the birth once I knew what was actually happening. Some people prefer to fly by the seat of their pants and others prefer not to know, but it doesn't mean they won't be good friends after the birth.

FizzyGreenWater · 03/05/2018 19:55

I would just have another date and forget about it. Do they have to be Medjool dates? Yum yum

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2018 20:16

FizzyGreenWater

Made me laugh!

OP posts:
applesisapple5 · 03/05/2018 20:20

TBF she probably got confused about Lucozade, maybe was thinking of red bull or something?
One of the books I read suggested coconut water... yeah ok... or lovely Lucozade Grin
Just as you didn't correct her, I imagine a few of the other women there who said they didn't have birth plans or that they didn't have anything prepared may have been reading the room?
Get a whats app group going after the next meeting and youll soon get a better chat going!

TeachesOfPeaches · 03/05/2018 20:29

At my group we learnt how to put a nappy on a doll and how to hold a baby. I made friends though and we are all still in touch 2 years later and have had joint birthday parties each year.

ALiensAbductedMe · 03/05/2018 20:33

You sound like I was ten years ago with my first baby. I read everything and knew every fact, I found it reassuring and couldn't believe every expectant mother didn't want to do the same!

Anyway, I ate so many dates my cervix should have been like soup, still got induced.

I also told the midwife to rip up the birthplan during labour and just get the baby out alive!

Attend the classes if you want, just be glad you are knowledgeable enough to know you can do your own research and reach your own decisions rather than blindly follow everything you are told.

You obviously care alot about doing the best for your child, you are going to ace this motherhood thing! Just don't get caught up too much in the details and guilt trip yourself everytime it's not textbook/you make a mistake, I speak from experience.

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2018 20:33

This is all really lovely advice, thank you so much! I was having a bit of a hormonal meltdown but now I will just relax and go back with a better, calmer attitude. Thanks for not being judgemental everyone, really appreciate it. Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2018 20:37

ALiensAbductedMe

What a kind reply, thank you. And lol about the dates and the birthing plan - good representations of "expectation" vs "reality". It's a shame that you aren't in my NCT! Smile

OP posts:
ALiensAbductedMe · 03/05/2018 20:40

Iay not be in your NCT but PM me anytime! We can compare notes on pregnancy and labour facts 😂

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2018 20:43

ALiensAbductedMe

Haha thank you - I will take you up on that!

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