To not want to go back?

[crispysausagerolls]

NC for this as it's fairly specific...

I had my first NCT class this week and it was a total disaster. Firstly, the lesser issue is that what I was hoping to get out of the class differed so dramatically from everyone else that it probably wouldn't be particularly helpful to go back - several people in the class had 4 weeks or less until their due date but had 0 baby items and no idea about anything, really none at all. Hadn't done birth plans etc. This itself is completely fine/up to them but I am a complete obsessive and I have finished and bought everything/read every baby book known to man so I think it is potentially a waste of time to sit for 10+ more hours to hear about things I have already been told or read or bought.

The main issue however is the instructor. She fed SO MUCH misinformation to the class yesterday that I have 0 faith in anything she says, so how can I take her seriously/trust in what she says? She directly went against what my GP and midwife plus EVERY BOOK has said re several things. E.g taking Lucozade Sport into hospital to keep you hydrated. She was saying they contain caffeine so bad idea. A quick google determines that this is a lie. Or that the average first time active labour is 16 hours, when it's 8. She also ridiculed the idea of eating dates to soften the cervix, although several midwives have recommended it. The list goes on and on. It actually annoys me as people who are not as well informed will just blindly follow her incorrect guidance.

I really wanted to make mummy friends and I was hoping to learn additional information, but as I have no faith in this woman now and I think the class is at a different place, preparation-wise, AIBU to just not return to the class? How would I even explain not returning?

Agree with all the others. The points where you disagree with the teacher are not overly significant or worth getting worked up about.
If reading and researching during pregnancy makes you feel better then go ahead but keep in mind that your baby has not read the book and won't necessarily follow it!

NCT is known for being very pro natural birth. As a paediatrician, I was really frustrated by the way they fixated on the extremely rare side effects of an epidural (such as paralysis) without even mentioning the common ones like low blood pressure. Really misleading to scare women when an epidural is a godsend if they've been in labour for 24+ hours and have barely dilated. Likewise with their scare stories of c sections - unfortunately some of you will need them no matter what was in the birth plan and practical advice is much more useful.

However, grit your teeth and spend time getting to know the others, you will all be in this together in a few months and the contacts are honestly a godsend when you don't know if what you're doing is right or not. Hopefully you will get lucky and also become really good friends - we have done and I am so glad for it. We met every week without fail whilst on mat leave and now we are back at work, we have monthly mums dinners and the dads go on nights outs together too.

I never went to any classes I just dealt with it as it came along lol but yes I read a lot which I think helped

I agree that the main benefit to Nct is making friends, it really was invaluable for me in that respect, having a group of people going through the same as you and understanding what you were going through...and having people to meet up and do things with! In terms of the info given; the instructor was very nice but of the 6 of us, only one had a natural birth without intervention, yet all of us would say we had a positive birth experience - which was definitely not the message we were getting would happen in class! I'd definitely try another session and hope that you get lucky with your fellow parents to be!

I didn’t particularly agree with everything that was taught at my NCT class but the friendships I made from there were completely invaluable. We didn’t all quite click at first during the sessions but once we had all had our babies we were like a lifeline to one another for a good 18 months. I was also pretty clued up about everything but it was a good opportunity for my husband to hear everything too. Stick it out and make sure to provide accurate feedback afterwards!

You sound like my bill and wife who with PFB announced that they'd practiced their breathing so wouldn't need any other pain relief as they knew exactly what to do.
After a very long labour they were glad to take anything available.

My nct classes were a fat load of use when it came to childbirth. However I liked the instructor and ended up giving her baby clothes when she unexpectedly fell pregnant. My group all loved my flapjacks and three of them are now my favourite people.
I don't think softening a cervix with dates ever entered the conversation.
I would put the books away, have a large decaf tea and try to chill out. I think the reason people rave about nct is that, if they are lucky, they meet some like minded people who will salvage their sanity during the first 12 months of the babies existence.

Only three things I can add to what everyone else has said.

The best birth plan you can have is to accept that you quite possibly won't get the birth you imagined. It will probably be fine anyway.

Insist they help you not to be constipated. That way you can spend the third week of your baby's life with the baby instead of on the toilet wondering why your poo has turned into wine corks.

Be brave and go to the mother and baby groups. Try not to compare yourself and your baby to everyone else. Health visitors are not all bad and PND is a thing and it's ok to plead for help because you think you're going mad.

You'll be grand

Mybabystolemysanity

That all sounds like excellent advice, especially the second point! Thank you

Okay... One more

If you want to breastfeed, read and watch everything you can. Learn as much as you can beforehand and don't feel you have failed if it doesn't work for you. I was naïve enough to think it would be the most natural thing in the world. Was it heck.

Thanks crispy

It's been the hardest 16 months of my life. I swear I didn't know what hard work was before DD. Also very rewarding (sometimes)...

Number two is coming soon and I am secretly beyond excited about doing it again minus the pointless angst I had with number 1.

I would like to point out that your baby probably hasn't been reading the same books as you.

It'll be hard, but you'll be fine

Mybabystolemysanity

Congratulations on baby no. 2! Funnily enough with the actual labour and the breastfeeding I am really trying to just have a "whatever will be will be" attitude, because I realise you can't plan any of that stuff. Or anything with a baby! I'm just obsessive about doing the things I can do extensively, so that if all else goes tits up and I have a baby who doesn't sleep or fed and wants to cry and poo all the time I can take comfort in knowing I tried 😂🙈 I'm sure there's nothing as naive as a first timer before the bundle of joy actually arrives!

