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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What do I do now?

91 replies

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 03/05/2018 17:52

A parent is organising an end of term party for leaving primary school.

There are a number of reasons why my daughter doesn't want to go to the party. I asked her what she would like to do. She said she would like to go for a meal with my parents instead. She's already arranged this with her Granny.

I told party organiser mother that she wasn't going. Party organiser mother took huge offence at this and sent me some abusive messages. I didn't want to get into an argument so I ignored these.

I've now found out that without asking me first, another mother has paid party organiser mother for my child. I don't know why she has done this, especially as she is on a low income herself.

Party organiser mother is now smug because my child is now coming to the party.

How do I get out of this without offending generous mother? I would like to keep a good relationship with her as our children are friends and are going to the same secondary school. Party organiser's child is going to a different school so I don't need to keep in contact with her.

Daughter is upset as she really doesn't want to go to the party and wants to do the meal with my parents instead.

OP posts:

Poptart4 · 26/05/2018 11:24

Op you need to grow a back bone. These women clearly see you as a door mat which is why they think they can get away with dictating to you the way they are.

To clear up any misunderstanding with the other moms you should go on the group chat and clearly say your daughter is not going. Bitch mom knew this from the start so you don't know why she accepted money from 2nd bitch mom. I would also question why 2nd bitch mom took it upon herself to pay for your daughter with out talking to you first!? She had no right and seriously overstepped her bounds.

Plus annoucing it to all the other moms would be humiliating if you really were struggling financially. They both sound like c**ts.

Stand up for yourself op

LucyAutumn · 26/05/2018 11:30

Another that agrees generous/ kind mum doesn't sound as nice as it seems. The whole thing sounds incredibly manipulative and controlling and I wouldn't back down.

Winetime0909 · 26/05/2018 12:09

I'm guessing this is paintballing or something similar? In which case i would not be surprised that your daughter and other children would not want to go, you need to make it clear to everyone that you're not going as you have plans and daughter does not want to so don't expect us there! what a very weird situation OP!

maresedotes · 26/05/2018 12:59

This is annoying me on your behalf. Remove yourself from the group chat and definitely don’t explain yourself again to anyone there.

I would send one final text to Generous Mother saying this has dragged on, your daughter’s not going and to let her daughter know.

Why should your daughter do an activity that she doesn’t want to do to spare others feelings? You’ve been honest from the start.

CharliesSister · 26/05/2018 13:16

Get yourself on the group chat. Don't even soften it with "afraid theirs been a miscommunication. Just say it outright."

As I said previously, DD told me she wanted a family meal that evening and does not want to attend the party. Hope you all have a great time."

flumpybear · 26/05/2018 13:20

Here's what to do

Tell the organiser she knew full well that your child want coming and. It for financial reasons, you've got plans and her choice not to go must be respected by her and she's got no right to accept payment from others when she fully knew your child wasn't coming

Before you do the above, speak to the kind mum and tell her she's been lied to and the organiser knows your child has another event planned on that day so can't actually come. Tell her you're sorry she's been swindled into paying for your child and you'll speak to the organiser and tell her she's been underhand and she needs to pay the nice friend back again

If shit CF organiser says no then speak to the head about her manipulative actions and can he/she please sort it

Carolynnnna · 26/05/2018 13:59

I wouldn't reimburse the generous mother, nor would I discuss the matter further.
She should have minded her own business.

TERFragetteCity · 26/05/2018 14:02

I agree with removing yourself now...just tell your daughter to tell her friends that she has no idea why they are going on about it as she has something else planned.

ChasedByBees · 26/05/2018 14:09

Generous mother is actually being quite manipulative. She doesn’t get to decide what your DD does.

WatchingFromTheWings · 26/05/2018 14:24

I'd post one final message on group chat saying DD does not want to go so will not be going. Then just leave the group chat.

0nTheEdge · 26/05/2018 14:52

I would be frustrated and furious at these people trying to strong arm me into doing something. Mug friend was bang out of order paying for you and saying your daughter has to go, there's manipulation and emotional blackmailing going on and it's not right. I'd stick with your plans and ignore everyone. Tell them she's not going and if they refuse to take no for an answer they will just have to be disappointed on the day. I'd rather be the mum who stands on her own in the playground than the mum who threw her daughter under the (party) bus for an easy life. The wheat sort themselves from the chaff friends wise when stuff like this happens, if people want to ignore you because of this then it's no loss IMO

KeepServingTheDrinks · 26/05/2018 15:04

Agree with everyone.

But also still stunned by this -> I told party organiser mother that she wasn't going. Party organiser mother took huge offence at this and sent me some abusive messages^

Who does that????

SeriousSass · 26/05/2018 15:33

I’m hoping the OP has dealt with this now and isn’t dragging things out.

Some of the suggested messages on this thread are very inflammatory. Id have gone with a simple polite message.

Just to reiterate DD isn’t going on the trip. I told XXX this days ago.

MumofBoysx2 · 26/05/2018 15:37

Just be honest with the organiser. Tell her she doesn't want to go, you're not making her and and she wants to go to her grandparents. You can pay the other mother back, but it is a bit odd that no one listened and the got the hump about it!

SakuraBlossom · 26/05/2018 15:42

I am going to be subject to things like this next year when my DC leaves primary. They make a massive deal of it with about 4 parties and presents for everyone. They expect us to pay £60 for it all and that doesn't even include any meals. I have done it with DC1 and I wont be doing it again. The stupid thing is that they aren't even moving, they are going to the schools secondary building!

Murane · 26/05/2018 15:47

Organiser mother is saying daughter is paid for, so she is going.
I would be absolutely livid. If I say my child is not going, then my child is not going, end of. Is she intending to come round and drag your DD onto the bus? You need to stand up for your DD and tell these people NO, she will not be attending. If Stupid Mum who paid for your DD is out of pocket then it's her own fault for interfering.

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