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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU, to not tidy the toilet until someone notices the problem.

60 replies

Obie4 · 03/05/2018 11:01

I know they say pick your battles, and this may seem silly but I find it infuriating!
So, not one person in my house belives in putting empty toilet roll tubes in the bin.
I stopped picking them up last week as I'm sick of repeating myself, and telling them I won't keep picking up after them. I thought after a few days someone would notice, but no, we are now 8 days in and there are 5 empty tubes and an empty air freshener can beside the toilet.
To be clear, there is a bin NEXT to the toilet, and im not blaming my youngest Dcs as they are quite young, but husband and DD7 and DS13 are old enough to know better.
Iv been in and cleaned the toilet everyday, but have been putting the empty tubes back next to the toilet. Sounds so rediculouse, I know, but seriously, how hard is it to open a bin lid and pop an empty one in there.
This is one of many little things, like putting rubbish on my kitchen sides, when the bin is a few foot away! Putting dirty clothes on the hall floor, instead of in the basket.. the list goes on, but feel the empty tubes were a good place to start showing them the issue, and point out that they are completly lazy.
My 2 and 3 year old are tidier than the older ones.
Friend finds it very odd that I am making a point and not picking them up, and finds it silly.
So AIBU, or is it right to try and show my dh and growing child/teen that I'm not there to pick up after everything they do!

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 03/05/2018 11:04

People who don't care still won't notice. I promise you that their tolerance will be greater than yours. Instead of the passive-aggressive crap, just tell them and make them go and do it.

LeChatDeNuit · 03/05/2018 11:04

Shut the toilet lid and put the empty rolls and air freshener on top so they have to do something with them if they want to go.

applesisapple5 · 03/05/2018 11:05

It's exactly the same in our house, I keep saying 'our house is not one giant bin' ... no advice but solidarity Grin

GetOffTheTableMabel · 03/05/2018 11:06

Ooh LeChat that is good.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 03/05/2018 11:07

I can guarantee it will annoy you more than anyone else.

I did similar last year. DP rarely cleans the bathroom. By August last year he may have done it once in the year (though I don't think he had) whereas I'd done it every week / every other week. He said he would do it before a friend of his came to stay, but didn't. So I went on strike and refused to do it again, but didn't actually tell him of this.

I think I got to 8 weeks before giving in, though, in a way it was only because we had friends coming round and I was incredibly embarrassed. At the same time it annoyed me every time I went in there. DP had neither noticed nor cared.

paxillin · 03/05/2018 11:07

They clearly don't care, you are punishing yourself. Tell them to do it. Why does your husband not do this? There are 1000 tiny actions that tell you they think you are the serf. Stop it and make it clear you are not by telling them.

NotTakenUsername · 03/05/2018 11:09

I don’t think it’s unreasonable. You have to start somewhere. I’d also refuse to wash any laundry that isn’t in the basket.

Two caveats.
1)A’s pp suggested, put rolls and empties on toilet lid so they actively have to take notice each time.
2) if laundry is in your shared space leave it at their door on the floor so they must step over to enter.

NotTakenUsername · 03/05/2018 11:11

In fact I’m petty enough that once you get to 6 rolls I’d dispose of 3 (one for me and one on behalf of 2 and 3 year old) then leave one in each of their beds.

LeChatDeNuit · 03/05/2018 11:13

In all seriousness though, it’s not about toilet rolls. It’s about a lack of respect - your DH being the worst offender. Are you the maid?

Idontdowindows · 03/05/2018 11:20

I would keep up not doing it. It'll be hard to get through it long enough that someone is going to notice or remark on it, but you need to put a stop to it once and for all.

Sparklesocks · 03/05/2018 11:20

The problem is if it doesn’t bother them, they’ll continue not doing anything and the pile will grow.

I remember when I was at Uni I knew a group of lads who shared a huge student house with multiple bathrooms. There was an enormous bathroom on the ground floor with a toilet and a huge bathtub (no shower), and a couple of bathrooms upstairs with showers. None of them used the tub so the downstairs bathroom was solely used for the toilet.

I went round there at the start of one term and noticed a few toilet tubes on the floor…then a few months later I was back for a party and the enormous bathtub was completely full with toilet tubes, piled up high feet off the ground!!