I wrote a lovely birth plan for my first and ended up having an emcs. Not what my NCt teacher hoped for. But I met several really good friends at NCT and ten years on, we are still good friends, go on holiday with our kids together etc . Second time around I had no birth plan, just went with the flow and had a VBAC. But the NCT group second time around didn’t work for me, I was in a different place to the first time mums. Most people go there to make friends with other new mums I think. Take what you can from it - yes there is a natural childbirth agenda but there are good points too. Their breast feeding advice etc was very useful for me.

I felt that knowledge empowered me. If I knew what could go wrong then I could understand what was happening.

This really paid off with my first child when it did all start to go wrong - I understood at least what was happening and when I was offered choices over what to do, they were informed choices and I wasn't just reliant on the people there at the time. It also saved alot of time because they didn't have to explain it all too me. Everything turned out fine in the end thank goodness.

With breastfeeding, I also read lots about techniques, ways of holding baby for example, or what do regarding the pain you might have in the first days... Many women give up waiting for their milk to come in because they don't realise how long it takes for example... Anyway, keep doing what you are doing.

I think you should not go back, for the sake of everyone else!

Eating dates to soften your cervix...of course she ridiculed that bullshit.

I am a terrible perfectionist, knowledge is power type of person and I can tell you now it is the single biggest hindrance to me as a mother, let alone a mother to preemie twins, one with health issues.

I never knew how much guilt it was possible to feel all the time. I second guess every single thing I do. When my twins couldn’t bf I beat myself up violently for the best part of a year.

I am finally learning to go a bit easier on myself (mostly) and I regret every single tear I’ve shed through guilt. It ruined the first year of their lives and I’m trying to make sure it doesn’t ruin any more.

You can know it all, but you can’t actually “know”, not until your baby is here. Please don’t make the same mistakes I did!

I learn everything I need from Mumsnet back in 2002 when I had DD1. My midwife was clueless!

It's really interesting to read on here about the worries first time mothers have had, and all of the experiences with birth/breastfeeding. I think there it can be very tricky when someone is a perfectionist and expects everything to go wonderfully! We probably put far too much pressure on ourselves anyway. I was really surprised by some of the things which went wrong in my pregnancy, as I had never heard of SPD and had never ever imagined myself having morning sickness or anything along those lines - all totally out of my control. But I agree that it's good to have at least some information because, as aliens said, you know practically what the hell is going on and are able to make relatively informed decisions in some scenarios. Can I actually ask please who here had a Vitamin K shot for their baby after birth? This was also really pushed in the class but I've never heard of it so curious.

DougFargo there's no need to be aggressive - obviously it is a bit of a myth but the point is midwives/GPs are actually suggesting it now as there some statistical evidence/why not try it? The point is Poo-pooing that sort of thing whilst pushing hypnobirthing seems quite hypocritical.

Anyway I am a bit nervous about going back now, although MN have convinced me to, in case the instructor or anyone else has seen this post 🙈

Oh crispysausagerolls - I used to eat one daily when pregnancy with DD!

I did pregnancy yoga and was too ashamed to go back after having an unplanned C-section due to baby being the wrong way around and me being too small for them to change it. I felt like I had failed - 14 years later I realised I "failed" at a lot of things, but not having a yoga-led natural birth on DD was not one of them.
Congratulations, you sound like you will be an amazing mum. Keep calm, as someone who always had high expectations I suffered PND and found it very tough to come to terms with good enough. But if you get to grips with "good enough" you will be fine. Perhaps go for a massage instead next week?

Annasgirl

Oh my gosh, how horrible that you felt that way - very happy to hear you know there's nothing wrong with a non-natural birth! It's very easy to be told that yoga does this or hypnobirthing does that, but the statistics of 25% c-section and something like 50% for first timers having an epidural speak for themselves. Thank you for your lovely comment, and I think a massage is a great idea (followed by lashings of chocolate ) - very sensible point about accepting "good enough" too.

DougFargo there's no need to be aggressive - obviously it is a bit of a myth but the point is midwives/GPs are actually suggesting it now as there some statistical evidence/why not try it?

There is no stats evidence at all and not even possible. No GPs are suggesting dates for cervix softening.

Women in many places in the world give birth under a tree alone. Then we get this mania that happens here. I don't think you need to go, and if you really don't want the socialisation then don't bother. Wait till you get to nursery.....

Maybe they meant dates for stool softening, that would work.

It's raspberry leaf tea for preparing the cervix and cabbage leaves in your bra for sore nipples :)

IronMansIronButt

Well, my GP did! He said, the same as with raspberry leaf tea and reflexology, it's a good thing to try from 36 weeks. I then asked my midwife based on what he said and she agreed. My mother told me that when she was pregnant with me, it was syrup of figs! So obviously that date/fig/prune family are all popular for these things. Again - my point isn't that I think it's a proven thing or even likely to work, I just think laughing at what someone suggests in an open forum is unkind/unhelpful, whilst at the same time pushing other non-conventional methods is hypocritical.

Who knows if this is true but again, why not?

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21280989

Mountainsoutofmolehills

very good point!

I love this thread, all that advice, all that planning for the “most fulfilling moment of my life” And the birth plan.... I even had a special nightie for the photos.

I failed completely I can’t actually remember the delivery.After 40 hours I was so exhausted and out of it on drugs that I don’t remember the crash teams, the forceps or the Stitches. And my dp told our neighbours we’d had a girlI....Uhm , no.
It was a complete shambles from start to finish but ds is sitting eating a lolly opposite me now so I don’t mind.