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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hope that all parents who put photos of their children on FB/Insta/Twitter end up getting sued . . .

436 replies

Harumphy · 03/05/2018 14:14

. . . by their grown-up children for breach of privacy.

Children have absolutely no say or control over what is shared by their parents, or with whom it is shared.

My family member has posted, on her public Instagram feed, her son's full name, date of birth, and every waking moment. Now that information will be out there for anyone to consume. At best, this could erode the boy's sense of self-esteem, security, and privacy. At worst, the data can be used to commit identity fraud or give a stranger the information they need to socially engineer access to him.

And I don't care if you say that you get consent before you post anything, because children don't have full knowledge of the context of their decision. They are not cognisant of the whole range of risks.

I also don't care if you say your FB/Insta/Twitter is private. Social networking sites are porous. Facebook in particular is never private, and the data you share will never be expunged.

I think it's not your place, and it's not your right.

OP posts:
MarklahMarklah · 04/05/2018 11:57

My DD begs me to put her photos & sayings on FB.
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.
My FB is not in my full name, nor does she appear under hers.

Ingredients · 04/05/2018 12:17

MarklahMarhkla why do you think she does that?

QueenOfIce · 04/05/2018 12:26

Try the lifecake app, you own the rights to your photos and it's private so you can share with only those in your close circle.

DougFargo · 04/05/2018 12:27

MarklahMarhkla why do you think she does that?

To share with her family?

Original poster
Harumphy · 04/05/2018 12:27

Just because they 'consent' to having their photos posted (and I would argue it's not really consent until they have a mature understanding of the global and permanent nature of the Internet, which usually comes with more life experience) doesn't mean you should do it.

I'm sure lots of kids would 'consent' to eating chocolate and sweets every day. Doesn't mean you should actually allow that to happen.

I agree with the PP. I think a lot of the defensive posts are from those who know that, really, their intentions when posting information about and pictures of their kids are selfish ones.

OP posts:
flamingofridays · 04/05/2018 12:28

bet you're fun at a party OP.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/05/2018 12:31

@Harumphy - I think you are looking at this in a very black and white, right and wrong way, when it is actually far more nuanced than you are making out.

I agree with you that oversharing can be a problem, and that parents should think carefully about the sort of data and pictures that they share. My children were little in the days before FB (yes, I am that ancient) and so it was never an issue that I had to consider, but if I had little children now, I would be careful about the pictures I chose to put on social media, and about my privacy settings.

That said, I don't think that there are any major safety issues or potential future problems associated with what I would call normal or ordinary pictures of small children - playing in the park or at home, covered in paint or mud, on the first day of school, first steps etc. I genuinely cannot see any malign intent behind these pictures, nor any malign purpose that they could be used for, if the wrong person got hold of them.

I do think there is a line, and some parents clearly do go over it and share far too much - but never sharing anything is not the only alternative to this. Common sense dictates that parents should think carefully about what they are posting and who can see it, and should do their best to ensure that the pictures they post will not upset or embarrass their children in the future - and that will be somewhere in the shades of grey that exist between your black and white choices.

I think it is worth remembering that the children who are growing up now, will grow up in a world of social media, so their reactions to what their parents have put on it may be very different to those of older people who didn't grow up in the social media age.

My boys are all in their 20s now, and the younger two use social media a lot - they probably share far more than I would ever have shared about them - and yes, I accept, this is their choice, whereas children whose parents post pictures/data on social media have not been given that choice - but I suspect that growing up in a world of social media will make children today far more accepting of it - or at least, of a certain level of it - than you fear.

Ingredients · 04/05/2018 12:31

possibly "dough" but it's not just photos she wants to be posted, it's her "sayings". To me that says that her daughter knows that saying funny/cute things means that her mum will post them on FB to get likes ,comments etc. I don't think a child who grows up like that will be their true self. They are likely to "stage" both how they play, what they do and what they say, which isn't healthy.

flamingofridays · 04/05/2018 12:32

and actually, what's so bad about posting pictures? I can't say that I ever considered a picture of someone as a baby would make any kind of impact on someones career or future life?

I cant say I would ever change a decision about someone, or change what I thought of them, or whether to hire/date/befriend them based on a picture of them as a child?

o0o0 · 04/05/2018 12:34

I get your point OP, although I'm not as, shall we say.... militant about it as you.