Clearly they didn’t care, and just keep chucking the tubes in. So your bathroom may have the same fate..

steppemum · 03/05/2018 11:22

I totally understand where you are coming from.
The solution? They have to do it.
So, send them back EVERY SINGLE time to remove rubbish, put toilet rolls in bin, take abandoned clothes upstairs.

Last night dd2 had been in bed for 10 minutes and I got her out and sent her back down because she STILL hadn't removed school shoes and socks from lounge.

I also have a Saturday rule, we have no TV until dinner time, and then we have pizza and TV together in lounge. I give out some jobs (eg put away your clean washing) and maybe add a household job on there (eg hoover the stairs) and they are not allowed pizza and TV until it is done. It is amazing how quickly the jobs suddenly get done, when I shout 'I'm putting pizza in the over, have you done your jobs?'

I refused to wash dd1 socks when she kept putting them in screwed up in a ball, so they didn't get clean, went through, took them all out, told her to go and sort them and they might make it into the next wash. I don't do any laundry that isn;t n the basket (although they are quite good at this now) And if you don't have clean pe kit, because you didn't give it to me to wash, then you get shrugged shoulders form me.

If you do it, you will always do it, if you make them do it, eventually they will do it.

BrownTurkey · 03/05/2018 11:28

I'd write a joke plea on them. Makes your point.

Hmmisthatit · 03/05/2018 11:29

Iv been in and cleaned the toilet everyday

Jeepers. People do this?

AjasLipstick · 03/05/2018 11:30

Start putting them in their beds.

speakout · 03/05/2018 11:33

I'd pick your battles OP.

My OH to my knowledge has never cleaned the bathroom, nor does he know how to use the washing machine. He doesn't care about cardboard tubes or empty aerosols of shaving foam.

However I don't think I have cleaned out the fridge or freezer for years ( he does it weekly).
From Friday evening until Monday morning I don't shop or cook or do any washing up stuff, don't empty the dishwasher.
A Sunday roast appears and all tidied up afterwards, leftovers in containers in the fridge.

Not every task is shared in our house.
OH never cleans the bath or mops the floors, but I get to sit and sip wine and do my nails at weekends.

Suits us fine.

LadyFlangeWidget · 03/05/2018 11:34

steppemum I like your saturday rule I may be taking that on board!

speakout · 03/05/2018 11:36

You could make a telescope out of them OP.

For pirate fun in the bath.

Blobby10 · 03/05/2018 11:36

I had a bit of a rant to my kids about putting the tubes in the bin and now my eldest son (21) who is the only one regularly at home, leaves the tubes just to see how many can build up before I break! The record so far has been 13 Angry

However I decided that cardboard tubes chucked in the bath rather than the bin wasn't worth fighting over - I'm exhausted with fighting atm and dont have visitors so the tubes stay until I get around to moving them.

The cardboard tubes from the downstairs loo and ensuite ( I use these two loos!) go straight in the recycling bin Halo

Idontdowindows · 03/05/2018 11:37

The record so far has been 13

I hope they ended up in his bed then. He's taking the piss.

adaline · 03/05/2018 11:40

Send them back to do it. Every time. Make it inconvenient for them to "forget", because I guarantee they're just thinking "why bother, mum will do it eventually".

I wouldn't pick your battles here. Kids need to be included in the general running of the household and that includes putting rubbish in the bin - it's not as though you're asking them to scrub the oven! It's basic hygiene to clean up after yourself.

pigmcpigface · 03/05/2018 11:41

Write a message on them and then put them somewhere they don't want them. In their bed. In their shoes. Wherever.

Ebeneser · 03/05/2018 11:43

Don't you have recycling? My toilet roll tubes go in the cardboard recycling bin. I just leave them on the top of the toilet until I can be bothered to take them downstairs!

Original poster
Obie4 · 03/05/2018 11:43

LeChat that would give me a little chuckle. And your right there is a lack of respect for me.
I have been persistent and told them over and over, no one ever owns up to it. So I just pick one to go up and sort it normally, as I know all 3 are the offenders. I don't think I should have to keep telling them over and over about the same old things. Feels like all I do is nag.
Friend says it's all part of being a mum, really??? Think I missed the part when mum started translate into personal slave! Wink

OP posts:
BonsaiBear · 03/05/2018 11:45

They don't care about these jobs you do. My reaction would be to stop doing the jobs they do care about.

Or id change the Wi-Fi password and refuse to give it out until jobs are done. I'd also probably change the new password to something like 'I don't believe it's my mum's job to take care of my rubbish.'

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