What made me question the sensibility of putting so many photos up is when I read in the paper a man I went to school with had been arrested for child porn offences and had been found with 1000s of manipulates photos of children. He was my friend on Facebook. Could one of his pics have been my son?

Original poster
Harumphy · 04/05/2018 12:35

There has been a teacher on here pointing out that she discovered, when actually speaking with young people, that they're not 'ok with it', just because it's something they've grown up with.

OP posts:
Severide08 · 04/05/2018 12:39

I post pics of my DC's on fb and there is nothing remotely embarrassing and they are old enough for me to ask and if they say no it doesn't go on .I have friends and family on there who don't live nearby and some not in this country they love this way of seeing pictures of my DC's. My profile is private i most certainly would never post another person's childs picture if they were with my DC's without the parents permission. I think OP you are being a bit parnoid and very ranty. You cant tell people how to parent and you are coming across as judgemental. We all each are entitled to our views whether we agree or not.

lifechangesforever · 04/05/2018 12:39

Probably the biggest eye roll I've ever made at a post on Mumsnet..

Original poster
Harumphy · 04/05/2018 12:47

Furthermore, the evidence so far - although there is not enough and it's not conclusive - is suggesting that social media use poses numerous risks to young people's mental health.

I personally would not want to normalise the use of social media at a very young age.

OP posts:
DougFargo · 04/05/2018 12:50

(and I would argue it's not really consent until they have a mature understanding of the global and permanent nature of the Internet, which usually comes with more life experience

You don't actually know how FB etc works, do you?

QueenOfIce · 04/05/2018 13:18

The whole 'my profile is private' yes it's private to those you know and those you choose not to see but it's not private to fb, Instagram and snapchat. The data they gather on you from everything you post is astounding. Your data allows them to build up a profile on you. Nothing is 'private'

shash1982 · 04/05/2018 13:20

Wow, you sound delightful.

There’s a way to get your point across but being aggressive is not one of them.

And guess what? I don’t really care about your opinion.

shash1982 · 04/05/2018 13:21

That was to the op btw.

SecretSantaaaaaa · 04/05/2018 13:25

You sound angry

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 04/05/2018 13:28

Agree with OP. How would you feel to have all your photos from childhood on the internet, intimate family holidays, your history....

PoisonousSmurf · 04/05/2018 13:28

Use out of date photos Grin

jaseyraex · 04/05/2018 13:29

My mum and dad covered the front of our house in old photos of me when I turned 18. One of those photos is of me with no front teeth, I've always hated it but I'm not running off suing my parents. It's also a bloody school photo! So let's blame school photographs as well, shall we?

If you don't want to share photos of your kids, then don't share them. Delete people that do if it bothers you a lot. It really is that simple. Do what's best for you. I personally think if a kid wants to sue their parents over some photos then there must be a hell of a lot more issues in the family than just embarrassing baby photos.

NCbecauseIdontwanttooutasaman · 04/05/2018 13:31

I think that the tone of your post doesn't come across well but I do agree that it's an issue.

Doug, you may think that someone is being whiny but the reality is that it is an adult deliberately embarrassing and upsetting a child in a public forum purely for their own gratification.

When adopting we had study days with social services where, amongst other things this was covered. From memory there was case of a teenager in Japan divorcing their parents over this. I suspect that in another 5 years with babies born at the start of the social media era hitting their teens that cases of teenagers taking action against their parents will become a thing. It amazes me how careless are with both theirs and other peoples children's identity. I have relatives who have posted pictures on Facebook of my child despite clear requests not to as it's a child protection issue. I run a youth group and we are very careful before posting any pictures online that we have parental permission to do so.

WidoWanky · 04/05/2018 13:39

Once you post on instagram, you hand over the copywrite for that picture.

I dont post pictures online.

KERALA1 · 04/05/2018 13:41

I find it interesting that the majority think this is "normal" and to speak against it makes you boring, no fun at a party, angry etc.

Totally agree with NCbecause above. I am no position to be smug as I have posted the odd pic of my kids in the past. But examined it and I was doing it show off. At their expense.

Now my peer group have kids late primary early secondary and very very few post regular pics of their kids. As children become people in their own right I think it dawns on parents how wrong it is to post merrily away about someone else who you are in charge of who has no control or say over what you do. It all feels abit well wrong.